So why give me hope when you already are thinking " NO"?

I was spotted and I was excited.

So for the first time since I was 8 (do the math), someone else is telling me that my dream is not just a dream, it can become reality.

Why not? I checked them out, sounds legal, sounds clean, sounds strict but sounds good.

The mother checked it out, but what she told me wasn't what I wanted to hear.

" I tentatively agreed to the 2nd interview cos I wanted to know what their company did and who they are."

" I don't mind you going through the course but I don't want you to do any assignments till you get your university degree. No assignments, not even during the long holidays after A levels. You will be a relief teacher, or work in my office, keying in stuff and doing up excel files. You will give tuition and babysit."

" When you're 21 then you take care of yourself. If you still got that passion then by all means go for it."

" BUT I don't think they will keep you for that long if you don't do assignments."

Said the father," The entertainment industry is full of smokers and clubbers and drinkers. I don't want you to be influenced by them when you do assignments. So the best is to stay away from them."

" Take Annabel Chong for example. Raffles student, but one day she went cuckoo and had sex with hundreds of men. It's in the Guinness World of Records."

" Entertainers marry and remarry and remarry and remarry."

Sounds like a No from the beginning. So why give me false hope. This is what my parents like to do. Always give false hope. Always force you to do something you dont want to do. Always trying to steer you in the direction they WANT you to take. Safest way is the best way. Even if it means no fun, no laughter and no joy. No discussion. No talking back even if its valid points cos that would just mean you're plain stubborn, you have no manners and you can't control yourself so why should we give you any choice at all?

Its not as if I have no self control, its not as if I always fall into temptation when they come my way. You say most of the entertainers drink and smoke and club. You say its a dirty business. But don't just look on the bad side. Come on, there are happy families too. Its not as if in my eyes, there's only good. Of course I see the bad side. But I'm not doing it for the money or the fame. I'm doing it because it was my passion and dream since 1998. You're just killing my dream cos you don't like what I dream. So what for sustain me and keep me alive. So what for dream. I should have woken up 10 years ago.

You say I should go overseas and study. But you keep telling me you won't send me overseas to study. " Just get a scholarship." You think its so easy huh. Have you ever wondered if I wanted to go overseas to study? Haha. Joke. No.

I'm on my way to achieving my dream. I'm on my way to what I want to do in life. Normally, parents support their children and tell them not to give up in life. So why are my parents so abnormal? Why are they trying to make me become a teacher, a banker, a white collar worker?

Don't they get it? After 17 years they still don't get it?

I dont want to be cooped up in an air-conditioned office the whole day, breathing in cold dry air. I want to be out there in the open, even if it means perspiration, rain, thunder and lightning. Cos thats what I enjoy.

Don't tell me " I can always set up a company and attract all the young girls also what."

Don't tell me " Bullshit".

Don't tell me " Ok but not now, wait 4 years. Wait till your passion dies off then you'll reconsider."

So you think after 10 years my passion can just die off like that?

If in the first place you dont want me to be like this then why enrol me into speech and drama lessons, why make me sing and dance when I was younger for your relatives and friends when they are over for dinner, why allow me to be in drama club or dance when you don't want me to love it? Just force me to join an intellectual cca like debate. Oh no. Then I'll be able to speak up against you. Better not huh. Maybe library club would be better. I would just read all day quietly, sometimes dreaming of becoming the next president.

If you wanted to take me out of table tennis when I was in secondary 2, what for put me in the cca from the beginning?

In the first place if you wanted me to be a quiet little girl, without the ability to say no to whatever her parents want her to do, or plan for her to do, then why didn't you sew up my mouth when I was a baby? Or tear out my voice box?

I hate it when my parents show me the dreams they have for me, cos its not mine.

I hate it when they don't trust me and treat me like a little girl, who have no cares of the world and only want what's in front of her, always falling into temptation of sweets, not knowing how painful the toothache would be later. I have plans, I have my own ideas, thank you. I know what the industry may bring to me but I'll be ready to face it. I have my limit and I can say no too you know. I have priorities and I know what is important. I am not going to give up on studies once I tasted how sweet the entertainment industry is. I'm not a girl anymore. Wake up, your daughter is growing up already.

I keep praying for opportunities and I keep praying I'll be prepared for them. So why is it when one finally knocks on my door after 3 years (when you said no again to a good opportunity) you say no again? What for pray for opportunities then? I should pray for a life instead.

Besides, you keep saying you've seen so much. So how come you still don't understand that when you keep forcing your child to a point so much, usually they rebel? So you want to see me drink smoke club and all?

Sorry but I know what's best of me. Even if you don't. Cos thats what I see. You don't. You don't understand.