i was planning on buying the nike day bag for a very long time already. today i called mummy in her office and asked her if i could buy it. she said i could go meet her in the office and then can go to plaza sing after, cos the bag was sold at plaza sing.

went to her gym, ran 2.5 km.

used the igallop in her gym. i think its cool and good to use. have no idea why she said it wasnt worth getting after trying it in her office. made me think the igallop was a waste of money too. man, shouldnt have listened to her.

after gym, went to sakae sushi. the first time we had dinner together. just mother and daughter.
felt awkward.

had a very quick dinner, then made our way to plaza sing. saw the bag and mum immediately gave a loud," huh? oh no."

she didnt like it, said it was a waste of time. and accused me again of buying it just for an upcoming event. in this case, she mentioned the chalet i'm going for tomorrow.

i told her that it was not about the event and said that i could use her old bag for the chalet but i still wanted to buy that one.

then she kept talking about the house renovation, how we are gonna have to clear space, the toiletries bag i bought, everything that went wrong in the past. well done man, raking up stuff from the past.

in the end, she decided to buy the bag but i refused. so we made our way home. and on the way she kept talking about how we have been very distant, how my attitude was always wrong, how i was possibly under peer pressure, how much she doesnt want me to go to ac since there will be a lot of rich man's sons in jaguars, lexuxes and mercedeses. she didnt rule out the possibility of me going to australia, but she didnt tell me. she just talked about a lot of stuff and i simply kept silent.

for the whole journey she thought i was disappointed, angry, irritated and so on. i just kept silent cos i knew that if i spoke, even very gently, she would mistake me as some evil money wasting, talking back rebel again.

now, let me tell you. i am not the least bit disappointed in getting the bag, cos i know that one day, God's going to give it to me. i'm just upset that she still assumes things of me that i have already put behind.

1. already stated that its not the event that makes me want to buy stuff. its just that sometimes, i want to buy that thing for ages, but only when i need it then do i want to buy it.

she says we have loads of toiletries bags at home and that when i bought the tea one, i was wasting money. haha, very funny. when i said i needed one, i already did research. we only have 2 at home. dad threw away the rest since they were old and dirty. and in the past, i used her toiletries bag, just that the toiletries bag wasnt made from good materials, so it leaked, and also it was mouldy. (thus dad threw it away)

of the two, one is the same as the one i used int he past. its her current one now and its not in a very clean situation. the other is not waterproof.

2. just tell me i have a chance of going to australia and we wouldnt have any problems. cos i would save up every penny for australia.

3. we had all the quarrels over sleeping bags, toiletries bags and shoe bags and all that other stuff like the japan trip, taiwan trip, tm camp..because i was the one who spoke. bryan hated the ideas more than me, but didnt speak up for what he wanted. he wanted to go to tm camp more than i did. i didnt mind going to japan. but because i spoke up for what i wanted, i get all the blame. i get blamed for wanting to spend more time with friends than with family when obviously its bryan who goes out every sunday and saturday with friends while i just stay at home.

he wants the shoebag as badly as me but doesnt want to say anything. when i finally went to buy the shoebag after everything, he was the one that asked me to buy one for him too. man, i feel used.

another reason why i want my own things is because i would know how clean they are. i wash every bag after every event. mum used the gym bag today and she expects me to use it tomorrow for the stayover too? hello, what time is there for it to dry?

what if i needed it the same time as her?

i should have spoken up in the car and stated my intentions and feelings. but i was afraid that i would again be labelled as a good for nothing money wasting girl who doesnt know the value of money and all that jazz.

i wasnt angry over anything at first and didnt even mind not buying the bag today. but her labelling me so many things, accusing me of so many thing makes me mad. i think i'm gonna rip of the head of my stress toy- merrill lynch bull.

hear me roar.