i'm kinda disappointed. haha. and i bet no one would believe me when i say i dont really have good friends.

well, its somewhat true. i define a good friend as one who would understand my feelings, be honest with me, know what i would want and you know, have that 'telepathy' thing. and a true friend is willing to go through tough times with you. also, a friend is willing to share her feelings.

i realised that in upper sec, i have NO really good friends. not that i dont have friends, but no one in my class really connects with me. yea i have my clique, but somehow we dont really "click". ever since joanne left for shanghai, no one has been honest with me, telling me what she thinks about me.

i really miss life in a1 class in lower sec, however, it was only yesterday that i actually regretted not quitting table tennis earlier to concentrate on my studies. then i could be in a different class. i'm starting to be tired of the people in mine. yesterday was really the first time i was angry at myself for not working harder in sec 2.

its really wierd how some people can keep her ideas from you until the last minute although the matter concerns you. i got quite angry today in school but i kept it to myself.

my clique decided last week to come to my house to watch a movie. so to be a good host, i went to the supermarket and bought tons of food from cheese sausages to wor ties, the same as the kind they sell in school. i bought sesame dumplings, drinks and everything, i think my dad almost went broke. haha. nah, kidding.

i went to school today, happy that it was the second last day of prelims. however, when i reached the classroom, and sat down, i asked rachel, " so what time are you all planning to come?" or something to that effect. rachel just blankly answered," oh we are going to beefy's house, cos you and jo have chinese. so by the time you all come we would have finished the show."

huh? i then asked," so means i not going lah?"

rachel said," yah."

yah. yah? what is this?

then to hide my embarassment i replied," oh ok lor, then you all go la." as if just deciding that they go by themselves, like they haven't already decided.

if it were me, i would have been willing to wait for a friend at home before watching the show or even wait in the classroom first, even though it were a 2 hour paper.

if it were me, i would be GLAD to wait for a friend, and then enjoy her company.

i guess i'm not that important huh.

actually, all these are small matters, what i'm pissed about is that every single one of them lacked basic courtesy to even tell me that they were not coming, even though they obviously made the decision the day before.

i was quite upset that i sat for my paper and halfway, i was distracted by my thoughts. i thought of how little i meant to them, how 'thoughtful' they were. and obviously, they could have fun without feeling guilty.

i'm actually speechless at their actions although i know that their characters are like that. i should have gotten used to it. but i dunno what happened.

i'm speechless i actually bother. if i were still in a1 class, all these wouldnt matter. simply because, the people would not treat you like dirt or as if you were invisible.

i learnt how to be invincible when i came to b1 class, i stopped talking so much ever since sec 3.

oh well, life goes on and tomorrow, i have to continue pretending.

oh wait, i dont really have to, cos i'm invincible.