There are so many things happening around and to me that can be explained only because of prayer.

Like my intestinal infection, my mum, my ability to enjoy camp and j2 trip and reaching Junnie's house.

My everything.

I understand.

From both sides I understand.

And when she did what she did, I understood.

I think it wasn't a very good way to prove her point, but right now I can't think of another way to do so.

Today is Christmas Eve, and

I see the hurt on both ends but I have no clue what to do other than to pray.

I hope this ends soon.

I blog whenever I feel like it. Mostly I blog when I'm down. So it's not a true reflection of who I really am in person.

--------------------

Whenever I say I wanna go home, something must have happened.

Think harder.

Today I said it 4 times.

--------------------

I'm disappointed with myself, again. Recently I feel like I've been dsappointed in a lot of stuff.

I can wallow in my misery and be bitter or I can pray and ask God to help me, take it away, remind me of happy stuff and not let me habour my disappointment so that it doesn't grow bigger.

I choose to pray.

I didn't like the tart I made.

Considering that it was my first attempt, fine then. But still. I thought the results would have been much better.

-----------------

Sometimes I don't bother, sometimes I think I'm too competitive.

But if I'm in a competition that I didn't know about initially, eventually when I face my 'competitor' again, I'll spit fire. Even if you're close to me. I'm sorry.

------------------

When I ask you to say sorry, just say sorry even if you don't understand why.

I have my reasons.

I thank God for Jonah. I thank God for answering my prayers said this afternoon.

I thank God for being so amazing, so awesome, He's got everyone wired together. I think that's damn cool.

I'm wondering if I feel like blogging only when I'm stressed or I want to be heard.

God told me to take one step at a time, in faith. IN FAITH.

God met all my expectations for camp.

God gave me a miracle right after camp.

Camp was fun, as always. There is something different about this one as ocompared to the previous camps. I have no idea what is it either.

I'm back, and I'm red, black and moulting. YAY. =)

I hope it lasts. It hurts a bit though, but I've not felt sunburnt in so long I like the feeling now. Weird. Haha.

Got lots of stuff. Daddy, not surprisingly, is shipping 2 crates back.

I bought my first 5 bottles of wine. Ok not really, daddy bought me my first 5 bottles. Hahaha.

Aussie weather is so dry weird that everytime something falls on me or I bump into something, I bleed. Like when the paper bag fell from the car seat, it cut my leg and I bled for a day. The wound didn't close til 2 days later. I'm covered in cuts. That not good.

I'm in melbourne, drinking wine every day, lunch and dinner.

And in the next few days, I'll be touring (and tasting) in the vineyards we'll be visiting. Heh. Shiok seh.

I want to ask the guys there at the vineyards how to properly appreciate wine. I heard you must bite. BITE WINE. Haha.

The only reason (probably) why I have internet access now, is because mummy wanted to book rooms for next week, in Melacca. She did so in 4 minutes, so I have 56 minutes left to use.

HOW COME MY PARENTS SO SHIOK HUH. Just come back wanna go holiday again. In future, I also want. Haha.

Aussie dollar is so down that it's S$1 to A$1.

The clothes and other stuff I've bought are considered cheaper already (if A$ strengthens in future)

I want one of those cowboy-ish hats. And black grey jeans.

Went to the Aquarium today, THE PENGUINS ARE FRICKIN CUTE. I wish I wasn't separated from them by the glass panel though, I wanna touch them! =))

Went for a tour behind the scenes of the Melbourne Aquarium, got to see how they quarrantine some animals, how much food and where they store the food for the fishes, sat in a glass bottom boat which was steered above the big gallery so I saw the big sharks and sting rays from ABOVE them as well as beside them.

Shopped very little these 2 days, but there would be less shopping once we leave the city. =(

Ok correction. My daddy's shopping bill would probably be higher there than here in the city.

Prom is over and post prom is on. I'm home from post prom, of course, the rest of the school is still there. I'm being considerate for my over protective parents who cannot sleep in peace until I reach home safely. I wished I was still there, but I had major fun already. =)

Pictures on facebook.

At prom, at least 6 classmates went on stage at least once. Gus and Diana were prom king and queen nominees.

Diana won Best Dressed and Gus won Mr Popular. My class is awesome, we don't only g on stage, we win. Haha.

Arthur won the Wii from the lucky draw, I wantttttttt.

I'm amazed at the lucky draw prizes.

They gave away 20 pizes, but each was worth more than a hundred. And at about number 13 they already gave an estimated, more than $300 worth of prize. Imagine the top 10 and top 5 prizes. Haha.

Took the chartered bus to post prom, where something went a bit wrong, but I'm not very worried. I had so much fun, saw many people I didn't see at prom, which is why I'm thankful I went.

I had a dream, that I was in school. But this was a weird school, and I was on the run for committing some error. And I dreamt that Jonah was beside me, very supportive.

I think the best two events after A levels so far is the gathering at manda's house and dance farewell.

Cindy's house is DANG huge, like a castle. Can get lost in it. She doesn't even know how many toilets are there. Haha.

The juniors did a great job with all the planning and effort and all that, I was really touched by their lovely handmade pillows.

Watched an episode of supernatural, I AM SO SURE A9 would not believe it. Haha. Obviously I had my ears blocked and eyes shaded by my remaining fingers not already in my ears. The video linked into a treasure-hunting game. Haha.

Germies Choops and I took FOREVER to find the first clue, not just because the house was too big, but more because we were all too afraid to venture into the darkness. Haha. The juniors hid everywhere in the house, ready to scare any passing senior.

I had so much fun. =)

I am still trying to convince my parents about post prom.

Someone tell my parents nobody goes home right away after prom.

Someone tell my parents that although it is inevitable that there would be less than decent people at post prom, I am in very good company. I will be "safe".

The playful people will surely appear at post prom, but they are at prom as well, so what's the diff?

As long as I am alert, I'll not be in "danger". In the first place, why would dangerous people target me? I don't know them they don't know me, and I am with a big bunch of people.

Even church mates go for post prom. Even if they don't go for their own post prom, they go to bars and pubs to chill out, they don't go home immediately.

How am I to convince my over-protective parents?

Hello, I am 19.

I understand where they are coming from, but they have to know that they are treating me like I'm 10.

2am is not indecent,nor is it havoc.

HAHA. Cheryl being havoc? I laugh.

I am so decent I get laughed at.

Went out the whole day again. Seems like that's all I'm doing these days.

Athena and I went to town and I got most of my stuff I need.

I'm going to ikea tomorrow.

Dear God, I'm broke and I still want to get those photo frames for the elderly and I want to be able to give James and Kelvin the presents I already have in mind.

My spending back account has zero money, I pray for enough.

----------------------

Went to manda's house for dinner and to chill. GUITAR HERO.

I want. Christmas? Heh.

I now play bass, drums, sing and guitar.

On Wii.

I am utterly confused over the things happening to me.

Nicole reminded me that God has His plan.

But hey, you try to make things easier for me, yes thank you very much, but if you don't tell me anything about it first, it'll come across as a doubt to my abilities.

I feel quilty for spending this kind of money.

Maybe cos I haven't spent like that since starting to study for A levels.

------------------

I went to City Hall and Orchard with Sybs, Somerset with Beeth and Aud, walked to Paragon to meet Nicole and then to Daryl's house to meet with beloved J2s.

The J2s thought I was wearing make up. HAHA.

Since P1, schoolmates ask me if I have eyeshadow on.

I take it as a compliment. =)

So A Levels are over, alright, but I haven't absorbed that piece of information yet.

Maybe I'm not ready to leave the life of knowing exactly what I will wear in the morning, fixed orders.

Or maybe I'm not ready declare freedom and face everything.

I'm not thinking about anything, I'm just gonna take it as it comes.

Right now, there are more important things to be done.

Some of the less important things include browning my hair, curling, highlights, getting tanner, skinner.

I'm serious, exam times are pig out times when I throw my 930pm rule over my shoulder. Daddy buys ice cream and I eat. Not that I don't want ice cream, I can never get enough. But ice cream fat. Now I need self control, discipline. OF COURSE, if it's supper WITH FRIENDS, or whatever, EXCEPTION.

---------------

There is one trait I inherited from my daddy, obviously not from mummy, and I'm so glad I have it. Cos if I'm like mummy in that aspect, no fun.

I recognise though, that in this aspect, I have to have self control, I need to realise that it might become a problem.

I'm lucky I have this trait, I'm lucky I still haven't reached my limit, if I face chances that might push it though, I won't.

So I was outright disobedient, I did something mummy said not to do. I know it would be IMPOSSIBLE not to disobey, so I didn't try.

Ok don't learn.

I will, however, start to refrain once I feel there is a problem.

Plus, whenever stuff like that happens, I'm always in good company.

I make sure.

Thinking happy thoughts. Happy thoughts.

But ice cream no more. All that's left is a quarter tub of coffee and wheatgerm.

This is not exactly what I need right now.

-------------------------

If there is something wrong, and you have to ask if I'm ok, I'm not, even if I said I was.

But my pride forces me not to say so much, I'll just keep it and hope it doesn't grow so I don't explode.

If it's small, give it time and it'll probably disappear.

I'll work on it.

---------------------------

The world is consumed by people that they forget people.

And soon, people forget they have ties.

I feel like my ties with people are being stretched, weighed down by stuff sitting on the lines.

You don't have to get me.

------------------------

From now, I'll try not to do so much, try not to initiate so much, try not to be too active.

I'll be less helpful.

I'll say that I don't want to do it.

I don't want to do it.

-----------------------

Make me happier.

too many people.

"chat already then not strangers liao what."

i'm sorry even people on my msn who have been talking to me for more than 4 years are still strangers.

I had fun. Today was a lil bit longer and more energy consuming. But I had fun.

The girls decided to wear dresses to church today after watching flywheel yesterday haha. So I wore one. SURPRISE. Mine was exceedingly short and I was afraid it would fly in the wind. And cos it was low in front, I wore my sweater through most of the day. HOT.

After WLM I went home to change and back to coffeebean to read till the guys were ready to go for soccer.

Going to yishun felt like a trip to malaysia. LONG. HAHA.

But I was rewarded with cool breezes, clouds without too much sun, and VAST land. Ok not really. Patches and patches of land, which if put together, is quite a lot! Haha.

The guys played soccer while I watched but I didn't see much cos their play was affected by the waterlogged pitch.

And I got tired from standing. So I sat in the car for quite a while and read Fasting,Feasting until I saw Heather and a stroller. Which means, JONNIE MANN WAS THERE. Heh.

Of course I played with Jonnie until the big guys finished soccer.

Travelled back to S21 for dinner. And then I walked home with James. I thought I was about to die halfway up the overhead bridge. Hahaha.

John says I should bring a foldable chair, a cam, titbits and more people. Haha.

Yeah the chair a must, the cam, a should, titbits already bringing but I guess more, and people, hahaha.

I'm gonna stop here cos I'm just rambling. I'm tired.

This is the quote you want.

It is sometimes a disadvantage to be so very guarded. If a woman conceals her affection with the same skill from the object of it, she may lose the opportunity of fixing him, and it will then be but poor consolation to believe the world equally in the dark.

I am still not looking forward to the end of A levels.

Yeap, we all are, afterall humans.

God alone is awesome enough to hear all of me, and be there 24/7.

Although I'm a lil sad, I'm comforted that I have a friend in God.

I take all that back, and I give up. =)

Anyway, I watched Nights in Rodanthe today. And if you haven't watch it, please do.

The geoggers went today after our paper.

SUPER NICE. SUPER SUPER NICE.

Brilliant love story. Richard Gere and Diana Lane. I sigh.

Everyone in the theatre ended up in tears.





OK. The theatre was less than half full. Haha.

But it's good. =)

I LOVE your answer. =)))))

Had to resist from jumping out of my seat.

Make me scream out loud.

Now, don't disappoint.

If Singapore is an Alpha world country, having advanced producer service in accounting, advertising, finance and law, as recognised by the Globalisation and World City Study Group and Network based in Loughborough University England, then why do some people not know that Singapore is not a place in China?

Haha. Reminds me of my limerick I wrote in Sec 1 or 2.

Where's Singapore, my daughter?
It's in the middle of China
No no it's not!
Oh yes I forgot!
It's an island, surrounded by water

HAHAHA

Not bad eh, I use half rhyme eh.

By God's strength only.

-------------

You're not asking the right questions, and I'm not giving you the right answers.

A Living Example of Love

By Gloria Copeland

And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

Romans 5:5

Don't ever worry about not having enough love inside you. The Word says God's love is shed abroad in your heart by the Holy Ghost. God's love is in you. What you need to do is make a decision to let it flow.

Pray this prayer today.

"In Jesus' Name, I make a fresh and strong commitment today to live the life of love, to let the tenderness of God flow through me and heal the wounded hearts of those I meet.

"Father, teach me to love even when things go wrong. To be patient and kind when the children are underfoot. To overlook the spiteful words of an angry spouse. To rejoice when someone at the office gets the raise that I thought I needed. Teach me to talk in love, to lay gossip quietly aside and to take up words of grace instead.

"Lord, Your Word says that Your love is already inside me...that it has been shed abroad in my heart. So today, I resolve to remove every obstacle that would keep that love from flowing freely into the lives of others. I put resentments behind me, and I forgive all those who've done me wrong.

"In the days ahead, cause me to increase and excel and overflow with Your love. Cause me to be what this world needs most of all...a living example of love. Amen."

The Most Important Time of My Day

By Lysa TerKeurst

"... Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."

Matthew 4:4

Is it really that important to have a quiet time with the Lord everyday? I mean, the Lord knows how busy my life is, so if I just toss up a few prayers and listen to a Christian song on the radio while rushing off to work, that should suffice, right?

It's easy to let the busyness of life crowd out time for prayer, Bible reading, and sitting with the Lord. There are a million things on all of our to-do lists, time is tight, and quiet moments seem few and far between. But I've learned that if I make the choice to be with the Lord first thing in the morning, my outlook on life that day and my ability to handle things seems to go so much smoother.

Also, I've had to change my mindset on having a quiet time. Spending time with the Lord in the morning doesn't end when I say "amen" and put my Bible back on the shelf. I've just invited the King of Kings to participate in my day. So, I get up from spending time with the Lord in the morning and start eagerly looking for His hand of activity in my life.

I think about the Bible verses I read that morning and look for ways to apply them to my life that very day. I watch the circumstances that come my way hour by hour and ask the Lord to constantly give me wisdom to process life in the way that would be most honoring to Him. My mindset is healthier, my attitude more positive, and my ability to extend grace to those who rub me the wrong way is increased just by setting aside some time to be with the Lord.

If you are struggling with having quiet time with the Lord each day, try these helpful ideas:

Be honest with God and admit your struggle. Ask God to give you the desire to set aside time to be with Him.

Start with just a small amount of time. Even if it is just 5 minutes at first, give this 5 minutes solely to the Lord without any other distractions. Over the next weeks and months, your desire for more time with Him will increase.

Use a version of the Bible that lends itself to study. I use the NIV Life Application Study Bible and I love it. It helps me understand the context each book was written in and gives me commentaries to understand specific verses.

Ask God for understanding as you read the Bible. When I first started reading the Bible I had a hard time, so I started praying that God would open my spiritual eyes to see the truths in a life changing way for me.

Write some of the verses that seem most applicable to your life on 3x5 cards and use them in your prayers. For example, Matthew 6:19-20 says, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth... But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven." So, I could use this verse in my prayer time by praying, "God, help me to know how to store up treasures in Heaven. Help me to relinquish my tight hold on my earthly possessions so I can use them to build your kingdom now. Show me how to best use that which you have blessed me with. Give me your mindset for the money I have."

Get involved in a Bible Study with friends. This will help hold you accountable to getting your study time done and will open up great discussions to deepen everyone's understanding of applying God's truths to everyday life.

Suggested Prayer:

Dear Lord, I want a more vibrant relationship with You and I know having a daily quiet time is an important part of that. Help me make this my most important priority each day, no matter how busy life is. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

You always bring me back to God.

-

You are the reason why I never want to go home alone.

You are the reason why I don't like empty weekends.

You are the reason why I fear.

You're the reason why I like A levels.

-

You are the reason why when I see the place, I only think one thing.

Drank everything I could to keep awake.

Ciaga, coffee, brand's, water.

I kept damn awake.

But now I'm tired, I need a break before 5pm tuition.

My paper ended at 11.

I've been studying since 12 plus non-stop.

TIRED.

I feel it.

I feel more confident.

Tomorrow I have to chiong econs.

How about I keep getting distracted.

Human geog.

Joke.

Haha.

I'm losing hair like my life depended on it.

I've got no inspiration today.

THERE IS A LIZARD IN MY HOUSE.

HELP.

Seven years ago, when I was eleven, my team boarded the bus back to school after getting our trophies.

My coach said he'll raise up more singles players, he's thinking about Cheryl and Charisse.

And I said, "Huh, no..." so quickly, I was embarrassed to be picked.

But then after a few weeks, when I saw Charisse training to be a singles player, I was jealous and I knew that that was what I'd always wanted.

And from then on I decided that I'll never again say no to anything, unless of course, I knew full well that I really didn't want it.

NEVER say never.

---------------------

Did I mention my family went to Otto for dinner today?

Love that place. The food's good, the wine mummy had's good, the ambience, the waiters in charge and the italian manager (LOVE HIS ACCENT).

Daddy liked that place too, so I'm guessing that won't be our last time there. =)

I labelled it "the best damn thing" in my document folder about half a year ago. =)

An msn conversation.

Cheryl: enough about me.

C: You.

C: got any birthday wishes?

Person: can I have a cliched one?

C: yep.

P: for you to smile, if not smile more!

P: HAHA

C: haha

C: is that really your wish?

P: I'm serious lah!

P: YES

C: don't waste it lah haha.

P: don't like it when you're stressed and stuff

C: omg you're making me cry haha

P: NO!

P: that was not my intention!

Aww. so nice right. haha. I smile.

Why not.

After all, you've held me before.

I'll say yes immediately.

So ask me.

People say they're supposed to taste salty, but they seem tasteless to me.

My dad says without qualifications, you can't get a job.

My mum says I should work in an office.

James says I must have more confidence in myself.

--------------------------

There is a reason why I always choose to forget.

2kg since monday. I say not bad.

Haha what a joke. I feel a bit angry, a bit lost, a bit surprised, a bit apologetic.

To be less important. On so many levels.

I take comfort in knowing that God's not like that. =)

ADD ON:

It's now about 5 minutes after I posted this. And I learnt that I have to trust more.

I packed a bit of my resource corner, that mahjong area mummy uses that I dumped everything I needed for A levels.

Put math and gp and physical geog into a nice golden reusable bag. Irony lies in that I feel as though my notes on those subjects do not deserve the gold.

And while packing, I found a letter I wrote sometime this year. Didn't manage to post it out. Yeah, to a guy. Probably my first letter to a guy in my life. Haha. If he knows that the letter was for him, he should be DAMN honoured. Haha.

To keep this post as light as possible, I cut out whatever I wrote earlier that should be where this sentence is, and put it where I feel it'll be safe. If you're my best friend, you'll be able to read my mind.

-------------------------

I am reminded, that weeks ago I told Wyn that if I don't do anything, eventually it'll all disappear.

It has. See, I told you so. Haha.

I'll worry again when it comes again. For now, I'm happy as it is.


-----------------------

I read the 5 reasons to wait and 5 reasons to date. Haha.

HAHA.

I'm laughing because I found it quite true.

To all 5 reasons to date.

I did some soul searching as it suggested but I can't see anything in me that is a factor, if you know what I'm talking about.

I have a few guesses though. If you ask me maybe I'll tell you, I'm not putting it here. It'll break my "strong" image. Haha.

Guess who took it for me? ;)

I like it cos my horrifying complexion doesn't look so bad here.

Or maybe cos it's obviously editted.

Whatever it is, here's one more just cos I like. =)

WHAT THE TOOTS I WANT TO SCREAM, MATH WAS A DISASTER THAT SWEPT THROUGH THE COHORT.

My brain is numb.

I feel like all the studying I had done was for nothing, cos math was MAD.

Like byebye A, hello U. Looks like I might have to retake A Levels again huh.

Haha. Joke of the century.

Yeah now I should move on.

God knows what He's doing, so I'm not worried.

I can move on, but I just want to have the last word.

STUPID MATH.

There. =)

I realised that the cause of so many things I wished, wanted to see that didn't come to past, is the lack of prayer.

I've learnt my lesson and I'm gonna pray harder than before.

Of course, faith without deeds, is dead, james 2:17. I'm gonna revise math, lit and the remaining geog, I'm gonna ask Jonah down again, I'm gonna do so many things I've never done in the past.

Gp down.

Geog paper 1 down.

After tomorrow, math down.
I can't wait.

And then I DON'T MIND WAITING LONGER for lit. I'm TOTALLY not looking forward to it haha.

GP was a disappointment, like what Sybs said. I think max a D? And physical geog max a C.

Quite forgivable, the first gp paper was done in a ______ state of mind.

Not quite forgivable, gp paper 2. I didn't finish AQ. And I didn't fill in the vocab for crude. WTH. The word stuck in some drawer in my brain room was PRIMITIVE. Used in context would be fine.

I just didn't open that drawer. I was like, " Starts with P. Or T. Trivial? NO. Prehistoric? NO.

I guess thats how the brain works sometimes. At least I got the "p" and "t" right. HAHA.

I hope I'm a pessimist. Then maybe my results might turn out higher than predicted. Now that's being optimistic. HAHA.

----------------------

I was walking through the MRT station today when I thought I heard," Paging for Cedric Diggory. Paging for Cedric Diggory..."

And I thought first: Why the toots are they they paging for a FICTIONAL CHARACTER?

Even if he's not a fictional character, he's dead. Heh.

--------------------

My name stamp was put to good use after the geog paper.

I used at least 5 more pieces of paper more than they gave initially (called twice for paper). The first time I raised my hand, the invigilator only wanted to give me 2 pieces. Like HUH. Geog eh. Geog can write til the cows come home one. 2 where got enough? So I told him," Eh sorry I think I need more." So he gave me 4.

Then I called again for more paper and this lady gave me 5 pieces. =D

I say man more stingy than woman.

OK unfair statement, based on my one experience.

I say man sometimes more stingy than woman.

Heh.

BACK TO THE POINT, I had no time to write my name on all pieces of paper. So I just used the stamp. I liked how I flipped every piece of paper quickly and stamped and flipped and stamped, while the invigilator waited in front of my desk. The sound the stamp made sounded good. Maybe the efficiency sounded good. Heheh.

------------------

To end this entry:

You can probably tell, I'm in a good mood, I'm ending all my parts with either a HAHA or HEH. Or HEHEH.

That's cos I left everything in the exam hall.

Heheh.

I'm gonna face every paper at a time. Soon it'll be over.

It's really exciting. Like embarking on a long distance trip.

I'm encouraged by all the smses and notes and conversations on MSN.

So I'm not exactly stressed that I haven't finished geog revisions. I can't find my plate tectonic notes. I've still got floods to cover. Mass movement and weathering to cover. And I have to go through micro and macro climate again cos I didn't absorb anything about it just now.

Geog is half common sense.

CAN ONE. =)

With God. CAN ONE.

Studied till 4am on friday. Ok. Saturday technically.

YAY my gp essays were apparently not bad, well written! I'm glad I finally didn't disappoint Zhuang-hui. FINALLY. Haha. And compre wasn't badly done either. Confidence level up. Heh.

After econs tuition, before gp, I had about 2 hours. Hit bryan's bed and slept immediately.

NIGHTMARES.

I dreamt kelvin and bryan ate my last tub of macadamia nut haagen daz for lunch!!!

I dreamt there was a new surround sound system installed in the living room. (ok this is not a nightmare hahaha)

I dreamt Zhuang-hui called me cos he came early for lesson and I ignored the vibrations my phone made and went back to sleep. HAHA.

I had so many dreams in that 2 hours that it felt like I slept for 10 hours.

Ok maybe the only big nightmare I remember was the ice cream one. HAHA.

Zhuang-hui drove me to TM. During CG time I felt like I had not met all my J2s in a damn long time. Long week it has been man.

I'm gonna be bagkeeper tomorrow at playday in church. I'm gonna sit in a corner and read geog notes like no tomorrow. Hahaha.

Oh Lord bless me.

A levels in 4 days. I haven't touched human geog.

Not a single tick for lit.

Zhuang-hui my gp tuition teacher said he was going to strangle me when I made some ridiculous mistakes.

And yet. All I feel is a slight disappointment in myself, for not being able to treat A Levels with as much "respect" it is due.

Come on man. People have said it's the toughest paper I'm gonna be sitting for. I don't feel any stress at all.

Lit? I should be stressed over lit. And geog. Yeah geog.

Let's not get started on math. And econ.

Which is pretty much everything already.

Maybe God wants me to fail everything and retake.

Maybe it's a punishment for ignoring the voice in my head, telling me to quit dance.

2 people blatantly cut my taxi queue this morning on my way to school. Maybe I was invisible. Haha. One man one woman. The lady stood right in front of me. And the guy, waiting at the small lane beside the main road, then when no taxis seemed to be coming, he walked in front of the lady. EVEN WORSE. Haha. Peace peace. Nevermind, maybe I was really invisible. Haha.

And then. After studying the afternoon away, Jem's dad gave me a lift to the mrt station. I greeted him as uncle on sight. OH MY TIANS. FYI, Jem's dad is Mr Ong, one of the physics TEACHERS in school.

I dropped the papers I was holding twice on the way to his car. Haha. Maybe I was still in shock over my carelessness and lack of thought as I greeted his dad.

When he dropped me off, I made sure I said thanks Mr Ong. Haha.

Chinatown studying with Daryl and Eliel. Daryl bought 20 wo-tiehs to share. But ok la, guys can eat. Like EAT.

Studied a bit more before going home, studied somemore with Jo who was already at my house. HAHA.

I told her about the NZ rugby 7s team that came to my school to train today.

THEY WERE UBER COOL.

100% hotness, 100% fit.

Arrived in school just in time to see them do the hakka. And later after their training, they walked past where I was studying. I purposely stopped writing to look at them. Most of them smiled at me, and one even winked. I TELL YOU I ALMOST FAINTED LAH. I'm kidding. HAHA. But there was this one guy, who looked about my age. HOTTEST.

Ah I want him as my boyfriend. The whole world would be so jealous. He's really damn hot. HAHA. If only his character was as good as he was hot. And know me.

I am so superficial. NEVERMIND. Haha!

Once in a while, indulging in ideas that are shallow as such and impossible as such makes me laugh. =)

I switched my aircon on again after my parents tried to wake me up. Snoozed from 7 to 10. Cheryl is be pro.

Studied the day and night away. With Jem in school, then Jo at home.

Studied till we SIAN then we watched freedom writers.

Heh. And then studied somemore until 9.

Chompchomped and frolicked til 1030 before we came back to studying until 1am.

I need to bathe and sleep and make sure I wake up and get my parents to send me to school. Otherwise God knows what time I'll snooze till this time.

Productive day.

Tomorrow's schedule:

8am to 230pm: School to study.
230 to ??pm: Consultation.
?? to 730pm: Chinatown study.
8pm to ??pm: Jo study.

My life is full of question marks. Heh.

I'm happier today than yesterday. Cos I made more ticks on my 4 sheets of mahjong paper checklist of chapters I need to complete before A levels.

Reality only just set in, I might not be able to complete revising half my syllabus, for all subjects.

Even so, I feel fine. My future might be screwed. But so?

I might not be able to eat ice cream every day, or switch on the air-conditioning when I sleep next time.

HORRIBLE thought. May they never happen.

But even if they do.

Even if I might not be able to afford a part time helper to sweep the floor, or watch DVDs on 50inch,

I'll be happy cos that's what God planned.

He probably. No. He most DEFINITELY has His reasons. =)

-------------------------------

After GP tuition, Jo and Beeth came over and studied the afternoon away.

Went for dinner at PS and then I broke the law of love.

HAHAHA. Couldn't help it.

BUT. IT WAS GOOD.

;)

I fear losing friends to the world.

It pains me to see them so near me but nowhere close.

-----------

Some things have to be kept within me. So hard to do, but a must in order not to cause anyone to fall. To keep things as stable as possible. For as long as possible.

Who wants to hear them anyway.

-----------

If I take it, I might possibly have to don an uncomfortable mask. I want to be free and not hold back, I want to be as true as I can, but then the world might not approve my ways.

------------

I'm just rambling.

It was difficult not to understand what God wants to tell us.

Just look around you.

-----------------------------

Saw Trey in church. Lil guy's damn cute! Haha. I'll never get enough of him.
I bet when he grows up he'll be hot. ;)

Saw Jonnie Mann during lunch, playing with an umbrella 1.5 times his height. Hahaha.

Yami-ed. Wheatgerm yums.

Met Nicole and Matt at yami and we chatted for some time before we went to Novena with the guys and Jess.

NO SPACE at TTS. NO SPACE at the glass house.

What space we found eventually was outdoors, susceptible to sun rays. Rickety tables didn't make things better. But eventually it got too comfortable that I managed to nap even after Java chip. Awesome place huh. Haha. Studied damn little.

Back at Bishan on the way home, I went back to yami and packed some wheatgerm home. Woohoo!

And then I got lazy and wanted to reach home fast. So... ;)

I need to chiong GP again.

Friday's prayer. Island Cremary.

Chiong GP. Damn tired.

Saturday morning.

Chiong GP.

Econs tuition.

Lisar selling man-made pearls. DAMN NICE. I WANT the blue earrings. $30.

Case study pro now. I'm kidding. Gotta practice lots.

Chiong GP.

GP tuition.

Went through essays, outlines and compre.

Need more practice. =(

TM.

Was half hoping that Jonah would just TURN UP. Nope. He didn't.

Didn't really learn anything today. Wasn't absorbing.

James asked us what was our most memorable punishment during CG time as an opener.

Suddenly, a whole lot of stuff flooded my mind and I struggled to stay afloat in all the thoughts. A lot of insecurities, a lot of forgiveness I had to regive, a lot of sorry(s) to say, a big lack of faith, worries, sorrow.

I excused myself, sat against the door in the toilet and cried and recommitted everything to Christ, I told him all that was on my mind, even though He already knows. I just had to verbalise.

One thing I got from God was: even if there are a million loud noises around, if you really want to seek Him, you can always hear Him loud and clear.

The other noises would somehow disappear.

------------------------

Thanks John. Brotherhood yo.

Words are dancing. Signals me to sleep.

Audrey's birthday was chocked full with surprises even the rest of us didn't anticipate.

On the way to Sushi-tei, Mich and I were saying how the planners are always more excited than the birthday girl when preparing and planning all the surprises.

Aud's birthday was exciting both while preparing and while carrying out. Serious. Full of pop ups we didn't expect.

What we did:

Met for Sushi-tei dinner.
Beeth appeared after telling Aud she had tuition.
Had the waitress put page-ups holding Aud's picture and wishes of her happy birthday on the conveyor belt. Heh.

I tell you Aud damn blind. The first page-up came along. And I was like," Aud help me take that sushi!"

She took a plate beside the page up, rolled her eyes and was like," Cheryl, SINCE WHEN you eat this one ah?"

So I said, "Oh put back put back."

She put it back right NEXT to the page up and continued eating.

The rest of us were in shock for like a second before Jo said, " LOOK AUDREY!"

Haha.

After dinner we went to dabao prata for Bryan. Halfway there we surprised Aud with the hat. Heh. We had a hard time trying to convince Audrey to wear it. Haha.

The prata man gave Aud a flower.

Went to chompchomp to find Xiujuan and Cuiyun since Mich misses them so. And almost every stall owner gave Audrey a flower as we repeated the happy birthday song about a million times.

Walked to the pet shop which was beside ice cube. Jo had to get something for her dogs. Standing outside ice cube was torture as Aud again didn't see her face plastered on the glass door. So we had to ask her what was that. HAHA.

Inside, we went to the cozy corner which was already pre-decorated, played games, ate dessert. CAM WHORED LIKE MAD.

Charades was damn funny. ESPECIALLY Aud whose word NOBODY could guess.

Sundae. And she kept drawing gridlines and pointing to the light. Eventually we guessed it, then after her turn I asked what were the gridlines. And she said, " CALENDAR!"

I tell you we laughed until we almost fainted. Haha.

This group of guys who were at chomps and helped sing happy birthday followed us to ice cube and requested us to go out to their table where they again sang happy birthday.

Afterward, one of them came to out corner, gave us his name handphone and email for us to send him the picture we took. Haha.

Possibly one of the happiest days of my life. I didn't like how I looked in the pictures taken though. =(

------------------------------------

Jonah's not coming tomorrow. I wonder if it's cos I didn't pray.

I'm a lil disappointed and paranoid at the same time. Afterall, it's my first attempt to bring back someone the 2nd week. Is it me, my friends, or really simply cos he's gotta rest?

I choose to believe he's gotta rest. =)

-------------------------------

Doing GP essay now. I'm doing last minute work for tomorrow's tuition. I am sad. Anyone wants to help me, give me points. Boo I wanna cry.

I'm quite screwed. LIT IS KILLING ME NO SHIZ.

The days pass fast.

Today was exceptionally quick.

Consultation with Madam Ang, for about 2 hours plus, then spent the rest of the day studying math with Jem.

I'm happy today, accomplished quite a bit of math. ;)

Aiy, still got a lot more to go.

I'm not studying much today. As in. Now. It's 3.15am and I'm going to bed.

Haha I'm sleeping early.

Date with Madam Ang later at 1030am.

And econs case study part c and d to write by 7 when Lisar comes.

And GP essay plus outlines to do before Zhuang-hui comes on saturday morning.

OH SHIZ I just realised I have Lisar on saturday morning too. HAHA ok then I'll just pull Lisar earlier and push Zhuang-hui back a lil. And then I would have at least 4 hours study before TM. Brilliant, I'm not slacking. Haha.

I want to watch HSM3.

Did I tell you I had a nightmare?

My dream was like a "relive" of a past incident. Except that this time, people were there, and this time, it was nos bordos.

I'm scared.

Slept in Bryan's bed while he was at school.

I tell you, there is just something about his bed that makes it 30% more comfortable than mine. I'm guessing it's the sheets and kelvin's pillow (damn soft).

Heheh, I'm remind of the times I fell asleep in his bed and he had to sleep in the living room. =)

The purpose of my telling you all these random stuff is just to say BRYAN'S BED DAMN SHIOK. If you ever have the chance to come over, HEAD TO HIS BED. Haha.

----------------------------------

I thought of Eliel when I saw this.



HEH.

I try to eat this all the time, and he doesn't.

I thank thee John Daryl Kingsly for helping me through the night, with the somewhat wack conversations we had. Ok, there were serious matters that we discussed too.. So it wasn't a waste of time at all. =)

I now know, and can tell, VERY accurately how much I like a guy. Heh.

But my "like" scale works only if the guy asks me out. Then I can tell you how much I like him. HAHA.

Happy figuring it out.

By the way, all these were part of the conversations, but not the "serious matters". HAHA.

Slept at 6am after studying a few more chapters of A and C. I am now at Act 3 Scene 11. But I have to go through them again. It's getting harder to understand.

Wanted to go over to Beeth's house to surprise her with Jo and Xiu and Cui at 7am but in the end I couldn't.

Woke up at 11am, and went to the airport to study somemore.

Left the place at 7 to Beeth's house.

Food, Mamma Mia, a bit more studying and then I came home. Will stay up again tonight, not too long though, got a date with Mdm Ang tomorrow haha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BEETH.


I made the picture brighter haha!


-------------------------------

Singapore is the world's 5th most competitive country after US, Switzerland, Denmark and Sweden.

Germany is 7th.
Japan is 9th.
Hong Kong is 11th.
UK is 12th.
Malaysia is 21th.
China is 30th.

Interesting.

It's 3:38am.

Cheryl is officially out of Japanese scallop sweets.

DIE. HELP. EMERGENCY. SERIOUS. GONE CASE.

ANYONE GOING TO JAPAN SOON?

CHERYL NEEDS EMERGENCY SUPPLIES.

Oh no. I just finished the last one. Shiz. I just finished the last one.

Hari Raya at Nauv's.

My first Hari Raya. COOL. =)

From left to right:

East High "cheerleader", Kelsi the composer pianist person, Coach Bolton, Troy, Ryan Evans, Gabriella, Nauveed as himself. Haha.


No prizes for the theme today: HSM. Any character, whichever movie, whatever gender. Heheh.

Good day today. =)

Jonah came for TM today for the Jonah series HAHA, we had dinner, with just Jeanne Daryl Wyn Josh.

And then home.

But.

Random thoughts:

I miss my pink feather boa.



I watched some Animal Planet show quite a long while ago that showed tigers mating.
I watched Animal Planet just now and was reminded of it.

I think sex is really disgusting.

Hopefully by the time I'm married my opinion changes, otherwise, to my future husband: I'm sorry, too bad. HAHA. I'm not doing it. I'll kiss you but that's about it. So you better have much MUCH self control. Heh. I'm so evil.

And I'm gonna adopt. No childbearing sorry. Unless someone invents a machine to transfer a percentage of the pain.

HAHA I just made myself laugh from typing all these. HAHA.

These are really random, immature thoughts haha.

This is what reading too much Antony and Cleopatra does to you. Seriously, the whole play is about sex what. You can't blame, man. Haha.

Jonah's coming tomorrow! =D I'm happy, cos that means prayer works. Believe it or not, I'm not the only one who prayed.

And I'm glad I went for prayer today, although there were only less than 10 people.

Prata-ed after prayer. LONG TIME NO PRATA, it tasted good. Haha.

I had 5 hour consultation with Mdm Ang for math today. Brain dead. But feels good. Haha! My one hour consultation at 1030am just went on and on.. Past her lunch break, into some other H2 people's consultation slot, Roy's consultation slot, until 330pm, when Mdm Ang had consultation with Germies. =)

Then I went to LHK and did Act 2 Scene 6. Shioksie, Bryan brought the remaining tub of Haagen Daz for me.

It's only a few hours after my last post. But God answered everything I had asked for.

I watched A Walk To Remember. And I heard Jamie, when in the hospital, say," Maybe God has bigger plans for me than I have for myself."

And normally people don't cry then, cos that's not the sad part of the movie. But I did. Cos I heard God speak.

In the movie, it was constantly stressed that love, and faith, was like the wind. You feel it, although you can't see it. Like God, I can't see Him, but I know He's real, cos I feel Him, I believe in Him like how I believe in wind.

I didn't happen to surf youtube for no reason, and watch this movie in the middle of the night for no reason.

So God, I want to do my best, please enable, help me.

And thanks Kanon, for letting me know I'm not alone. =)

What I want is not something that comes with a price.

I want something unconditional.

I don't need anything expensive or cost $500.

I just want a small something, that I don't have to work for, or suffer for, or prove myself worthy of.

That'll make me happy.

An example of unconditional:

" Ok, I'll let you do ____________."

Not.

" Ok, I'll let you do ____________, provided you score 4As for A Levels or prove to me you're worthy of ____________."

No. No provided. No prove to me. No show me you can. None of that.

And 4As? HAH. Joke of the century. I'll get 4As the very day As are worthless. God can't possibly give me 4As for the tiny shizload of work I've done. Although I very much would like Him to. That'll be a huge miracle.

I think I'm taking for granted the fact that I scored better than expected for PSLE and O Levels and I'm "expecting" the same for A Levels. It just hasn't sunk in that it's not that easy to do the same.

Ok, I know what I want.

I want to hear God's voice. CLEAR. Doesn't matter if it's gentle like the rustle of leaves or like the thunderstorm, although I'll be very much more afraid if it's the latter. But I want to know He's the God of the impossible, I want Him to tell me to press on and not give up, to do my best, whatever time left I have. I want Him to show me something small but incredible, that'll make me understand and know that He's always there, even when I can't see. Something like the time I walked through the downpour and not get a single drop of rain on me. But bigger.

-------------------------------

I asked Jonah down for the Jonah series starting this weekend.

But he's still thinking about it. I'm sad it's taking him so long to decide.

And that my wanting us to be back where we were before rapture is so difficult to make happen.

I don't understand how I can not be stressed not studying one whole day when A Levels are less than 20 days away. I just got no motivation even though I know I'm pretty much doomed for A Levels since I haven't started geog and gp, I'll probably not get into any university and would definitely find it DAMN hard to get a job if I ever make it to university.

Tuition not counted. The half hour before tuition also not counted.

I'm staying out the whole day tomorrow, and forever, until A Levels are over.

Maybe then I can pass A Levels.

SHIZ.

And my parents are watching Russian Ballet tomorrow at the Esplanade. I saw their tickets, pretty good seats somemore. I'M TERRIBLY CONFUSED. Huh. I can't paint my parents and ballet together in the same picture. Just can't visualise. Haha.

Slept at 5. AM.

Thought I won't be able to study much in the day. Thought I would fall asleep or something reading my A and C. BUT NO. I stayed awake. The wonders of prayer.

And maybe java chip Venti. Heh.

But I've got 2 mock papers tomorrow, gotta wake up at 730am. How to sleep early? I'll probably just toss and turn in bed until 4plus in the morning. =(

I was thinking about this small "situation" while studying at Central with Nana and the guys, and then I remembered that today's dinner was going to be spaghetti vongola vino bianco. HEH. Yeah.

Oh.

And daddy never has his italian food with plain water. ;)

If you didn't know what I was talking about yesterday, I was talking about cramps. Haha. You guys would never understand. I sigh.

But nope, I slept through the night with no interuptions. No cramps.

Today. Now, I'm getting mild cramps. Which means later, I'll be in deep shiz.

Panadol awaits me.

Only a few more days to A levels and I'm no where near even completing revisions.

I can't get discouraged, I just have to study hard, try to finish revision, and leave college applications and my future into God's hands.

Oh wait, it is already in God's hands, up to Him whether I make it to uni or not. I'd like to though.

CHERYL STUDY HARDER LAH.

Tsk.

I'm getting irritated with myself.

ok ok ok ok. i'm screwed. i'm dead. i know it's gonna happen tonight. maybe wee hours in the morning. and at such a time, besides God, no one else can help me. oh help me! =(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOASH!

I enjoyed God's presence in church today. What more can I say? It's indescribable.

And then I studied at Kovan with the guys until daddy picked me up. =) Read quite a few pages of A and C. Happy. Not good enough though.

I'm surprised and puzzled why my feet didn't hurt today, wearing my black pumps. But I'm not complaining! =)

It's 1130pm. Time to study!

Aw my little brother's 17, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! =)

His CG surprised him. Hid in his room with balloons and a silver banner (ok that's mine. ok not mine, the J2's. haha.) and when he opened his door, he got a SHOCK. FUNNY! Bryan "AHHHH"ed and dropped his bag. Haha!

I say his friends are damn nice. Abandoning him, rushing to my house via the other entrance and all. Haha! Told bryan to buy digestive biscuits at the market to stall for some time. So now I've got an extra pack of biscuits. HAHA.

Parents bought a ton of supper for everyone. And we ate straight from the ice cream cake with forks. SHIOK.








I'm tired, and I haven't studied in the past 24 hours. GUILTY.

Pastor Dave is the MAN man. Haha.

No substantiation.

Adam's Road made my lower lip burn. I ate a piece of Roti John with chilli sauce. JOHN ALL YOUR FAULT.

I'm kidding. Haha. Omg. Roti John. John. Roti John. John. JOHN! HAHA. Ok.

Island Cremery. Nothing new.

I forgot to bring my ipod. The journey home was tough therefore.

Two things made me almost want to cry. Thankfully my reactions are retarded, by the time I really wanted to cry, all I felt was this big sad feeling.

1. The dog. Scared the S*** out of me.

2. John Tan you, bluff me. Rargh.

I'm losing this sense of security I've always had when I'm around them. Something's not right.

Ok now this is making me cry. Haha.

Just woke up.

Drank a bit yesterday. I wanted to sleep early and I slept at 12 plus! I'm happy, was worried I couldn't sleep until 3. Yay I should do this more often.

KIDDING. I'm a good girl.

I got K later.

Cheryl's really worn out today.
Had 3 hours of sleep, woke up at 6am to go to school.
Slept through all the A Level talk and I stoned through the speeches.
The video presentation made by the teachers and the ones made by the individual classes were quite entertaining. I found myself laughing like mad. Haha.

Our class video wasn't played. But the school knew about it since after the end of the student's video presentation, Diana asked in a really REALLY audible-to-the-whole-CC voice, "Eh, what about zero seven eih oh nine?"The class didn't cheer out loud, though we were laughing. But I bet secretly in our class' hearts we were all very happy and proud she did that, made a stand and made it know we were not to be simply put aside. =) Diana Chan seriously ROCKS. =D

This year's grad day wasn't one filled with tears, it wasn't one of sorrow. Instead, everyone was really happy and the whole J2 cohort celebrated with buffet in the hall and A LOT of camming.

Happy day, unfortunately my eyebags were the same size as my eyes, which made smiling and opening my eyes hard to do at the same time. I look shagged in every of the pictures.

Nevertheless I still tried to take as many good pictures as possible.

I'm happy cos of one particular reason. Something happened in school today.

I'm also happy cos Miss K commented that I "really do have a career in acting" after watching Zhuann's art coursework and HepatitisA9. YAY. =) Coming from a very erm critical teacher... =D Exciting.

A9 got $170 for scoring dang well for the Napfa Challenge this year.

We to it to Cathay for Burn After Reading and Aston's. Well half the class did. Heh. Burn After Reading was WOW HUH. Haha.

It was the first time in the history of A9's book of travelling to another place (HAHA) that we didn't stop moving halfway. Frickin' serious. We were on a mission man. We didn't dilly dally, stop to smell the roses, ah look omg its so cute. None. Thank God for 142, made our journey shorter. Quicker.

Met Aud at the MRT station, she found out through me, something that shook her inside out. She came back with me to find evidence on the internet and eventually I think she was slightly crushed.

Aww I had no idea how to help her, since I couldn't feel her pain.

Life.

Went to town for dinner, I'm happy cos the foie gras sauce never changes. It always tastes the same. =) How many years already my family patronises the restaurant (we don't go there very often please. Only my daddy goes to the bar EVERY FRIDAY) and every time I go, I'll order foie gras for appetizer and it ALWAYS TASTE THE SAME. Served with different stuff every time (ok the last time I went it was the same), but the foie gras ALWAYS TASTE THE SAME. Love it. Serious. LOVE the familiarity. I can know what to expect everytime I go.

I don't like how our class video is not going to be played tomorrow at the graduation assembly because the committee thinks it doesn't fit the tone. Things like that make me feel rebellious.

You know how in American schools the kids pull stunts on graduation day? I feel like doing something, but I don't know what and I don't know how.

Our class video will be up on youtube nevertheless. We'll get more hits than the number of people at the grad ceremony. HAH.

Ok I think big. But thinking big is gooooood. =)

OMT I know how they feel about each other.

My two friends.

My lips are sealed though. I can't say.

------------------------

What must I do to make my mum go back to normal.

You know this cold shoulder (sortof la) thing she does, I hate it.

Simply because I don't want to grow up and become, behave like that next time.

I don't like it, I'm sure my children won't, I don't want to treat my children like that. But parents are influences and I learn from my parent's actions.

Someone tell my mum.

------------------------

It's 12:56am. I just tried to do a double pirouette.

I did it.

But my specs fell off too.

TIME TO STUDY.

I just printed my calendar for Oct Nov Dec.

25 more days to A LEVELS. I'm still not started. Cheryl is seriously SCREWED.

I'm also wondering.

What happened 10 months before October? Why are there so many birthday babies?

Haha. Every week in Oct, the average number of birthdays is 2.4.

1.6 for Nov and 2.0 for Dec.

So why? CNY? Christmas? New year?

People are happier? HAHA.

You're not respecting me dude. How am I supposed to look up to you. Haha.

Lit consultation and econs consultation today. 2 hours straight in the same seat,I didn't even sleep. And I didn't eat. Ok I took 2 sweets. But thats a dang big improvement! =)

Taken damn long ago in the library with Sybs and Cons. We were supposed to be studying. But Sybs had her awesome cam phone so... HAHA.



-------------------------

Side note: I'm on youtube. Produced by zhuann.

HAHA. It's damn funny, I keep laughing at myself and my laoyapok acting.

Everytime I look at a work that has me, I always see room for improvement. No difference for this one, I imagine how much better it would look like if I gave a thisthisthis kind of expression. And I wish I did what I imagined. But this is so much better than when I did my first film. That was really REALLY bad. This clip is only a minute or so though, so maybe it's not that good a gauge.

For your entertainment,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4rmDSH1CPo

Did I mention zhuann is a genius?

I am pissed at myself.

Because I thought mummy showed a sudden change in her character, suddenly to encourage me to work harder for A levels.

For a while I felt cheated. Damn it, cheated.

Mummy's still the same afterall.

And it's not her fault, it's mine. Haha. Shiz I suck. Mum's already 40-something, how can her character suddenly change?

There was once a boy born to an average family. This boy was loved and protected by his parents so much that they didn't let him get injured or even fall down. Even as the boy grew up, his parents watched over him and took care of him so that he would not be in danger.

This boy grew to be a man of 30. He was successful in his career and he was always invited to speak to audiences.

One day, this man was walking up stage when he tripped over his shoelaces and fell. And because it was the first time he fell, he cried.

I feel like that man in his thirties.

Over protected that when something very minor happens, because it never happened to me, I have no idea what to make of it, all I can do is cry.

I've not cried in so long, it feels so painful but so good at the same time. I felt like a little girl again. I felt like I had to cry to God and tell Him everything on my mind. I could only cry to God. I felt like I could only rely on God.

Its 4 am and I still can't sleep, I had to write something.

It's really stupid really, cos in the first place everything was a miscommunication.

My heart hurts really bad. Real real bad I literally can't breathe too deep.

I went to church not ready to worship, not knowing what to expect.

I felt sorry for so many things, I felt like crap for so many different reasons.

But God works in miraculous ways, He touched me today and made me feel like crying.

And God, you really are my best friend, I thank You.

---------------------------

Chawanmushi. But Yami with wheatgerm. Wheatgerm is seriously the bomb.

Coffee ice cream with chestnuts. Not water chestnuts but those cooked with coffeebeans. Awesome stuff together, credits to me please thanks. HAHA.

The guys came over. Studied a bit. They slept more than studied. Haha.

Then we ate out of the Yami tub. Spam wheatgerm. NICE.

-----------------------------

Thanks Jo for that call, LOVES.

How to describe what I felt today.

Tired: Had to drag myself up for some studying.

Disappointed: Sakae Sushi.

Cool: 21.

Uncool: Balloons. GIANT helium ones. TWO.

I tell you it's the first time the whole world looked at me. I wasn't invincible.
And I felt what it could be like as a superstar. But one difference as a star, people ask you for autographs and pictures. With the balloons, people shun. I had a metre radius in the MRT. Actually, that's pretty cool, no need to squeeze and all. =) But it felt SO EMBARRASSING the whole time, I was ready to be an ostrich. I pretended it was PERFECTLY normal to be seen with helium balloons twice my size. That made me feel better.

Happy, relieved: Stopped at Eunos and Jo picked me up in a cab.

At T3, we were laughing over ourselves. SUPERB balloon handling skills. NOT.

Beeth was laughing at us too, from a distance, as she saw us step out of the elevator, trying to untangle the balloons.

RJ was also at the food court with her parents.
Jo and I not surprisingly, went to get last minute birthday cakes from tcc.
Cake, pictures, presents, balloons. Typical stuff, but the company made everything more special, more worth remembering, (not that celebrating birthdays with other people are not worth remembering..)

PICTURES GALORE. Up on facebook, I'll put some up here though.

Sending RJ was not as painful as the first time she left. After that, we flew over to T1 for dinner.

The way back home was littered with more picture taking. DUH. Train ride back takes at least 15 minutes. Took cab from Paya Lebar.

Kelvin and Zidian's staying over, means that there is a greater percentage I'll be able to wake up for church. In any case they choose to let me sleep in, I got back up wake up call. HAHA. Never fails.

--------------------------------------------
I realise that it's cos I freeze, that's why I don't do anything.

My mind stops functioning and I would be at a loss.

The aftershocks were't as bad this time, I'm starting to be more immune to it.

Jo, if you don't understand, you know there is another alternative for you to read my mind.. All my thoughts are secret. Well, most.

Wow my mum just tried to chase James and Amiel out. Right in their faces. For a guy reason that I've slowly learnt to understand that my mum doesn't like.

Although I know why she does that, I think it's not right.

I'm in between the warfare. With my mum and her mahjong on my left near the windows, me at the coffee table and them in bryan's room.

Ok now they're staying.

Cool friday night. My life's like a movie.

Daddy loves me enough to drive me to the market and back and then walk to the mrt station. (He's going to where he always does on Friday nights, cannot drive)

And Mummy bought me this HUGE, black croc leather case of Estee Lauder make up, with everything from eyes to lashes to lips to cheek... And make up remover.. And another small black croc leather bag with all the brushes. She said it was to encourage me.

Wow.

I better study HARD.

It's 3am. I'm still studying. Am bored.

I am sick, not going to school.

Don't worry, this kind of germs don't spread.

Maybe I drank too much milk. HAHA.

Less than 3% of all the shots taken.

The theme?

Gossip girl prep.

I say we did well, everyone was well dressed. Looking at the pictures we took, I think we're good enough to do our own show. So the drama.. HAHA.

Enjoy.

Writing this post is going to take a while, I gotta shuffle back and forth from the computer.

Basically Jo met me at my place, we went to develop VERY EXPENSIVE pictures (wow I didn't know it cost so much). We looked for decorative stuff, went to her house and started on the 3 oct babies' presents. Worked from evening about 8 to 2 in the morning. By that time our creative juice boxes were DRY. But Cheryl Hoe saves the day! Due to her foresightedness she had already bought replenishing supplies!

But this was taken at 1 plus. We didn't have much time to eat, see!


Can't upload the rest till Saturday, otherwise I'll be spoiling surprises.

Anyway, yesterday all I did for Oct 1 was finish Josh's present, help do his card together with Eliel Elisha Daryl. At Josh's house, the J2's ate, slacked and I borrowed one of Candice's otfits. She brought 3 WHOLE SETS for me to choose! Oh my that's DAMN sweet! Jeanne also, brought 4 hair bands for me to try. LOVES YOUS! =D

Taxi-ed to Suntec, everyone was done eating, so I changed to Candice's outfit and we proceeded to Cam whore. Seriously. The words cam whore should not be taken lightly.

Altogether a whooping 245 pictures from my camera, there's still Deb's, Rachel's, Ian's, Chey's.... I'm only uploading half. The other half is a mere repeat. More slightly varying copies of what I'll upload. Haha! That's how we do it, one pose take 10 times.

Check out facebook, but please be reminded that I was POSING for all the pictures, all suggestive looking ones are not a reflection of my true self! HAHA. I was almost shocked at myself. The expressions I gave for some made me feel like I should run into a hard wall. Heh.

Cheryl Hoe not going school again cos of a very stupid reason.

OH I get it now.

Now don't make me start. I don't like the emo-elmo feeling.

I'll pretend I didn't know. I'll pretend I didn't even realised.
--------------------------------

I walked down Mt Cherry to pass Sybs her GC and on the way this construction worker sitting at the back of a lorry (which drove past duh) kept looking at me and smiling in the most peverted way you can imagine. WHAT the toots. I ignored. No actually I frowned and gave quite a disgusted look.

At the MRT station, I was walking up and down along the lines to guide the blind, yeah those lines that pop out, when I heard a very loud," F*** YOU LAH!" I turned and saw the lady at the BUZZ shop right in front of the control station screaming at this indian man who was already walking away from her shop. She kept going, " F*** YOU LAH YOU, F*** LAH..."

And then the man turned towards her and shouted," C***C***B**."

EVERYONE at the station were looking their way.

The lady lashed at him with another Fs before slamming the newspapers which were in front of her in anger before retreating back into her lil shop.

WOW. Drama early in the day.

But now I'm back in the comfort of my room, I gotta finish Josh's present, do his card, find gossip girl prep looking clothes and get ready to go.

First to Josh's house, celebrate Josh's birthday, then to town, change and meet my class, chill a bit, celebrate Becca's birthday, and then change back to what I wore to Josh's house, buy the 3 giant balloons from PS, go to Settler's wherever that is, and meet my dear sixinaclique with a few more other people RJ invited and celebrate the Oct babies birthday, Aud Beeth and RJ.

It's gonna be a long day.

Now. Prep clothes...

Just got back from Jo's. 3am.

Tired. Very very tired, from doing Beeth's, Aud's and RJ's presents.

I've got 3 gatherings to be at, Josh's, Becca's and Aud/Beeth/RJ's.

Awww shiz Cheryl has to manage time very VeRY WELL.

Huh I am not understanding all that is happening.

I thought I did, fully.

What the toots is going on.

Explain please someone close enough to know what I'm talking about.

This reminds me of Daniel and the king Nebuchenezzar or however you spell him long name. Haha.

I am afraid.

Fear suddenly overwhelms me.

I am frozen.

I am disgusted.

I am worried.

I don't know what to do or what to say.

Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts.

Ok what kind of happy thoughts?

I don't know. Just happy thoughts.

I want to fall sick suddenly but be well enough to study and understand everything I need.

Wyn and Daryl again. This time PS. Bought some stuff that I'll put together and wednesday.

This James Liew Jeremy Amiel and my bro. Evils. Told me they were watching a love story romantic show blah de blah. CRAP. It was some muscle man horror. Scared the toots out of me. I watched 2 minutes and ran into my room.

Awesome dinner. Simple home cooked meal. But my throat still hurts from the morning.

Today was a good day, with church, scallops, WL meeting and 3 meat dinner (HAHA) and F1 and a lot of random websites.

Heart pain heart pain a bit only. While looking at the websites.

But NOT cos of its contents dudes. HAHA.

I have a feeling it's gonna be back more regularly now. Until the end of the year I'm guessing.

Pressed 999 and had my finger on the call button the whole way.

I'll be happier I promise, for sure. All this will be over soon.

I feel nauseous.

Keep getting leg cramps nowadays. WHY?
I don't dare stretch in the morning now, in case no one is there to save me.


My ears still hurt.

Daddy should have given me his ear plugs.

He was provided free ones.

Ate one popiah for dinner with the guys minus one.

Shopped. Rested. Ate somemore. 4 slices of cake beside the track.

Watched. Or rather, heard, many cars pass. Damn loud. Not covering your ears is suicide.. The cars were rather hard to see. All I saw were shapes whisking past.

Oh oh oh and the lights, awesome. Made the track look like its in the day.

It's 1am now and I'm tired. Daryl just showed me this really awesome girl in dunnowhat country. Her singing ah. Wow. Not normal. Haha.

Some pervert is talking to me over MSN. He keeps talking about SA skirt, and I keep telling him he's going to jail. HAHA.

I said our skirt was DAMN long and it touched mid calf. HAHA.

Kept telling him I'll be waiting for him to go to jail and I kept correcting his language. He said "nice rebutt" and I said. " It's nice rebuttal. No such thing as a rebutt".

Haha and afterwhile he asked me how I could stand all his s*** and nonsense. HAHA.

You're asking me? I have NO IDEA.

I dreamt of my primary and secondary school friend, Josephine, now in Canada.

She came to SA and we talked about Cheryl Sim and Joanne.

I also dreamt of Josh Mok. But I don't remember what he did. I wrote it down though when I just woke up this morning.

Weird. I keep dreaming every day nowadays.

And today in school my class, with the exception of Diana, was kicked out of lit tutorial by the mighty and we sat in the cafe doing work. We ended up talking about our favourite vegs. HAHA.

I find it funny how the American kids hate broccoli but we love them. Most of us. That is.

Tomorrow, daddy's going to watch the F1 races. He got a free ticket for himself but forgot about his children. Darn I wouldn't mind watching it live. Apparently he's going to some Singapore Suite which serves free flow of tea, dinner, snacks and supper, till 12 midnight. Aww NEVERMIND. The dress code is smart casual. I have no smart casual clothes ANYWAY. HAH. And and and I'm not free, I already have things to do.

Sour grapes haha.

Nah. I didn't even know it was tomorrow. Haha!

My mummy wrote me an email and she mentioned Joanne, Sherwin and Elio.

HAHA. I can't stop laughing. ELIO. HAHA.

Looks like yall 3 made an impression on my mum. But not great enough for her to know how to spell your names right. Or for that matter, pronounce. Haha.

My parents are watching some horror show as I sit behind the divider, typing on my mummy's black vaio. It's damn light! Mine is so HEAVY. (I can't get my internet to work thats why. )

Daddy just said, " I no want to watch lahhh. I no want."

"This kind of show very scary, watch already one person cannot sleep one. I no like ah, no like."

My daddy is so cute.

Then my mum retorted," That's why I ask jie sleep in the room when I'm not around what..."

Yeah that's what I do.

And that's why my daddy is seldom home when mummy plays mahjong every friday night till 2am. He goes to Introbar till my mummy's back. He's there so much that he knows all the waitresses by name, vise versa. They all are like friends. Haha. So every time my family goes to Equinox to eat, the waitresses will be like, " Oh hello Mr Hoe, wah your daughter ah! Hello, finally met you! Wah your son ah! Oh so this is your wife! So pretty, so handsome!"

-------------------------------

Jo's been in Canada for a month now. A FULL MONTH. Wow. So fast, I'm shocked.

Well, only 4 years 11 months left! You better cherish your time there cos it's gonna flyyyyyyy......

NAWT. For me.

Now yes though, one more month. One more damn short month.

Rarghs.

And last but not least, a shoutout.

Happy Birthday my friend. =)

Miss.

I still want to go on the trip to Taiwan with my class.

I don't want to choose between class and TM.

If I leave it in God's hands, does that mean I'll definitely be able to go on both trips? As in, can I just have faith that God can make it happen? But is going for both trips part God's plans? I hope it is.

I know, no, and by doubting, I'm not exercising faith. I want to simply have faith. But I want to "guarantee". That's not how this "faith thing" works. Faith is just 100% trusting God, giving Him all control, as in like, committing it all to Him so that He can do something about it. You never know what's gonna happen, but I know God's plans are always better than mine.

That's what I think.


I haven't felt like ______ for reasons like that, with people like that, in a long time.

This feeling is familiar.

But I don't like it.

GP - up 2 grades
Math- up 2 grades
Geog- up 1 grade
Lit- down one grade
Econs- no idea yet

Geog was a disappointment. Didn't improve as much as I wanted to. Human geog pulled my overall down.

Lit? Haha joke.



I still wanna go on the taiwan trip.

--------------------------

2 a.m. and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can say - try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough, if we learn to trust

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'd give our dream just one more chance
Don't let this be our good-bye

I heard it and I thought of one person immediately.

Sometimes I wish I had no emotions and couldn't feel.

Yeah life would be boring, but at least I wouldn't be sad, or disappointed. I would feel no pain or worry.

Let me try to be emotionless for a while. I'll tell you how it worked out.

Call me an escapist. Or whatever you want.

I don't care, cos it won't change my non-existant feelings.

[I'm good eh? Not bad huh. Haha. Whatever.]

----------------------------------

Two minutes after I posted all that above,

Now I take it all back.

Something simple you say make my insides feel eaten.

Someone stop it. God?

I know You can. I want to.

So I said I wasn't going shopping.

But after BOSSES lunch at vivo, I saw my Jose Eber Signature Series and I got it immediately.

Didn't expect to get that good stuff. The ones I saw online were max 140bucks.

160bucks of damage to daddy's pocket he said. But I made up by buying only juice at the hypermart. The trolley was DAMN empty for the first time. There was only veg, seafood and seaweed in the trolley.

Daddy wanted to get crabmeat. But when he saw CHINA on the packaging he dropped it.

Apparently now you shouldn't get MIC

M&Ms,
Snickers,
Dove chocolates,
Mentos yoghurt bottle,
Oreo wafer sticks,
Monmilk,
Dutchlady sterilised milk,
Walls all natural mango,
Mini poppers,
Magnum,
Moo sandwich,
Mini cornetto and
Youcan ice cream.

I've never heard of youcan and monmilk.

Some of it is not MIC. It's MIS but they get the milk and ingredients from china so I guess..

-------------------------------

I'm not gonna b**** about anyone or anything, today.

I guess all the blame, all the fault, you can just dump on me.

I'll be damn nice and keep quiet about it all, so yeah, hurry, don't waste this opportunity. Haha.

I'm friggin' serious.