there is definitely something wrong with me now.

i feel like crying.

i feel very angry and very sad at the same time.

during dinner
daddy said he didnt like the idea of me going to shanghai in the september holidays. his facial expression really scared me.

i gently asked mummy to reconsider.
i really really really want to go to shanghai.

when i asked mummy over the phone if i could go to shanghai, i received a negative answer. well, sorta negative.

my heart seems very heavy, i dun feel like talking. i know if i continue talking about the uk trip over dinner, i would start crying. my eyes were filled with tears already.

i thought being more mature means not quarrelling, not talking back, accepting what is given to you.

i always thought i was more matured than last year. now i realise, i still am not. because i felt like shouting, i felt like retreating into my world, i felt like crying, i felt miserable.

crap. everything is crap. i need to cool down. i need to relax. isnt what holidays are for? to relax?

yes, holidays are good times to buck up in your studies, but still, its main purpose is rest. yes, do revision and all that.. still, people need time to rest.

seems like my march holidays are all gone.
syf practice, projects, (notice the plural tense).. i was looking forward to some lazy mornings, spent on my bed at home..i was looking forward to spending a day at the pool. tanning.. not in school, yes, no doubt, acting( my favourite), but i have to stress over it, i have to stay till 5pm. isit that like school?

is this stress or is this just me? stress seems like a dangerous word.

i got 86.4 for my science, but i dun feel happy.

i need to buck up in my other subjects.

how to show that i put in effort in my work, how to show that i am hardworking, when there is no one around?

how to explain that people have their weaknesses, that nobody is perfect, that no matter how much time and effort, no matter how many questions you ask, a person still might not do well in a particular subject? how to explain that to my parents?

i want i want i want to go to shanghai. i really really want. i dun mind paying for my expenses or something.

i want to sleep, i dun want to wake up.

oh yea, i just remembered. i have school till 6.30 tmr.