Huh I am not understanding all that is happening.

I thought I did, fully.

What the toots is going on.

Explain please someone close enough to know what I'm talking about.

This reminds me of Daniel and the king Nebuchenezzar or however you spell him long name. Haha.

I am afraid.

Fear suddenly overwhelms me.

I am frozen.

I am disgusted.

I am worried.

I don't know what to do or what to say.

Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts.

Ok what kind of happy thoughts?

I don't know. Just happy thoughts.

I want to fall sick suddenly but be well enough to study and understand everything I need.

Wyn and Daryl again. This time PS. Bought some stuff that I'll put together and wednesday.

This James Liew Jeremy Amiel and my bro. Evils. Told me they were watching a love story romantic show blah de blah. CRAP. It was some muscle man horror. Scared the toots out of me. I watched 2 minutes and ran into my room.

Awesome dinner. Simple home cooked meal. But my throat still hurts from the morning.

Today was a good day, with church, scallops, WL meeting and 3 meat dinner (HAHA) and F1 and a lot of random websites.

Heart pain heart pain a bit only. While looking at the websites.

But NOT cos of its contents dudes. HAHA.

I have a feeling it's gonna be back more regularly now. Until the end of the year I'm guessing.

Pressed 999 and had my finger on the call button the whole way.

I'll be happier I promise, for sure. All this will be over soon.

I feel nauseous.

Keep getting leg cramps nowadays. WHY?
I don't dare stretch in the morning now, in case no one is there to save me.


My ears still hurt.

Daddy should have given me his ear plugs.

He was provided free ones.

Ate one popiah for dinner with the guys minus one.

Shopped. Rested. Ate somemore. 4 slices of cake beside the track.

Watched. Or rather, heard, many cars pass. Damn loud. Not covering your ears is suicide.. The cars were rather hard to see. All I saw were shapes whisking past.

Oh oh oh and the lights, awesome. Made the track look like its in the day.

It's 1am now and I'm tired. Daryl just showed me this really awesome girl in dunnowhat country. Her singing ah. Wow. Not normal. Haha.

Some pervert is talking to me over MSN. He keeps talking about SA skirt, and I keep telling him he's going to jail. HAHA.

I said our skirt was DAMN long and it touched mid calf. HAHA.

Kept telling him I'll be waiting for him to go to jail and I kept correcting his language. He said "nice rebutt" and I said. " It's nice rebuttal. No such thing as a rebutt".

Haha and afterwhile he asked me how I could stand all his s*** and nonsense. HAHA.

You're asking me? I have NO IDEA.

I dreamt of my primary and secondary school friend, Josephine, now in Canada.

She came to SA and we talked about Cheryl Sim and Joanne.

I also dreamt of Josh Mok. But I don't remember what he did. I wrote it down though when I just woke up this morning.

Weird. I keep dreaming every day nowadays.

And today in school my class, with the exception of Diana, was kicked out of lit tutorial by the mighty and we sat in the cafe doing work. We ended up talking about our favourite vegs. HAHA.

I find it funny how the American kids hate broccoli but we love them. Most of us. That is.

Tomorrow, daddy's going to watch the F1 races. He got a free ticket for himself but forgot about his children. Darn I wouldn't mind watching it live. Apparently he's going to some Singapore Suite which serves free flow of tea, dinner, snacks and supper, till 12 midnight. Aww NEVERMIND. The dress code is smart casual. I have no smart casual clothes ANYWAY. HAH. And and and I'm not free, I already have things to do.

Sour grapes haha.

Nah. I didn't even know it was tomorrow. Haha!

My mummy wrote me an email and she mentioned Joanne, Sherwin and Elio.

HAHA. I can't stop laughing. ELIO. HAHA.

Looks like yall 3 made an impression on my mum. But not great enough for her to know how to spell your names right. Or for that matter, pronounce. Haha.

My parents are watching some horror show as I sit behind the divider, typing on my mummy's black vaio. It's damn light! Mine is so HEAVY. (I can't get my internet to work thats why. )

Daddy just said, " I no want to watch lahhh. I no want."

"This kind of show very scary, watch already one person cannot sleep one. I no like ah, no like."

My daddy is so cute.

Then my mum retorted," That's why I ask jie sleep in the room when I'm not around what..."

Yeah that's what I do.

And that's why my daddy is seldom home when mummy plays mahjong every friday night till 2am. He goes to Introbar till my mummy's back. He's there so much that he knows all the waitresses by name, vise versa. They all are like friends. Haha. So every time my family goes to Equinox to eat, the waitresses will be like, " Oh hello Mr Hoe, wah your daughter ah! Hello, finally met you! Wah your son ah! Oh so this is your wife! So pretty, so handsome!"

-------------------------------

Jo's been in Canada for a month now. A FULL MONTH. Wow. So fast, I'm shocked.

Well, only 4 years 11 months left! You better cherish your time there cos it's gonna flyyyyyyy......

NAWT. For me.

Now yes though, one more month. One more damn short month.

Rarghs.

And last but not least, a shoutout.

Happy Birthday my friend. =)

Miss.

I still want to go on the trip to Taiwan with my class.

I don't want to choose between class and TM.

If I leave it in God's hands, does that mean I'll definitely be able to go on both trips? As in, can I just have faith that God can make it happen? But is going for both trips part God's plans? I hope it is.

I know, no, and by doubting, I'm not exercising faith. I want to simply have faith. But I want to "guarantee". That's not how this "faith thing" works. Faith is just 100% trusting God, giving Him all control, as in like, committing it all to Him so that He can do something about it. You never know what's gonna happen, but I know God's plans are always better than mine.

That's what I think.


I haven't felt like ______ for reasons like that, with people like that, in a long time.

This feeling is familiar.

But I don't like it.

GP - up 2 grades
Math- up 2 grades
Geog- up 1 grade
Lit- down one grade
Econs- no idea yet

Geog was a disappointment. Didn't improve as much as I wanted to. Human geog pulled my overall down.

Lit? Haha joke.



I still wanna go on the taiwan trip.

--------------------------

2 a.m. and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can say - try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough, if we learn to trust

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'd give our dream just one more chance
Don't let this be our good-bye

I heard it and I thought of one person immediately.

Sometimes I wish I had no emotions and couldn't feel.

Yeah life would be boring, but at least I wouldn't be sad, or disappointed. I would feel no pain or worry.

Let me try to be emotionless for a while. I'll tell you how it worked out.

Call me an escapist. Or whatever you want.

I don't care, cos it won't change my non-existant feelings.

[I'm good eh? Not bad huh. Haha. Whatever.]

----------------------------------

Two minutes after I posted all that above,

Now I take it all back.

Something simple you say make my insides feel eaten.

Someone stop it. God?

I know You can. I want to.

So I said I wasn't going shopping.

But after BOSSES lunch at vivo, I saw my Jose Eber Signature Series and I got it immediately.

Didn't expect to get that good stuff. The ones I saw online were max 140bucks.

160bucks of damage to daddy's pocket he said. But I made up by buying only juice at the hypermart. The trolley was DAMN empty for the first time. There was only veg, seafood and seaweed in the trolley.

Daddy wanted to get crabmeat. But when he saw CHINA on the packaging he dropped it.

Apparently now you shouldn't get MIC

M&Ms,
Snickers,
Dove chocolates,
Mentos yoghurt bottle,
Oreo wafer sticks,
Monmilk,
Dutchlady sterilised milk,
Walls all natural mango,
Mini poppers,
Magnum,
Moo sandwich,
Mini cornetto and
Youcan ice cream.

I've never heard of youcan and monmilk.

Some of it is not MIC. It's MIS but they get the milk and ingredients from china so I guess..

-------------------------------

I'm not gonna b**** about anyone or anything, today.

I guess all the blame, all the fault, you can just dump on me.

I'll be damn nice and keep quiet about it all, so yeah, hurry, don't waste this opportunity. Haha.

I'm friggin' serious.

I just felt like crying throughout the whole of today.

Morning, lunch, in TM, sermon, CG time, announcements, after TM. Everything.

I met nicole for dinner and everything negative disappeared.

Finally met the boyfriend and classmate's brother Matt. John was there too.

Yami Yoghurt. Open space. Nicole and I watched kids ride on mechanical animals and we talked. Quite a bit. We should have more times like that.

Then I sat at City Hall and watched trains heading towards the airport pass me by. Only finally reached the airport at 11.

Studied in the corner at BK until mummy reached Singapore.

Back in my room at 2am, I feel exactly the same as the start of the day.

For the first time, Wyn, talking to you didn't make me feel better.

Try harder. You're one of the few people who can.

Today later, I won't be going to church. I won't go shopping with the guys.

Both sentences sound weird. Since when I "won't"? Cheryl never "won't"(ed).

When I'm not strong, can you all keep me company? Don't leave me on my own.

Last PE of my lifetime. Played captains ball.

And then we cam whored like MAD. =) My favourite part of school haha.

Got back GP grades. Improved, jumped a grade or two, but I had higher hopes. Not bad though.

--------------------------

NUS dance, the next wave 2008.

Only 7 dances, but all very entertaining. It started off very emo emo slash wrist wanna kill myself.. Almost disappointing. The first MC was so dull as well. But then it started to get better. The second MC was better too.

I remember:

The last dance, the fun fun pink girls blue guys and PAP lookalike in all white attire zaini.

Zaki's dance with the Isaiah borders, the familiar moves.

Dan's dance with the onstage quick change, the candles.

The all decked in black simple yet elegant ballet ballet contempt piece.

The arty farty act act cry cry dance, dance downstage and all inspired by a trip to europe.

The simple breakup story by the president of the emsemble.

The only one left is the opening item. Which I don't remember.

Athena came over right after lit to wash up and all before we headed to UCC.

Then Amanda gave me a ride home. Fun fun. YAYES. =)

---------------

Apparently esplanade offered dates for SA Dance to perform there in july next year, but our principal said no, it was too late into the year. WTH. Since when esplanade INVITED schools to perform. And to say no to that? Wahrao.

The principal wants it to be at the mediacorp studio. HAHA I bet she hasnt been there before thats why she wants it to be there.

--------------------------

Tired. Mummy's coming back tomorrow. =)

It's times like that that I want someone for me.

I had David Cook on replay for about 3 hours straight.

Listened to how his girl would never escape him and how they're forever part of each other indefinitely.

The mouth guard thing sounded very exciting.

Collecting it was cool.

But wearing it feels weird.

After I take it off, my mouth feels tight. But out of shape.

And then I can't close it properly (which is what it is supposed to do, ONLY WHEN YOU WEAR IT THOUGH)

So now I don't chew my food, I swallow.

Sucks. Means I don't taste it much. SUCKS BIG TIME.

So I'm eating less now, since I want to TASTE food I eat. I don't wanna eat for nothing, when I don't taste anything.

Causes of teeth grinding:

1) Stress

2) Anxiety

3) Poor bite alignment

4) Dislocated jaw

5) Central Nervous System disorder

Go figure.

----------------------------

I just read a blog.

Someone I know. Obviously.

But he doesn't know I read his blog. BIG HINT.

I read all the way back to his posts in June.

All I got was a more negative feeling that what I originally felt.

I do whatever it takes, but some people naturally get it.

And when I put in the effort, other people get noticed instead.

Me? I'm invincible.

I just appear everytime people need something from me.

I have to psycho myself that it is fine.

I'm fine with it.

I'm cool with everything.

Yeah I am.

I don't get jealous, I don't feel sad, I don't feel like an idiot.

I wanna go on the trip to taiwan with my class.

More or less settled after only 3 days of discussion.

What can I say other than my class is very VERY efficient, organised and sporting.

I hope my parents let me go.

I know it's not gonna clash with

1) Australia trip right after prom.
2)TM camp right after we get back from australia.
3)J2 year end trip after camp before christmas. (BETTER NOT)
4) All the plans for next year..

Taiwan trip's gonna be from 26th Dec to the 31th. (See how organised we are, we've checked flight details, flight numbers, dates..)

We've got our flight there and back, hotel near the subway, transport to places we wanna go in taipei, parent/guardian in case of emergency on the trip with us, everything. We've even planned everyday's itinerary! How awesome is that. Haha.

All we gotta do is BOOK IT ALL.

---------------------------------

I'm studying harder. Getting back to me O level days.

-------------------------------

Leave the Past Behind

By Kenneth Copeland



"But this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before."

Philippians 3:13





Failures and disappointments. Aches and pains from the past that just won't seem to go away. Most of us know what it's like to suffer from them but too few of us know just what to do about them. So we limp along, hoping somehow they'll magically stop hurting.



But it never happens that way. In fact, the passing of time often leaves us in worse condition--not better. Because, instead of putting those painful failures behind us, we often dwell on them until they become more real to us than the promises of God. We focus on them until we become bogged down in depression, frozen in our tracks by the fear that if we go on, we'll only fail again.



I used to get caught in that trap a lot. Then one day when I was right in the middle of a bout with depression, the Lord spoke up inside me and said:



"Kenneth, your problem is you're forming your thoughts off the past instead of the future. Don't do that! Unbelief looks at the past and says, "See, it can't be done." But faith looks at the future and says, "It can be done, and according to the promises of God, it is done!" Then putting past failures behind it forever, faith steps out and acts like the victory's already been won.



If depression has driven you into a spiritual nosedive, break out of it by getting your eyes off the past and onto your future--a future that's been guaranteed by Christ Jesus through the great and precious promises in His Word.



Forget about those failures in the past! That's what God has done (Heb. 8:12). And if He doesn't remember them any more, why should you?



The Bible says God's mercies are new every morning. So if you'll take God at His Word, you can wake up every morning to a brand-new world. You can live life totally unhindered by the past.



So, do it! Replace thoughts of yesterday's mistakes with scriptural promises about your future. As you do that, hope will start taking the place of depression. The spiritual aches and pains that crippled you for so long will quickly disappear. Instead of looking behind you and saying, "I can't," look ahead and say, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"

No no, I'm not gonna be distracted.

Not by anything, not by anyone.

A levels. More important.

Everything else*. Can wait.

---------------------------------

Econs tutorials are really boring, I cannot help but fall asleep. Even lit keeps me awake.

I got back half my econs and my math prelims. Improvement by a lot. For both. But nowhere near university. I must improve more. Much.

But I thank God for the blessing and encouragement. =)

----------------------------------

Got my mouth guard. Dr Chin kept telling me, "You must wear it ok?"

He's what I imagine my grandpa to be.

I wonder what it would be like to have a grandpa.

Be Separate

By Kenneth Copeland



"Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you."

2 Corinthians 6:17


We're surrounded by a world which is ruled for the most part by Satan. How can we avoid getting caught up in it? How can we stand apart?

You'll find the answer in John 17:17. There Jesus was speaking to the Father about all those who would believe on Him. "Sanctify them through thy truth," He said. "Thy word is truth." Sanctify means "to separate unto." So Jesus was saying, "Separate them by the Word." The Word separates!

When you initially believed the Word of God, you were born again. You were separated spiritually from the kingdom of darkness and separated to the kingdom of Light. Now that's where a lot of people stop. They let the Word of God do its initial separating work and then go right on living like everybody else. Spiritually, they're still separated from death. But physically and mentally, they're up to their necks in it. They're poor. They're sick. They're worried. They're confused. They're upset. In other words, they're just like everyone else in the world.

But if you'll give the Word of God first place in your life, it will continue to separate you from the poverty and the anxiety and the sickness and the hatred and the darkness of your old habitat.

There's something else that the Word of God will do for you too. It will not only separate you from the things of this world, it will separate you to the things of God.

You can't simply separate yourself from any old destructive habit without separating yourself to something else. You can't turn away from the things of the world unless you turn to something stronger. I'm telling you, you can scream and squall and kick the altar bench and everything else trying to get rid of the sin in your life. You can cry, "Dear God, take this sin away from me." But all the begging in the world won't separate you from your sin. It's the Word that does it!

Make a decision to give the Word first place in your life. Make it a quality decision, a decision from which there is no retreat. Lock into the Word and let the Word do its work. Let it separate you from the things of the world and to the things of God.

I dreamt of the J2s in TM and James and Jon.

But it was a nightmare.

Something I'm very afraid of because it is something I know is extremely real.

Something I know is already happening, though very subtly.

----------------------------

I could have smiled at the poor, homeless man as I walked past him today.

But I didn't.

I wondered why he looked at me with such eyes.

Then I remembered the day I ignored him when he smiled at me.

What cold heart.

We need to be aware that although common ties bring people together, those very same ties can isolate others. We follow One whose message attracts people of all races, colours and cultures. A gospel which draws only people who are similar blurs the good news which bonds Jew and Gentile, male and female, and black and white. - Selwyn Hughes

------------------------------

Daddy can cook.

It was good food, but it would have tasted better with 4 people instead of 3.

I cannot imagine the days when there would only be 3 people sitting at the table.

Well I guess my parents would have to live forever then.

----------------------------

I didn't sleep at all last night. But I didn't sleep in school today.
Something might be wrong with my brain.

Sashimi, honeymelon japanese ice cream dinner.

What happened to mooncakes?

-----------------------------

Mummy found the scallops! =) JACKPOT.

A week before she comes back.

I can tell daddy's missing her already. Haha.

My cute cute poor little daddy.

-----------------------------

What happened to me?

I spent the whole day in my house, on the floor, writing A level stuff on mahjong paper, alone. Yeah.

Boring.

Even my brother is having more fun than me, and his promos are closer than my A levels. Rargh.

---------------------------

You know, I can tell that there are at least 2 guys keeping their distance from me.
What, why? Am I that dangerous?

----------------------------

Oh did I say I love my dress? =)

My first LBD.

Ok, not exactly. More like LDBD.

B was out of stock.

------------------------------

I'm helping a person love someone else.

Only that...

Ah well only nothing.

It's late. And daddy's not home. I'm a lil worried. I know he's been drinking. I'm not worried since he holds his liquor well. I'm worried cos his phone is switched off.

Or maybe, no battery.

Ok I'll give him 15 more minutes.

Random:

One big fat reason why I think wine (and hard liquor) is better than beer anyday:

Beer is fizzy.

Anyone who knows me well enough knows I don't take the slightest bit of soft drinks.

Of course in desperate situations I do. But I only remember one time like that. Heh. Secret.

-----------------------------

And daddy just called back that naughty daddy's still at Introbar. Tsk.

I said over the phone, "No, you don't be back soon, you come back NOW."

Woah, I'm impressed with myself. I'm boss now mummy's in Japan. Heh.

-----------------------------

I've go so much more to say. But not here. Cos I don't wanna see my life change if this becomes bigger. You know that other place.

God gave me a miracle today.

He said it'll be fine. But I doubted.

And then I was sorry I didn't believe.



Frolick, sugar cane and ice cream dinner was GOOD.
I think I wanna go back to my past dining habits. =)



I'm starting to feel exam stress. Which is good. Which I have been lacking the WHOLE YEAR. I need more now. Only 50 plus more days to A levels. Please, don't shy from me though. Playing keeps me going. No play, I'll die. Haha.

I enjoy being mean to strangers online. =) I am so if there is no choice, if the guy keeps nudging when I'm homeworking. Then I take it as a source of entertainment. Heh. Cheryl's usually very VERY nice ok.

Here's an example-

Stranger: Can I have your number?

C: Why.

Stranger: I want to talk to you over phone.

C: I don't.

C: I hate talking over phones.

S: Then you want to meet up?

C: No I don't meet with strangers.

S: I'm not a stranger.

S: Been talking to you for a while already.

C: Yes you are. So. Doesn't make a diff.

C: There are other strangers talking to me over msn for years but I tell them they are still strangers. What more you?

S: Oh so what makes you think I'm like all the rest?

C: You're worse.

S: Why?

C: Number 1 sign- you don't have a real picture of yourself.

S: Oh it's as if you have one of yourself. Yours just shows a quarter of your face.

C: Better than a fake picture of a motorcycle ANYDAY. Haha. Fun talking to you. Bye.

Not bad eh Cheryl. Haha. I hope he talks to me soon again. Fun fun fun. It's stress relieving somemore! HAHA!

Ok I'm a bad example, don't learn. =)

--------------------------------

I think we really support each other, not just "oh family family, we love each other, care for each other" during the weekends only.

I think we're more than that. WAY MORE.

Of course, we can be better.

-------------------------------

Trinity. LHK. Slack. Finished tin of biscuits. Prayed. Prayed. Dinner at hawker centre. Bryan Lim. Island cremery. 2 tubs 5 people. Shiok.

------------------------------

My right eye kept twitching today. Good or bad?

------------------------------

Mummy just flew to Japan.

I've lost so much in life this year, all that before the 3oth july.
All that time can't be replaced or replayed.
But now I've more time. Somewhat.

I'm not blaming dance though, cos I enjoyed every minute of it.
Ok not EVERY minute. I hate how it can be so stressful when zaki says, "I give you ONE minute." to get the steps.

You make me feel like I'm losing even more.
You make me feel like I shouldn't have chosen dance in the first place.
But I don't want to feel that way.

I'm sorry for all that. But you gotta know I mean what I say.
Even when I don't say anything. It's in me.
You're the first person I've cried more than a week before you were set to leave.
That's how much you matter to me.

It's only 8pm.

But I'm so tired I'm gonna sleep soon.

No more papers. Means I have tomorrow and friday to play! =) I'll wake up late, watch tv, read books and eat. And if I feel like, maybe get back my one-sided split. HAHA.

The class went out after our last paper today, we caught a show but I wasn't there.

Went to do my mouth mould instead.

When the mould was being taken out of my mouth, I thought it would pull out my molars. TOO stuck. Ouh.

Grandma lost her companion. And she's sad.

But she'll get to see him when she goes home too.

And he'll be standing right next to Jesus, with his arms wide open I'm sure.

I have big black eye bags today.

But it was a good hair day. ;)

Oh I love how cute Bryan looks. POTENTIAL SUPAHH-MODAHHLL. Heh.

The papers today killed my brains. And then I brought it back to life eating out of the tub.

Two tubs down, 2 more to go.

I'll be fat when A levels come.

But that's why I have UZAP and the Oto version of Uzap, both under my bed.

Heh.

It's one day before my H2 Lit paper and my H2 Human Geog paper but instead of doing the right thing, I'm promoting SA DANCE and RAPTURE 2008 to my daddy's friends.

Well done Cheryl. Haha.

Oh well, they had fun trying to spot me. Heh.

And then they reminded me how when I was about 2, they would ask me to sing during dinner and I would bravely jump up and sing, "3 little monkeys jumping on the bed..." Ok. Haha.

I better study harder.

I keep saying that.

I wonder why I can't be as stressed as sec 4.

Save me from myself.

Yet another comes.

So..

I'm happier cos it's going back to normal.

---------------------------

I feel mean for being such a toots the past week or so.

But won't anymore. I promise.

Apparently I have to get some mouth guard which is about $450. Otherwise my teeth will slowly disappear! HAHA!

Maybe this is the answer to my sleeping in school problem. No kidding! Was just talking to Audrey about it a few days ago. I have NO IDEA how news travel so far. I don't recall telling anyone about it. But of course my classmates know since they're my classmates! Haha.

Today Fensie jie treated James Wynnie Sethie Eliel Gracie Hannah Chrysan Tiffany Daryl John and I to half a dinner. Or rather, she paid out of her own pocket, the extra money for the 2 tables worth of food. And then she paid for the durians and the cake later, that's after Tiffany Gracie Hannah and Chrysan left already. But still. It's A LOT of money. I'm amazed at Fensie jie's generosity.

We were stuck at the durian place cos it started to rain. But no we were not bored we had UNO STACKO. Haha!

I laugh at the memory of my walking over to Sethie and telling him, "You're gonna die!" and then the stack fell immediately. Heh.

I feel sad now, and sorry to the person who asked me to study with him but prefers me not to mention his name. I said ok and he was already gonna pick me up from the durian place until last minute pangseh when I found out I had guest coming. Oh dear.

------------------------------------

I thank God for people like Wynnie who told me NO in the first place cos now I see. I'm getting a more holistic view.

It affected my worship a lil but it's not gonna anymore. =)

Get my drift?.. DRIFT DRIFT. FASTANDFURIOUSSSSS. DRIFT. (Use a fake 'high and light' voice for better effect.)

Ok nevermind. Heh.

OH MAMA. I've been looking EVERYWHERE for this. EXACTLY this. The Body Shop Blush. In the lighter shade. Someone get it for me!

Unfortunately, I think it'll be hard to find it. It's past season. Way WAY past season. =(

Oh shit my heart. Damn painful shit.

I'm like the sponge that soaks up all my parent's unhappiness.

I'm fine with it unless their wrath is towards me.

----------------------------------

So maybe sometimes she makes me jealous. So maybe she's got it all. Haha. But I'm me, people love me for who I am. I've my own life that I think is to a large extent, good.

----------------------------------

So I said it's all me, but you don't have to be so cold towards me you know.

You know who you are.

I'm not angry, I'm just saying, I really want things to go back to before it all happened.

Isn't it better than now, with all the hostility.

----------------------------------

I don't like to not like people. Even if ALL my friends don't like him or her.

Unless that person is really an ass towards me.

----------------------------------

Good is a very vague word.

There is one person I miss more than the rest.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELVIN my big brother and IAN daddy. =)

I spent the whole day in my room, watching youtube, not studying while Bryan and the rest of his team had a meeting outside.

Ate too much.

---------------------------

I was looking at the pictures taken during Over The Top camp on the TM website.

And although I saw a lot funny and unglam pictures of people, of people having fun, doing crazy things and all, I was reminded of the feeling I had during camp, and I didn't like it at all. It was painful.

I remember one night while I was having worship practice for the next morning, when I saw the then J1s at a corner nearby, taking pictures, laughing, fooling around. I pretended I didn't see them cos I didn't want to miss out on the fun.

I remember being relieved before camp started, when I was told camp comm and the then J1s would share the same bunk. But I also remember being lost, and shocked when they moved out on the first night. There were other then J2s girls beside me, but I still felt like I was alone. Needless to say, I didn't that feeling either.

But now, it's just memories.

Memories I don't want anymore. I wish, forgotten.