Yall are right. I am.

Oh dear. It's a bit worrying. I should be more conscious. And say no. More.

Help?

Sorry Sybil, for letting you wait not for 15-20 minutes but 26 minutes. But I really couldn't leave school without washing the wax off. I rushed like mad in the toilet already, I didn't even dry my hair much.

I still had tuition right after I got home so I wouldn't have time to bathe first. I can't have tuition like that. 2 hours somemore. Haha. Sure cannot study one lor.

We weren't late for our appointment anyway. Half an hour can reach one I told you. We still had to wait for the person to come back from her break remember? =)

I apologised to you already but you ignored me still. Then I thought ok lor, nevermind. If you wanted to ignore me I guess I'm fine with that. But ok, maybe you didn't even hear me apologise. I'm thinking, if you didn't then I'll understand better why you ignored me still. So I'm nonchalent? Coming to that, you said you were used to me being nonchalent. Is that true? Am I really nonchalent?

Anyway, I don't understand. You said you thought you did what was right. Means you thought not talking to me was right?

Plus, when I said I was used to the silence, I'm not directing it at you. I'm also refering to the other stuff happening. You should know.

Whatever it is, the point is I'm sorry for letting you wait and for apparently being nonchalent. Forgive yeah? =)

I tried. Really I did. But I got stuck.

Gussie and Nauveed styled their hair today after one of the lessons and then I don't know what happened but in the end most of the class ended up using Nauveed's moving rubber to style our hair. Including me. Haha. I got an 'eiffel tower'. Even Gloria had 'artpiece' hair, created by Rachel. I thought Nauveed's was the most cool though. He had a hairband on and a very VERY tiny ponytail. Haha. Rachel wanted to give Ame "DNA" hair but I don't know what happened. Maybe it was too difficult to create. Haha.

School wasnt that bad today. I had fun. And for one of the first times in a long long time I was laughing with 'ease'.

After school Sybs and I went to Raffles City but she didn't talk to me throughout the trip. I guess it was because I let her wait about 15 to 20 minutes while I washed the "tower" off my hair before going to Raffles City. But I really couldn't take all that wax in my hair anymore. I guess I'm used to it. The silence.

Dear Lord, I pray that school will be better.

Right now, I'm not sure I enjoy school.

Was talking to Jonah today and our conversation today scares me. I'm scared, I'm crying.

I'm gonna wake up in the morning and all these didn't happen.

Whole day out. I'm tired.

Church was so early in the morning, I didn't want to wake up. I did, eventually. But there wasn't enough time to eat breakfast. So I took 2 smores bars and a pack of capri-sonne.

Halfway throug sermon, Sybs messaged and I hurried to the atm at cheers across the road to transfer money to an account she asked me to.

Shopped with the guys after lunch at vivo. I tried 3 dresses. I like 2 of the dresses I tried. Oh man, I should go back and get it!

Borrowed dresses from Amy Jie and Sybil. I wore Syb's in the end, to Josh's fashion show.

Josh's mayday parade, the rproject, was good. It was a really interesting experience watching models strut their stuff. =) Not quite what I had in mind but what happened managed to catch my attention.

OH YEAH. One of the best parts of this fashion show is the goodie bag. With CHOCOLATES and complimentary Jill Lowe make up kits in the bag.

My make up set is the spring/autumn collection I think. All the colours in it are really bold and bright like green and purple.

Oh yeah. If you all guys don't want it, GIVE IT TO ME. =) I WANT.

Somehow, I feel lonely. Even with all these people around me.

It's so hard to say. My secret thots. Get my drift.

Surprising much, I didn't really sleep in lessons. Or rather, that's the impression I had of the lessons today. If I did, it'll probably be the last few minutes of lesson. Except econs lec. Oh my tians. I gave up trying to understand what was going on. Not good not good.

Nauveed brought his air guitar toy to school today. UBER COOL. Wow that is really, as Rachel put it, a very very good invention. =)

Haha when he first told me he got an "air guitar hero" I was a bit confused. Like isnt an air guitar a non-existing thing? Haha. So how'd you buy it? Haha. But after he showed me the toy then "ohhhh".

The toy's made up of this "amp" thing, and that's connected to the sensor pad you can clip it at the front of your pants. So it looks like a belt buckle. Haha. The "amp can be clipped at your side. Then then then! YOU SWITCH ON THE AMP and there's this feedback noise. Haha!

You use magnetic picks and wave them in front of the sensor pad belt buckly thingy and you get sound out of the amp! Haha. There are 10 tunes apparently and it gets harder and harder to play.

Ahhh I want!! Haha.

The ruggers all came for dance today. Wow the dance studio became damn crowded. We did 2 eights in an hour. Which is really slow but after the hour I perspired so much as though we did hiphop for hours straight. Haha. It's the crowd lah. Too many people!

All in all the ruggers only have 4 eights. We did 2 today, and all of them were groaning already. Haha!

It was a bit tough trying to explain all the stuff we take for granted such as turning and jumping for instance. But it's only one session so yeah. =)

When zaki did row by row, he was really lenient and I THANK GOD. Haha.

It was quite entertaining too, watching the row by row. Haha. Some ruggers like zaki pointed out, "got it". I think it was daniel lum. Haha. Not bad. And he jokingly asked whether they wanted to join SYF next year. Haha. To lift people.. =p

HOCKEY DOUBLE FINALS TOMORROW! Both girls and guys, at delta stadium. Girls against VJ and guys against RJ. It's gonna be tough. =(

Too bad we've got Miss K tutorial! =( Now if only there was another miracle.. Heh. God's given us so many miracles already, it's almost unbelievable, how cool God works. =))

One more Lord? Last one? Heh.

It's 12 41am and it's a school night. I'm not sleeping yet! I should have slept 2 hours ago. Rargh.

Gone case la Cheryl sure sleep in class again.

Darn it.

On a brighter note, I'm gonna book rapture tickets tomorrow, meaning wednesday. And once I do, I'll not have 1.5k worth of ticket money worries anymore! Haha!

A total of 36 TM people are coming, that is, they booked through me. There are those who booked through Mings as well. In total that's like a third of the YF. Haha.

I'm worried my class forgets to bring money to pay Rachel for the tickets!

SA soccer guys lost to AC soccer guys 1-0 today for 3rd and 4th placing. Damn. We played damn well today. Too bad for that own goal. Haha. I bet the ball only brushed against one of our players then it was considered own goal. Haha.

OK I shall continue with whatever work I can do. The rest I'll go to school and copy! ( You did not just read this).

I think Rapture tickets are selling out even before any sales.

HURRY tell me how many tickets and give me money! Oh man.

I'm proud of myself cos today,



I didn't sleep in lit lecture!

I took a BUS from school to Thomson Plaza and RJC!

I wasn't late for the RJC play!



But one thing happened that made me puzzled and a bit irritated.



Took a cab back from J8 after the play and I told the uncle "Lorong Lew Lian".

Then nearing my house I said "Turn right" so that we could take the short cut through the block of flats.



And the uncle, oh my tians, he was all "Why you never tell me it's serangoon central ah! You should have told me... BLAH BLAH"



But all we were doing was PASSING THROUGH the block of flats TO LORONG LEW LIAN. Duuuuude.



I wanted to explain that. But I didn't. Then when we reached the marketplace and there was the big "LEW LIAN GARDENS" sign , I was SOOO tempted to say in a very VERY sarcastic tone, " Voila! LORONG LEW LIAN!" Haha. No lah I didnt. The uncle was visibly embarassed so I just left him that way haha.

Cab drivers are more demanding nowadays.

Being Fully Persuaded
By Os Hillman

Being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised.
Romans 4:21


Why did God consider Abraham a righteous man? It was because Abraham looked beyond his own limitations of age and strength and considered God as the one who could accomplish His own goals. Abraham came to a place in his life where he realized it had little to do with him and all to do with God. His part was initiating the faith within himself.

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead-since he was about a hundred years old-and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God (Romans 4:18-20).

What are the things in your life that are mere impossibilities? What are the mountains in your life? Are these there in order to build your faith in the one who can enable you to ascend to the peak? Once you know that it is His will for you to pursue, do it with faith. Faith requires action when we know it is He who is leading. It may require risk. Faith is sometimes spelled R-I-S-K. Abraham did not limit God. It is this confidence in God that God honored and rewarded. He wants to do the same with you and me.

Saturday passed really quickly. Dance was surprisingly quite alright. =)

I'm sad to say I'm back to square 1 though. I can't do double pirouettes again. Darn it.
There's fear gripping my heart every time I attempt one. I just have to find the courage that helped me achieve 2.

Did handstand! Against the wall. Gotta practice more though. Thanks Rachel for helping me out on that one! HAHA YAY.

The guys came over after TM today after we ate at serangoon central. Watched the CJ7 show produced by Stephen Chow.

I bet you didn't know I did cry at the father dying and the girl/guy crying parts James! HAHA. And when he/she kept waiting and waiting and counting to 3 for the CJ7 to come back to life. Daryl also! HAHA. Kept looking at me to see if I did or not. =p

Math MSA tomorrow, I'm not studying, I've not studied. =p This is a first. Argh. I can't believe I'll be wasting time looking at the questions and not knowing how to answer them. Rargh. This will be the only time I'm gonna let it happen.

RUGBY FINALS tomorrow! SO EXCITING! More exciting than sitting for MSAs. Haha. Oh man oh man I can't wait. =)

A lil bit tired.

It was really difficult to wake up today, probably because I kept dreaming the whole night. My brain was so active haha!

I slept in almost all my classes today, it felt a bit weird, after a week or two of not sleeping in classes. BUT IT FELT GOOD.

Especially in econs lecture. Good and peaceful sleep throughout the hour hidden from the eyes of Mr Soh or the lecturer. Ok he woke me up once. But that is NOTHING as compared to what I've seen in previous lectures. Mr Soh can just stand in the aisle and regularly wake the same guy who's sleeping.

Dance was quite bad. Didnt have enough time to stretch before Ms Wee's class so now I'm aching everywhere.

BUT.

Ms Wee finished the first song to her item already. YAY! =))

These few days are gonna kill me. SO MUCH HOMEWORK, I just feel like leaving it all on the table and wishing that it'll just MAGICALLY disappear. HAHA.

But NO. I have K lesson tomorrow. Rargh. And I have to present stuff. Haven't done anything. Tomorrow go school COPY! (Nope you didn't just read that)

Haha only kidding. I'm gonna attempt it first!

I forced myself to finish the whole bottle of water I got. It was difficult swallowing the last few mouthfuls and afterward I was so nauseous. Randon rambles. Haha. Thought it was funny. Who gets sick from drinking water?

SAJC VS ACJC

Rugby Semi-finals.

CCAB.

5 May 2008.

19: 11.

WE WON!

Oh man it's really hard to swallow this piece of good news.

But THANK GOD. He's the MAN.

Thank you God for answering the prayers of so many people including me, although I haven't been on my best behavior. But You showed me Your forgiveness and mercy and I thank You Lord for bringing the ruggers back to the village in victory.

I pray that as we face ACSI Lord You'll give them strength, You'll take away any fear or anxiety and they'll be able to play like never before. They'll have so much courage Lord that they won't be able to even recognise themselves. Lord they'll play for You and give You the honour and thanksgiving be it a victory or not.

Please Lord, let it be half day, so that we can all go watch the match at padang! =)

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Reached in time to watch 2nd half. Saw Jonah immediately. Somehow he's that recognisable. Maybe cos JONAH GIANT. Haha.

After the match when Jonah was walking back to the gallery he had a lil blood on his face and it reminded me that rugby is not just a game, it's meant to HURT or KILL. Haha kidding. I was reminded of poor Abel during the match. BLOOD ALL OVER his face. A bit scary.

LETS GO SA LETS GO.

The bows of the warriors are broken, but those who stumbled are armed with strength.
1 Samuel 2:4

There is an oxymoron throughout the Bible. It says that brokenness is strength. How can this be? How can brokenness be strength? In order to use men and women to their fullest extent, the Lord has to break His servants so that they might have a new kind of strength that is not human in origin. It is strength in spirit that is born only through brokenness.

Paul was broken on the Damascus road. Peter was broken after Jesus was taken prisoner. Jacob was broken at Peniel. David was broken after his sin with Bathsheba. The list could go on of those the Lord had to break in different ways before they could be used in the Kingdom.

When we are broken, we see the frailty of human strength and come to grips with the reality that we can do nothing in our own strength. Then, new strength emerges that God uses mightily. God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.

Do not fear brokenness. For it may be the missing ingredient to a life that emerges with a new kind of strength and experience not known before. Pray for a broken and contrite heart that God can bless.

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Got this in my inbox.

Sometimes I feel like I'm disliking school more and more. For so many reasons, most trivial.

Will not state anything here cos it'll just cause another tagboard bomb again

Soccer guys had match today. But before they left school they were eating all together. I shared food with Jem Tan, who surprisingly ate very little. Leaving quite a bit for me. I made him eat everything else I couldn't finish though. Haha. It was his money anyway.


POOR ZECHOA! Swollen eye, he looks like stitch from lilo and stitch! Haha. Jem and I commented the same thing at the same time. But I guess Zechoa really strikes some resemblance to stitch. GET WELL ZECHOA!

JemO totally ignored me today until after his game. I was a bit shocked. I didn't see him till after the table was filled. But even then when I looked his way for damn long he didn't see me. Yet after the match when he finally msged me I realised he knew I was there. Something's wrong and I dont know what.

Someone told me that my classmates were making fun of me while I was sitting with the soccer guys today. I had my back turned, I couldn't see. But some people were mimicing the way I call zhilun. Apparently it's rather high pitched. And they did a good impression of it I was told. But I guess I don't really care, I think. That's my class for you. =)

Soccer guys played TJC today. We won duh. I think it was a 3-1.

Rachel and I missed out most of the 1st half. Cos there were NO cabs near school.

But there weren't any goals in the 1st half. The action began in the 2nd half, when TJ scored the first goal.

What a shock! We were expecting the match to be an easy win and they scored first.

Kuoloon equalised it quite soon after TJC's goal athough and then JemO and Kuoloon scored another few more. YAY! =)

Rushed off to VJ after the match for the VJ concert.

I think it's one of the most entertaining dance concerts I've been to. =)

I liked it, especially the lil kids guest performance! SO SMALL BUT SO CUTE. Haha.

Had supper at Parkway and then went home by BUS. I couldnt sleep at all which was rather surprising if you know me well you know I always sleep on transportation devices.

Reached mt cherry and then detoured to sybil's house to mail her notes. It was almost midnight and I was damn exhausted already so I just cabbed home. Thank God for that cab that appeared the moment I decided to cab back.

Going to school today was horrible. I tried smiling at myself in the mirror but it didn't work and I was so sad I was tearing throughout assembly. For the whole day I was simply switched off. Thank God math was cancelled. Otherwise I would have died.

Slept in econs today, I really couldn't take it anymore. It felt so good that I tried sleeping in GP but it didn't work. I just wasn't sleepy anymore.

I was starting to ask for consultations more regularly until daddy started to nag so much. Since the meet the parents conference I've not gone for any consultations. I think the PMT has adverse effects.

Goodness I don't want to face reality, I just want to sleep it all away.

Someone smile at me please.

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Oh my tians, God please take control of my life can. It's in a darn big mess and I've not done anything to help clean up.

I'm so tired I'm gonna sleep.