Signs that you're going to have a blue, blue Christmas..

1. Your letter to Santa comes back with a handwritten note: "Wait long-long!"

2. Your present is ticking.

3. You're not on Santa's "Naughty" or "Nice" lists - you're on his "Si Gin Nah" list.

4. You wake up on Christmas Day and see the words "He sees you when you're sleeping" written in blood on your wall.

5. The only party invitation he brings you is for the People's Action Party.

6. When you sit on his lap, he growls, "Eh, Pooi eh! Faster get off!"

7. Next to your presents is a bill for shipping, handling and GST.

8. You see Mommy doing more than just kissing Santa Claus.

9. You actually get two front teeth for Christmas.

10. And they're not yours.

11. There's a bunch of elves outside your door who says their "Tua Tao" wants to "settle" with you.

12. The reindeer all start sniggering when you open the box of chocolate chips he left you.

13. When he sees you, he doesn't go "Ho! Ho! Ho!", he nods meaningfully and says, "Nehmine.."

14. He doesn't turn up personally. He sends that other guy who likes dressing up in red and white.

15. He gives your children toys that make sounds like a car alarm going off.

16. On Christmas Eve, he comes to your house - and takes stuff.

17. No presents - but there's a reindeer head hanging outside your front door and sheets of paper with your photo and IC number pasted all over your void deck.

got this off someone's blog. pretty funny eh. =)

back from mob. i thought like not many people would be there to send us off but surprisingly, there were much more than i expected.

in the last 3 days before take off, $ 1400 came in. and we had $200 more than enough. now thats a prayer answered and a miracle.

before we even stepped past the gates i was like tearing already. but i forced myself to like stop.
i cry too many times. thats bad.

oh the plane. the tiny tiger airways plane. i was so uncomfortable and soon i felt feverish. so then i took a panadol. after landing, we were in a mega long queue to pass immigrations. that didnt really help feel better. met uncle charles and auntie hongyen. dinner at airport plaza, then back to their house. i found out my fever was a burning 38.6 degrees i think and so i took another 2 panadols.

next morning. my fever was gone! arent fevers supposed to last 3 days? made our way to maechan. met auntie nellie at the bus interchange. met uncle ian and auntie rachel. oh i love them. they are so nice. met linn our translater at maechan school. linn studied in uk so her english was so darn good. thank God. we helped decorate the school hall and stuff for the night christmas program.

at night. we went on stage quite a few times to do our stuff like 'wan dai thi thur', the christmas tree skit, more songs and stuff. many other groups performed and i learnt that thai dances are all slow and repetative.

when clearing up, the 5 guys and 1 more guy from there had to stuggle carry this huge potted tree off the stage. when they had finally gotten the plant off stage, 2 thai girls when over to the oter side of the stage and happily carried the other similar potted tree off. the guys were in shock for a while. it was hilarious. alvin and his, " i cant help you cos i'm a sissy boy" didnt really help at all. it only made us laugh. amy jie went historical.

we ate a nice chicken meal and slept over at linn's house. the next day we did 3 programs with 2 schools. travel travel. play play. the kids were treating us like superstars. had our own little favourite children.. blah.

night at linn's house again. night time entertainment for amy jie and i came from elisha's " dont ask me ask OCBC" and alvin's disposable ahems.

next day, went to 2 schools, 3 programs. the kids were very small, adorable and very responsive. we got our taste of superstardom. but mr park was most popular i dunno why. i can remember so clearly what we all did and had but its so much to write down. in all, we had loads of fun. the kids all came up to us with paper and pens, asking us for autographs and contact info. but we said we all didnt have addresses, phone numbers, emails...=)

next morning, was awoken my isaiah's cries. ( he is linn's 8 year old) Woke up the guys to have devotion. all of them are pigs. when we were starting devotion, linn came in and started sharing her life story, which i dun think i can share here. she wanted us to pray for her and so we did. then she decided we should go for prayer drive and sings songs to bless the people in the town. before we could agree or anything, she was out of the house. we all followed and piled into the pickup truck. she drove off before we could settle down. daddy almost fell off. haha.

we drove and sang while daddy played the guitar. linn said we were only gonna be in the truck but then somehow, we ended up walking through the market place, singing and giving out tracks. linn was leading the way, but suddenly, she fainted, and rolled on the floor. all of us were calm, although we had no one to translate anything to us and we were away from the house. we just helped her awake, she insisted on singing more songs so we did for a while, then we walked back to the truck. on the road, she fainted again. we quickly carried her across. luckily there were few cars. then this guy helped us drive the truck to the school we were supposed to go to and do program. linn rested there while we were driven back to get all our stuff for the program. uncle ian drove us to and fro the school.

we had 3 programs in that school. p1 to p3, p4 to p6 and sec 1 to 3. for the first 2 programs, things went rather ok, with auntie nellie translating. linn was still resting. the 1st program was a little screwed up though. the kids were too small, there were too many people. the game was chaos. but we learnt alot from it.
the 2nd program went smoothly. now the 3rd program. the sec 1 to 3. the kids were much bigger now, and they were very unresponsive, daddy and amy jie had quite a hard time leading songs. linn was finally there. we sang an inpromptu 'making melodies'. which was quite fun in the end. after the whole program, while we were doing our closing song, linn fainted again. this time, everyone just auto go help. we sent linn to the bevington's house for the night. then we went to her house and packed up our stuff, and left to auntie nellie's house by chiongpu's mega truck. she was so kind to drive us all the way to pallai. she is a mighty rich girl, studies in singapore in a private school in douby ghaut. she has her own chauffeur, personal secetary...5 dogs, 5 levels in her house, 2 huge shops....and she accepted
christ! wheee!!!

auntie nellie's house has a heater and boy was i so glad. the guys went down to bathe at the church. no heater, lousy door. haha. when they came back and told us about their expierience. oh my goodness. we laugh till mad. oh and at night, the rooms were connected at the top, so everything could be heard. down to the last giggle. funny. we whispered across to each other and small boy ( elisha) and mr park and a certain james gave us entertainment again. now, come to think of it, most of our mealtime entertainment came from james. ahem.

we decorated the church, watched dvds, did a night program.... oh. i saw the sunrise. went to the ramp, climbed to the top, watch the sun appear from behind the mountains. it was amazing.

the next few days passed super quickly. we went to the chiagnmai rented house, enjoyed the luxury of tv, 'troy', half of 'kingdom of heaven', shopping, hot water...

ngao hostel. oh my goodness i almost froze when bathing. but luckily, we bathe when the sun was still out, so not as bad as the guys when they bathe at night. haha. the guys were screaming and shrieking like girls in the cubicles that everyone outside was laughing so hard. haha. i almost fell off my chair... oh and we did one more program, while walking back, had an encounter with drunk drivers, daddy did his spice girls walk and talk..can you imagine, ian walking like some hip hop gangster chicken wannabe, going," ooohhhh.......i TELOO wattai wan wattai wealli wealli wan, so TELMI watu wan, watu wealli wealli wan, i wanna, i wanna i wanna i wanna i wanna ou le vu gu che a vi moi, trong pai kang NA." haha. a mix of spice girls, lady marmalade ( really bad translation) and thai.

then, we had travelling on bus, about 5 to 7 hours. back to uncle charles and auntie hongyen. went to church, night bazaar, sunday walking street. ate prata super good, bought our mob shirt. TUNA. more stuff....zoom zoom zoom. back home.

was really surprised to see so many people there to receive us. i thought only our parents or something would be there. this trip really opened my eyes to the world around me, pulled me out of my comfort zone to help others. i hope there would be another time when i can go for one more. right now, i am so glad to be home. i'm more appreciative of things around me. less concious about myself. i wanna go church and be with my friends again. oh how i miss...

tm camp is over. and i am a brand new person.

i just love meeting God during camps like these.

1st day. went to camp early and found out i was the only girl in my cg. not bad for starters eh.
even cgl was jon.

played ice breakers and went to fetch christina jie from work. came back in time for sermon.
then at night, played the missionary game. it was really really freaky.

we were chinese people. in china. and there were 4 missionaries. we were supposed to help the missionaries transport stuff. like bring bibles to this secret room in the school, where 3 people would receive us. we had to help copy letters and bring to other missionaries too. there were 20 bibles hidden in the whole school. we had to find them and bring them to the secret room.

shukun was the one who explained the game and he was all like," there are spies in this room. " these spies will catch us and bring us to this torture chamber. they will pour water on us, slap us, ask us a lot of questions and stuff. if they find materials on you, thats even worse.

the best is not to let them catch you.

then he gave out 10 more bibles. nicole and i knew about the whole game in the beginning, so we made a pact to be partners. we were praying silently that shukun would not give us the bible. but unfortunately, he gave the last one to nicole. we were shocked and frightened. shukun started to pray for us when all of a sudden the lights went out and people screamed. nicole and i were near the door so we ran out and hid. the whole game was like dang frightening. like when you walked to the back of the school, you could hear people screaming and shouting, people being tortured and people torturing. tables were slammed, doors were banged.. oh my gosh.

nicole and i were like terrified, walking here and there, finding a place to hide. we found the missionaries and got a letter to copy. it was in chinese and i didnt know how to write some words. oh welps.

we knew before the whole game who were the spies and stuff,, so when we saw them, we just walked away. haha.

during the whole game i was so freaked out. my heartbeat was like very very fast. i even planned to like have breathing difficulties if anyone wanted to bring me away. haha.

when the whole game ended, i was so so so happy. then as expected, cos of my retardedness, i cried once we were dismissed from the hall to supper.

then when praying during discussion, i cried again. had a talk with alvin about the whole thing, then keith kor saw us and shooed alvin away. then he started talking to me, telling me loads of stuff too. i just like listened and listened. then shufen jie and amy jie came to talk to me. then like consoled me and prayed for me. thank God for friends. i think kor feels wierd cos i didnt like talk at all. ahaha..

2nd day, sermon in the morning, games in the afternoon. the whole game was tiring. ran from edmund's water station to church in 20 minutes. woohoo. fats lost.

at night. we had another sermon and an alter call. the alter call was for jonahs. ( those people who were running away) i didnt know why but i went to the front. and i just stood there. i heard people crying beside me and all, but i didnt feel anything. i was envious.

then i just closed my eyes. soon, i saw a shadow of someone standing in front of me. that someone prayed a while and my emotions swung 180 degrees immefiately, i started crying and crying. and then i couldnt stand anymore. it was the Holy spirit..

some people helped me to the floor slowly. basically. the same thing happened to me as the previous camp, but this time, it was much worse. i was shivering and shaking and a lot of people prayed for me. uncle william, pastor dave... pastor dave told me to illustration of the small dog with a big bark. i remember last year amy jie decribed me as having spasms or something like that...

i was alright for a few minutes in the middle of this whole thing. amy teo jie tried to get me to talk but i just stared into space, into her eyes. i couldnt say a word. and then i started crying again. all the bad pst came back to me. right from young when i can remember. all the humiliation, the pain, the torture, the sadness. it all came back to me that night. i remembered so many bad incidents. i thought i forgot and forgave. but i had only compress it.

after a while, they forced me stand cos i wasnt getting any better and soon, i was alright. i couldnt walk and my hands were numb. ian daddy, gracie jie, adele jie came to help me walk. i was like a baby, learning how to walk. i couldnt even lift my legs. too painful..

everything felt like wierd. of course, soon, with a lot of help, my limbs regained conciousness.

that night, all my pain, all my sorrows, all the humiliation and torture i went through, i traded for God's happiness. =)

3rd day, muscle aches everywhere. sermon in the morning. captains ball competition in the afternoon. whole afternoon. there were lots and lots of people. daddy, joash, chris brought like a team each, so there were about 40 plus people from innova. madness. there was an acjc team. strong but too bad, they were out before my team finished playing other teams yet. and my team lost to theirs in the beginning. haha..

oh, and my team had nicole, servant mella, marcus, marcus, shi xiong, daniel loke, and one more guy.

night time, the leaders prayed for everyone personally. angel came and so did huiru. everyone was crying i think.

last day. we had a short message in the morning followed by a voice recording of uncle charles. then passing the batons and prizes. after everything ended, we cleaned the whole school and played somemore.

so there. another year, another camp. all over. so quickly. but i dun want to move on...i love this spiritual high-ness..

prom! was great. oh, and my phone got stolen. crap. whoever stole it, please return it to me.....doubt a would get a new one. oh. how i must get used to a phoneless life.

gracie jie did my hair and face for me. she came all the way to swissotel!!! oh i love her! and i loved what she did to me!!! thank God for such beautiful and talented friends! it really help me a lot, considering the fact that i got only $20 for november and the money has all gone to mob. plus, i owe my dad $100. crap. so there was no way i could have gone to a salon like the rest of the sec3s and spent $200 on everything like clarice.

the hair and face- gracie jie. free!
the earings- nicole's. free!
the dress- lizzie lee's. free!
the small purse- got it just the night before from auntie christina. nicole's mum. free!
the shoes- mum's. free!

so in all, i spent... mmm. let me see.. nothing!!!

praise God!!!

serving the first dish was quite messy. i put the dish at the wrong table.
then judging the best dressed table..oh my goodness..after everything, we realised that the best dressed table had 2 of the judges in it. haha.
trivia quiz. the results came out before we finished marking all of it. seems like there was lack of time, so they took the best score first.

cambridge pageant. jeanne won it. woots. guessed as much. either prissy or jeanne.

need to get back from sophil something that belongs to me. oh man. how could i forget.....

back from australia.

got some pretty nice stuff. could have gotten more. but too bad, mum and dad said we overspent by a lot already. so there...

was very upset over the fact that mum and i were searching for sweaters for mob, then when we found them, she and dad decided not to buy them, that was rather crap, and they gave many rather stupid reasons and excuses. but now, i dont care. really.

today, went to church for mob meeting at 2, then got a call from christabel. turns out i have ld comittee meeting at 2.30. brilliance. pure brilliance. i felt so guilty missing the first ever com meeting discussing CCA FAIR and i was supposed to take minutes since i am the secretary. oh well done.

missing all the rest of the dramas this year. crap la. i want to do something!

if only, there was no australia trip, or many we could have gone for a shorter time, or go later.
oh well, at least i got stuff in return.

i want to go to china next year!

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mob meeting, found out we had to do a lot of stuff by a very near dateline.
had quite a lot of fun doing everything. lalala. not telling more. whoopdedo.

what in the world is happening to me?

now i hate my parent??

now i think they dont love me?

is this the work of the devil?

now my parents arent willing to buy stuff for me. in the past, even things i dont need that much they would get it. now, they are only willing to get the cheapest stuff for me. not willing to spend more than 20 plus for my 2 pairs of shorts.

what is wrong with getting two pairs of shorts for me?

only a few more dollars. not as if i am going to wear it for once. good material can last for long. but not good material can last for less than a year.

a pair of not so good shorts = $ 20

wash for some time, worn out. use for home wear. time taken - 4 months.

a pair of good shorts = $ 40

wash for sometime. i like to wear, so wash for more times. not worn out since its good material.
time taken - more than 2 years.

isnt it more worth it?

i tell you the truth. i already on the verge. please dont make me do stuff you will regret. just for the 2 pairs of shorts.

never ever threaten me with my freedom. never. you would wish you didnt. you never know what will happen. dont force me.

i want too many things. am i not fir to be a christian?

i want to go to heaven, i want faith, i want a blessed life, i want to live well.

i want to lead, i want to stand out, i want this, i want that.

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all these is too much. ene is right. eternal happiness overshadows temorary happiness.
eternal happiness is much better than temporary happiness.

so it doesnt matter i live like a pig, like a beggar now.

it doesnt matter if i look like a child from low income family, it doent matter if i dress in old, clothes worn a thousand times. it doesnt matter if i am dirty.

all it matters is i go to heaven.

i want to believe this.

but its so difficult. so so difficult.

whatever the outcome, thanks ene, for tagging.

for now, just let me finish crying. let me finish punishing myself. then, let me live in misery. so that i can go to heaven.

already said i need to get two pairs of sports shorts. for my own use.
be it camps or daily life, i still need it. so i try to get it as comfortable as possible, and as nice as possible.

but why. why do they have to make life so difficult?

i looked at other brands and other shorts but they are not as nice. i saw adidas and nike. i saw that they were nice, and comfortable. so i ask for it.
i like the material, i like the design. others i have seen. but i hate them. so why force me to wear those i hate?

i feel good if i look good. i feel good then i will perform better.
give me cheapo shorts, i feel lousy, obviously i wont do as well.

ok, lets say i go for the tick and the three stripes. but so what? its only what.. a few more pieces of paper.

why is it so expensive? its good, thats why its expensive. if it is not good, do you think it will be so expensive?

have you ever thought i might not go for the brand? even if its fila, i dont want, cos i dont feel comfortable in them.

forget it. whatever i say, you wont buy them for me. life is like that isnt it?

exams are over, the results are out, scold me for my results. fine, they are all over. now its the holidays. why still make me cry?

i dont understand. i really dont understand.. if only they were younger, then they will understand. the pressure on me when i see the rest of them, all doing better than me, all wearing better then me. but i, forget it.

why threaten me by saying you wont allow me to go for other camps if it is so difficult? why?
why threaten me in the first place? is that you way of doing things?

ok, i might be going to camp to suffer, so i try to make it as comfortable as possible when i am suffering. why make it worse? why make me feel worse?

you, might have been from npcc. but not me. i cannot be as rugged as you. i cant wear the same thing twice without washing. i am clean. thats me. you like to wear the same pair of shorts for two days of exercise without washing, thats you. i am not you.

why am i writing all these anyway? not as if you care enough to read. even though i might have given you my address. yea. you are busy. you are always busy.

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why do i want those two pairs of shorts? why cant you just get them for me?
why make life so difficult? is it so hard to pay some money and make you daughter a bit happy?
i wish i had more time, then i can go out to work by myself, earn myself more money and get what i need.

God? is this part of the period of time in life where things get really down, to grow my faith, to grow my perserverance, to grow my character?

i thought you said something like you would give me enough to handle? isnt this a bit too much for me?

i asked for a stress ball like more than a month ago. but even this small thing, you cant get it for me.. must i wait for christmas for everything? must i wait till my birthday for stuff?

can someone reading this who cares enough for me please please get me the stress ball?
also, more boxes of tissue, and a shoulder for me to lean on?

sometimes i wish i could get a boyfriend too.. i see so many other people having boyfriends who care for them, who accompany them. i see them all happy. yea, sometimes i see them sad, but the happiness is so intense.


i see other people, getting brilliant stuff without trying. because the people around them do.
i look in the mirror, i see a loser. i see a nobody who wants to be somebody, i see someone who trys hard to get stuff, but fail miserably. i see tear stained cheeks, i see red eyes. i see someone fat and ugly.

maybe my punishment isnt harsh enough. i only went down by a kilo. that not enough. now, i cannot aim 40 kg. now i aim 39 kg. ohoh. so sorry cheryl. another 2 more kg to go. start slacking and you will have 3 more kgs to go. relax more and you will have 4 more kgs to go.

you cannot relax cheryl! no more sweets, no more chocolates, no more sweet drinks.

only water, more veg, less meat as possible, no snacks, no biscuits, no titbits. until the day you reach 39 kg.

the first thing my mum wanted when we got home was the report book.
not the dinner, not anything. but the report book.

next, she looks it through and say " hey.. look here. you deproved in this this this this and this. and you only improved in english and a math."

but hey. how can anyone compare between eoy and ca? ca is not even made up of tests but by homework. means we get time to do it. duh i can score higher..

dad opened the report book and went," you see. your teacher said you have to manage your time better."

human nature. parents only see the bad side of their children's reports. no wonder he didnt see the "cheryl is an eloquent girl who expresses her ideas very well. she is enthusiastic about trying new activites." he only saw the ," however, she must remember to manage her time carefully."

when i mentioned about him not seeing the good part. he said that being enthusiastic was a problem. fine. since my parents dont like me being enthusiastic, from now on, i shall not try anything that is new. hmmm. maybe i will just leave all my math questions blank. hey. its new...

when giving us the annual lecture, my blood started to boil. then he said to me that i was one of the lowest in the standard. i nearly blew. but of course, i said in a calm manner that on the contrary, i was one of the top in class and top in the standard for those who do the same subject combinations as me. he paused, flipped open my report book again, read, then kept quiet. hah!
blindly saying stuff.. see.. unfair. in sec 1 and sec 2. i was the lowest in class. duh. being with all the top psle scorers who score something like 270 and above in the best class doesnt help. now add in table tennis. i only got 246. not even special. and they put me int he best class...i dun blame them for this. its in the past.

anyway. dad said i was too sensitive. well. maybe i am. but hey. you cant blame me and made me guilty straighaway.. whatever happened to innocent before proven guilty? with all that i have just been through, i dont need more bad stuff to happen. mum said i have to get used to it cos next time when i grow up and go to work, people are gonna make nasty remarks..

hello. whatever people say i dun care. but if my parents said all the bad stuff.. it means i might be really bad. fine. then i shall live up to the title. of a bad child. oh wait. maybe i should be like my parents. afterall, they are supposed to be role models. so if they are pessimistic, if they only see the bad side and not eh good side of their children. next time i should do the same. just complain on how bad she had done, not even congratulating her for the improvements and telling her how lousy she is, how she can improve, and of course, say stuff that is not even true. even if you are not sure if it is, just say it. like maybe for example, being the lower ones in the standard.

yea sure. my mum did say i did improve a bit and that i did put in effort. but thats all. she tells me next on what i should be getting for the next exams.

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today, the day when i was hit by 2 tragedies.

no ld president or vice president.
no major role in the film. instead, the lousiest.
no encouragements after parents see report book. just put downs and disencouragements. if there is such a word.

God has a plan, He has a purpose of putting you in all these. He loves you and cares for you. you will know better after sometime, why its like that.

yea. i know. i heard it all. but its now that i am in. and now, i cant see anything. duh i am so upset. but hey. how can you blame me? i am not god.

i went to sentosa today!!! with mich, rj, jops, beef and her sister. then beef's sister's friends, joseph and fiona, came along. fun fun day!

in the morning, jops and i waited for rj who was late as usual at serangoon. met mors and took the sentosa bus at harbourfront.

fooled around in the water playing polo and monkey at siloso till beef came. we took the lone court at the rightest side of the beach.

we ( everyone ) played some nice shots, ate sandwiches, played more.

then joseph, jops, fiona and i took the siloso line to palawan and bought stuff. i bought the mash potatoes at 7 eleven but then it was a bit spicy, so i took 2 bites and donated it to joseph. then i got chocolate ice cream. i wanted to buy water but beefy's sister, samantha, could get top ups free or something since she works as a lifeguard there so i bought fruit tree. man.. all the sugar and fats...we went in and out of 7 eleven buying stuff and then eating them outside, then going back in to get more stuff... finally, finally, we left palawan.

came back to siloso, saw rj and mors play volleyball with sam and this ang moh guy who was rather pro. they said the ang moh was playing volleybal by himself so they played with him. i cant even imagine how someone can play volleyball by him or herself. haha.. maybe just dig and dig...

then i played a match with joseph against jops and mors. we trashed them 21 - 11 then let them catch up until 24 - 20 then we finally played serious and won the last point. haha. giving false hope.. joseph even called jops a weaklingduring the whole game.. haha! jops is like one of the more pro players in school...

anyway, the clouds started coming and filling the sky. i didnt want to play anymore but then rj, beef, sam came in. so i played a while longer.

suddenly i saw a flash and thought it was lightning. i dashed beeline for the small shelter we occupied. then the rest all started laughing at me. they told me to get back into the game cos the flash came from a camera nearby. stupid me la.

i got back into the game till i heard thunder. too bad. this time i didnt go back in. it started to drizzle. then pour. all of them came back in and took shelter. in the distance i saw people still swimming. one word. mad.

there was lightning and thunder. and jops, rachel, mors had to leave of piano lessons and stuff. the showers were about 200 metres away so i refused to leave the shelter. after a long time of disscussion on what to do, they still decided to run in the rain to the showers. all of them all ran already, leaving me behind. i decided to follow.

the whole stretch i ran, i ran as fast as possible, praying and praying for God to protect me. i was so frightened that i thought i was gonna die halfway. seriously. in front of me i see the shelter so near but i had no more strength to run. i thought of giving up alnd falling. man...

in the ladies, i opened my spectacle box and found my shades missing! i searched for my shades but couldnt find!! everywhere, in my bag, every compartment. jops went to find it for me outside but found nothing.

when in the cubicle, i prayed for God to help me find the shades.. then i opened up the spectacle boz and there it was!! miracle! truly miracle!! it wasnt there before and i couldnt have made a mistake since the box was not big, meaning it could not have been in the box but i overlooked or something like that..

back at harbourfront, joined beef, sam, fiona, joseph and mors at subway. just watched. didnt eat. haha. joseph and beef wanted to share their sandwich but i declined. saw pepper on the sandwiches. =P

on the train back to serangoon, beef and i had a nice conversation. sam joined in later when fiona stopped at douby ghaut.

the whole day i was in the sun..even lunch when they sat in the shade, i was eating in the sun.

but yet.. but yet.. after the whole day, people tell me i look no difference. oh man!! how unfair can the world get? people like joanne sit int he sun for 5 mere minutes and they change a shade of brown.

i m feeling rather down now. so i decided to blog about it.

ok how to start?

firstly, i feel like i am being left out of everything. i dont do the things that other people like to do a lot.

for example. its the exam week and everyone should know how much people like to talk about the paper after the exam. i hate the hypocrisy. however you spell it.

i hate it when people who have shown themselves to be very capable in their studies go something like this...

" aiya.. i sure die la!! you know question 3.. i never do part 5.. "

people will start coming into the conversation...

"how to do?? is it bring log to both sides then.... "

"argh!! i got that at first then i thought its the wrong answer!!! i threw the whole paper away!!"

"10 marks leh!! 10 marks!! die la!! i bet i minus ten thousand marks already la!"

" i even worse lor! you know how many questions i didnt do? i left...."

"oh my goodness.. my question 10.. question 10... question 10!!!"

" what answer did you get for that question? its supposed to be..."

" huh!! i got a different answer!!!"

" i already minus 16 marks! cos i never do .... questions....how.. how??"

i would be watching at the side. cos i hate talking about exams. sometimes when they ask me what is my answer or what i would discuss a little. but i really hate post exam chat.. in my mind, i would be greatly distressed and uneasy. cos i also left out... questions and so did the other girl. but she let it all out screaming..gaining "pity" and "sympathy".. whatever it is la...

then there would be a great increase in decibels. then the next door teacher will come into the classroom of students literally screaming," argh!! " and the teacher would go...

" girls. next door is still having their exams. can you all please lower down your volumes??"

but thats another topic. anyway. all these people would start calculating their marks on the board. and they will be like...

" aiya.. forget it la! fail already count for what. i have no points to count la!"

when the exam results are out, they will go..

" see la! my question... what is this lor. so lousy. i only got 20 out of 25 leh! this is crap la! my whole year results gone case already la!!"

and what will i get? i will be the real failure. with like average marks...

== pause ==

i dont want to continue any further.

i know what will cheer me up though..

the thoughts of post exam activities..

although too many activities, but they are all nice.

volleyball training and competition, dramas ( note the plural tense) for safari at pl, filming for the video...( most looking forward to..) mega camp, tm camp, holiday to australia, mob trip!

ok. change subject. now i know when something is wrong with me.

when i feel super down after exam papers.
when i walk out in fellowship at cellgroup. my first.
when when i turn out into the corridor, tears start flowing. but i dun know what i am crying for. i mean like. i dun know what is making me so sad.

when even a slow song can make me think so much.
when my brother just does an action, like telling me i am wrong when i haven even answered half of the iq question he post. turns out i got the answer right.

now, what can make me happier?

i realised my mood swung up after playing with joanne's 5 puppies. i left her house laughing.
maybe some close friends and i hanging out or something.
new stuff. like low belt school uniform..( sorry. these things are not manufactured anymore.)
new clothes or stuff.
barbequing with friend from school or church.
partying with them.
playing with young stuff like babies or animals or something.
the second nicole gets the horrible third picture of her blog. the one that makes me look like a monster( inproportionate face parts) but her like an angel.
the day the person i like asks me out or something.

i dunno la.


dreams.. tmr. no tuition. yes! finally. can wake up naturally. without people waking me up.
this week alone. i had 5 tuitions. from monday to thursday. thats average more than 1 a day. madness.

no wonder i am crazy.

sawadii ka!

chan chi rylle ka!

my name in thai is rylle. (pronouned rye-lee)

cos 'cheryl' is too difficult to say in thai.

nicole thought of ryl for me cos our names have to be shortened...

i considered a while cos i couldnt think of any nicknames until i remembered i always write my name as rylle!! heeheehee...

oh.. and ryl ( in thai pronouned rae-erll ) means fast. which is slightly ironic.
not that i am slow or anything. but i just dun like to run sometimes.

i hope rylle doesnt mean anything bad in thai! haha!

and i hope my name will be approved. i figured since pi ( which means 'older' and like more senior ) nelly goes by pi nelly, then pi rylle or nong ( it is nong? for 'younger' ?) rylle should be no problem.

cheryl tan also has a nickname close to mine! haha. ryllie.. then now when i think about it, ryllie looks better. but if i change mine to rylie, it will be too close.. will it?

which is better? rylie or rylle?

oh. and christabel wrote the script already! i am so happy!!! =))
wheee! cant wait to see it!

hey people. cheryl is back from mob retreat!!!

oh i miss retreat. just love it! had a lot of fun and i learnt a lot as well...

yesterday, had to meet at 9 15. and we did.. at city hall mrt. then we made our way to esplanade for our secret mission.

that. was not nice. cos 1. our handphones and wallets were taken away for this 'mission exercise'
but, 2. we still had our bags.

the first cluw was finding the meeting place which was rather easy. where else can a picture of a durian mean?

then we were given 1.609 km in thai, something like this...

neng. hok soon khaw kilomet

this was also equlilant to a mile.

we were supposed to think of golden mile. well, we did.. hee.

so we walked and walked and walked. the whole way people kept asking if i was ok. or if i needed help carrying my bag which i did not strap over my back but held it with 2 hands in front of me.
anyway, i carried my bag the whole time!! i am so proud of myself. haha.

eventually, we found golden mile, finished befriending the 2 thai friends and invited them down to our retreat. then we had our lunch.

i ate half a plate of chicken rice. irritating elisha asked me if i could finish my food before i even started eating. ( he finished already and wanted more)..

ok next the hostel. i had a non air conditioned place with mattresses in mind but no!!

the hostel was like a hotel. with air cons, nice clean beds and personal shelves, big rooms.... oh my. i was super surprised. the lobby was already hotel standard.

the girls had 6 beds and 3 people since amy jie was sick and didnt sleep over. so i took 2 pillows and 2 comforters. nice!! too bad the guys' room had no comforters.. =( but their room was bigger though. they had 7 people!

had lessons on thai culture, language and so on. i was forced to eat half a worm! didnt want to, tearing already.. but still was forced to. sad...then we had some free time before another session. after the next session we had dinner on the rooftop. it was superb! the view, the wind... we could see the 'batman tower', glowing...the rest of the buildings were so ordinary.

there was chilli on the food so i didnt finish as usual. joshua was hinting that peole would eat it for me. haha. so i gladly let him finish it for me.

we had another meeting in the guys room. this time as we were worshipping i couldnt stand so i fell on the bed and same thing happened as tm camp last year.

after some time i was ok again and even could go watch some telly. i still had time to study...!! amazing! in the afternoon already studied then again have free time to study! i thought there wouldnt be any time at all to study! =)

the girls slept rather early.. then next day i was awoken by timothy. he called my phone to give me details on what time to meet and where. apparantly he canlled yew ya, but her phone was on silent, he called nicole but being nicole she didnt wake up so her called me.
my phone was on vibration mode and being a light sleeper ( i think) i woke.. after quite a number of rings. haha.

nicole woke up in record time, 1o minutes! whee..

we went for a rather long jog. then had some time for qt before team building games. took some time on the games cos it really wasnt easy to do with so many people though we had 7 only.

breakfast was bought by us yesterday during the mission so we ate what we bought.

today was rather eventful as well, with alot of performances and planning. quite fun.

lunch time. alvin told elisha who was sitting next to me.. " hey we shared 2nd helping ok?"

which meant, " hey, we share cheryl's leftovers ok?'

elisha immediately knew what he meant and so did i so i said i would finish all my food. but i still didnt. nevermind.

we went to a thai service after lunch. didnt understand anything but doesnt matter.

the retreat ended after the service. on the bus ride home i was sleeping. haha. tired.

the whole retreat was really nice. i got closer to elisha, joshua and ian. like interacted more with them. elisha is actually this huge monster in a small boy's skin. really. the amount he eats is huge! he finished his meal, my meal, then went to buy more food! madness! plus he is a joker. meaning he makes people laugh at his actions. farnie..

joshua is very gentlemanly. an ivan teo clone. enough said. too bad they are too nice. not for me.

daddy really knows how to teach stuff. really like a daddy. imagine your daddy. ok.

if daddy sees something he can do, like improve or help to change for better so that you will be more comfortable, he will come to you. tell you. give you a detailed explanation and demostration, then help you adjust.

ok. i cant spend too much time cos i have 2 exam papers tmr!!!

will post more in a few days time.

i am going for mob retreat tmr.
so exciting!!! cant wait.
exams are near. and on monday i have one so that means i have to do my notes to bring for retreat so that i can study!!

man. time flies. its the end of the year and exams are here.
after exams i will be even busier with

mob
filming
volleyball competition
australia
tm camp


woots!! i love em all.

i hope and i pray that filming wont clash with my australia trip.

please please please. cannot cannot clash.

our team has been training for volleyball competition almost 4 days a week.
tuesday during pe and recess, wed ditti. thursday and friday during recess.
mrs teo said we should have no problem in the competition. plus we have to help umpire and sorta take charge.

anyway. my main focus now is exams and after exams it will be filming and the mob trip!!!

ahhh....

oh anyway. nicole's birthday just passed. and we spent it studying.....

we were at swensons. the usual people plus bryan.
dustbin(tsura), dictionary(justin), servant(mella), nicole and i.

i ate half my fish baked rice.
the rest gave to poor servant. who brought enough money to buy the soup of the day only. haha.
it was funny when we said our own orders and eveyone ordered a meal but servant, who was last, said to the waiter ,"soup of the day."

haha. then when daddy, daniel loke and ivan came, we ordered ice cream.
i had a frosted chocolate malt, daddy had a sticky chewy chocolate and nicole had her free firehouse surprise.

ivan and daniel wanted to eat some of daddy's ice cream but he didnt allow.
i took some of his ice cream. haha! and he took like more scoops than mine. but nevermind. cos in the end i still didnt finish my ice cream... haha.

the day before we went to the airport to receive daddy from thailand. and we went to swensons. i ordered the same frosted chocolate malt but didnt really eat the ice cream. i think i took the toppings plus one mouth or two of ice cream then we had to go to the arrival hall. so wasted.

ok. nicole says i have to calm down before the retreat. i have to go do my notes anyway. i better go now.

oh one last thing. joanne and beefy came for cell group in class. so happy!!!! haha.. and i prayed for them. just that i didnt really fell God's prescence. i think i was too proud and that is not good.
i learnt my lesson and have to go now. really. oh by the way, the search for the 'man of my dreams' is still on. well. not really. still hasnt been decided who takes the role of the main character. i think christabel wants the role too, just that she didnt say it.

mrs tan is getting some guys from acs. and they are supposed to be very good cos they were in om.. still, i have got some people already but i wont make the decision who yet. so guys still can contact me... for more info read my previous post! =)

CALLING ALL GUYS BETWEEN THE AGES OF 15 TO 18!

IF YOU

- Can smile with charm ( bad breathers not allowed)
- Play a bit of basketball
- Can act
- Don't mind the part of a nice, charming, handsome date
- Think you look normal on screen ( not too many pimples)
- Have a good working attitude
- Are at least 165cm tall
- Are not too skinny, not too fat
- Are interested in this...

THEN WE WANT YOU!!!

we are gonna film something exciting, something fun, something cool!
and we need guys ( see conditions above)....

so what are you waiting for??

sign up NOW!

email Cheryl at still_a_child@hotmail.com (click here )

or

give her a ring or sms at 96323811.

we will start filming after exams, which means real soon! ( should be about 17 oct onwards)

do you dare???

-----------------------------

hey people. this is real ok. i really need a pleasant looking guy.

haha. so consider it la!!!

crap. i wrote so much to post then this comp went cranky and deleted everything.

ok. rewrite in point form.

- saturday.
- bbq for mummy's friends.

- invited nicole, ian, joanne, janice, clarice, justin.

- bryan invited kelvin, ivan teo, tsura, ivan goh, jeremy

- bryan and ian cooked most of the time.

- i cooked quite a bit too.

- ate only a little

- clarice and i had guitar lessons at bbq area.

- adults went upstairs.

- guitar lesson changed venue to playground where all the teens were.

- boys were monkeys, climb here there..

- girls sat swings and stuff.

- guitar lesson, guitar lesson.

- end of day.

- eyes blinded by ivan's camera flashes.

- saw some pictures. embarassing.

sunday. today.

- church.

- surmon on Job.

- sleepy but somehow, listen to whole surmon.

- in the notes, conclusions answered my questions to jon in cg time on saturday.

- after church,

- on the way to serangoon central,

- bus took long time to come.

- on the bus,

- someone say clarice and i look same age.

- not first week already. since few weeks ago started saying already.

- my feelings..-" ?!? means that?...?"

- ian became 'daddy'.

- not saying who is mummy.

- daddy carried all 3 guitars to macs.

- ate.

- WALKED THE WAY HOME!

- on the way, thunder.

- i walked faster, reach home first.

- the rest lag behind.

- guitar lesson at home.

- learn a lot.

- strumming and one song.

- daddy saw the left behind collection at home. borrowed Glorious Appearing.

- lessons ended at 3.

- next week last lesson.

- after next week..- mob training!!!!

- bryan going too. means i wont be 2nd youngest anymore.

- sad. means.. i have to take care of him... !!!! ohoh...

- study from 3 plus. slept halfway.

- now is 7 plus.

- i want dinner!

on sunday, i went to church, then lunch with nicole kris and clarice, took prints then watched charlie with clarice before heading into town to meet michelle.

met her then met her friends.

there is sijia and alyn her cousins, then there is this girl called joanna.
there are 3 guys and i distinctly remember one of them's name. its.. crap i forgot.

anyway, we were shopping. and poor michelle couldnt find anything to buy. oh btw, its her birthday.

yea then we shopped at many other places. after what the people she were with said was more than an hour, i bought her a mambo pencil case.

oh yea. his name is eugene.

and when michelle was deciding to buy it, he kept mentioning how much the pencil case cost, with the money i could buy about 9 packets of chicken rice which could feed 9 families in africa. whatever la. ha. crap.

i bought the pencil case and we went to kallang station to catch the shuttle bus to indoor stadium. on the way, her friends stuck conversations with me. i think they are rather friendly. bartley people should be like that, i should make a mental note here.

yea and they included me in their plan, Plan B, which was to sing out michelle's birthday song when someone gave the command.
the command was given when we were in the queue at the indoor stadium.

saw bryan and his gang. bryan was still carrying the guitar i was supposed to carry.

anyway, poor michelle survived through Plan B, about 3 times. haha.

we then queue here, talk there, fan ourselves here, drink there, eat here, throw there. before entering the stadium.

during worship, we went down to the ground level, then after a while, we decided to go back to our seats but the people didnt allow us to. instead, they brought us to this " vip area" where we had to be until we could return to our seats. actually, the vip area was better than our seats cos our seats we behind the screen and we could see only everything. backwards.

i dont know how i ended up inbetween two of michelle's guy friends. her friends are really...
i dunno. over friendly and determined. they were determined to get back to their seats.

ok. i know the word to describe them. unanti-social.

after we finally got back to our seats, we worshipped somemore before going home separately. daddy picked me up from kallang. bryan left without me already and i was rather pissed with him cos he thought he was smart and cool.

anyway, i got home and slept.

----------------------------------------


its the season for stress. if i even know what stress is.

is it stress when

everytime i am alone i think of all the things i have to do, i feel really frustrated and i dun want to do anything but curl up and sleep?

i cant control myself and really want to cry out but afraid to for what i think is no reason at all?

i try hard to breathe normally?

i dun know i dun care.

i think i have too many tuitions. chinese, science, maths.

but i need them. this is crap. chinese and science is ok with me. tuition is only an hour and a half.

but maths really killing me with 2 solid hours. and the price is bombing.

ok pause.
--------------------------------
i just humiliated myself. thanks to a wonderful friend of mine.

i was chatting with joanne loh on msn and since its her last week in singapore, she invited me out on sunday.

but. BUT. i have lessons on sunday. and i missed one lesson last week so all the more i shouldnt miss another.

but. but. BUT. miss joanne thinks she has to power to make me miss lessons.

yea. she might be leaving but i already have lessons on every week. dun add on joanne and i have a 10 year and still counting friendship.

she ask me why i could miss lessons for other people but not her.

to that i replied i didnt miss any lessons for anyone.

she replied," whatever"
then she asked me why i didnt have lessons last week.

i went to call my dad at this point cos my mum wanted me to ask him something.

when i went back to the comp, i started typing my reply. then she decided to play queen and log off. without waiting for my reply. oh how brilliant and wise you are my queen. everything you do is correct.

i smsed her my reply but she didnt answer.

a while later when she logged on again, i gave her my reply again. and this is what she replied me.

" i am not joanne. bye."

queen joanne just had to let someone else use her account. i mean i dun blame her. since she is the queen and has every right to do anything.

and for one, her royal highnesses' mum or dad or whoever i msned might have wanted to use the computer.

ok. now that this is out, i dun feel humiliated anymore. for some reason. i feel normal. thick skinness is good. haha. you wont feel embarrased. you wont feel humiliated. you take everything in your stride and calmly react to any disastrous situation cooly.

sounds cool?

whatever.
ok back to my entry.
---------------------------------

now, i dun feel so stressed. instead i feel positively motivated to study till tomorrow morning.

screw the eyebags. mugging rocks.

hey. now i think of it, stress can help weight loss!!!! wheeee!!!! haha. this is an advantage. i just love it when people say i am getting skinnier. haha.

actually not. cos i know i am not skinny. like hello? about half the people in my class is skinnier than me. and taller. sitting beside me is one example already.

michelle is 159 to 162 cm. i cant remember her height. and she is around me weight. which is not good la since i am shorter than MOST of the people in my class. and no matter how much she eats, she doesnt get fat. like every day i eat at least 3 pieces of fruit and maybe an egg tart or something and she can buy a bowl of mee siam, a bottle of ice water, another plate of something else and something else and not eat fruits. how does she do it?

stop. i dun want to write anymore. i just found out my other blog is not a secret anymore. want to know why? because i went to... ok...not telling you here. ask me on msn. the risk of putting it her is too high.

off to mug like mad.

i think i am positively insane.

wheeeeeeeeeeeee

rargh.

kdY&*5&*OtJhFGILtj689I*^ikjGIL*7kGI^%HJ5&*$hfLI*5

heehee.

i have tuition on national day eve, natinal day and the day after national day.

i am so stupid. so retarted. crying at the slightest things.

just a bit of fright and poof..

rain.

i remember when i was in primary school, daddy had to go to switzerland for 4 days. i cried so badly at the departure gates. so dumb.

joanne leave, cry.
kor leave, cry.

once, bryan and i were swimming at night. then he didnt want to go up yet after a while. so i went up first. i took the lift, then when i reached level4, i stepped out.

i rang the doorbell and then he tapped me on the back without noise. i got i fright. i mean like i would not have expected him to run up 4 storeys just to catch up with me and tap me on the back. like i took less than 5 seconds to step out of the lift and ring the doorbell. i wouldnt expect him to appear all of a sudden.

i cant describe it but yea. i got one mighty shock and within seconds, i started crying. so much so that, even after mummy tried to console me, and reprimand bryan, which took about a minute or two, i was still crying.

rargh. dumb girl.

then today i was concentrating on my amaths question when liyun came up behind me and clashed the cymbals beside my ear. oh btw, she's in band if you were wondering. ( thus the access to cymbals) but anyway, beef captured everything on her eye cam.

after liyun clashed the cymbals, she went," oh. cheryl is going to cry. did you see her shocked expression?"

true enough, tears started to form and streak down my face but i found it a wee bit funny so i was like laughing at the same time. sorta like mixed emotions. haha. funny.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this is another journey in my life where the road is not smooth but strewn with rocks and glass.

dad is not in a good mood and i am in the mood to answer his remarks. so because he cant out talk me most of the time, he gets crazier after everytime i oppose.

bryan is trying to be cool as mature as well, so he is trying to refuse to lend me his guitar. doing things that he thinks would make him grown up. well, all i can say is that he kinda sucks at these. oh but he has the same stubborness and bravery every guy has. like he is super patient, waiting for me to fall into his traps. and his eyes are mighty powerful as well. once he spots a loophole, he dashes for it, and he kinds loops you as well, not giving and space to back out or move forward. and he can insist you do things that are totally not polite. like he doesnt have a clue what embarassment is and what courtesy is.

whatever la. anyway, mum is not say the best as well.

yea. i am sorta at to blame for things as well.

so yea. the rocks and glass strewn cement road.

oh yea.. i realised how much a smile could do. like if you say the same sentence with and without a smile, it would be very different and the person receiving the sentence would feel totally different.

example..

" alright.. i'll give it to you...here.. blah blah ( and the person gives you some information you want) blah blah. sorry, i have a lot of work to do now.."

now how would that feel? sorta guilty? sorry? regretful?

then imagine the same person saying the same thing, but instead, with smile.

" alright.. i will give it to you...here.. =) blah blah
( information given) blah blah.. sorry, i have a lot of work to do now =) "

i would definitely not feel guilty. i would feel happy and all...

yea. so people. smile. =)

racial harmony day. i got a pink/purple/silver and a bit of gold saree.

i love it!! so nice. but so wierd wearing it. like as if you just wrapping cloth around you. 6 metres of cloth.

in the morning one indian teacher wore it for me. she made it super tight i almost suffocated.

then i went back to the classroom and redid it by myself. actually, jopps did most of it. i just stood there. after a while i realised my saree was on the wrong way.

soon, the saree was dropping. like when i walked i had to hold it up. then michelle brought me to jeanne's classroom to do it.

did the saree correctly then went for recess.

the whole day super tired. slept through english . then the free periods when the teacher didnt come in, ( no social studies test , everyone happy).. supposed to do work but i went to meet zhou gong for a serious meeting.

the the whole day sian. work and work. siao la. oh, then on the way home i felt a lot of stress, think too much, it was also raining. then i suddenly couldnt breathe properly. gasping for air.
whatever la.


oh crap. i just realised how bad my blog is. so much singlish and incomplete sentenses. heck. edit later.

read other people's blog and found out more about her. i thought she was nice, she was ok. i thought she was skinny and taller than me and had nice clothes.

then i realised she was more than that. like she flirts. but i dun want to not like her. i think i am just jealous cos she got to hang out more with hIm than me. but then again, i am one step ahead. now he is like mine.

wait. i shouldnt be jealous in the first place. i feel so mean and bad. rargh.

yesterday. joanne back already. nicole and i gave her the card and earings. nicole makes nice earings. and i am still waiting for her parents to allow her earholes. purposely gave her earings. cos joanne would definitely tell her parents we gave earings and maybe her parents would finally allow her earholes. so from now on i am gg to give joanne earings. ahaha..

halfway through games, kor kor came to find me. then he told me that he was leaving. i thought kor was leaving later so i was not mentally prepared. all i could do then was to give him a hug and a handshake. then i continued playing.

either the truth didnt sink in yet or i didnt believe him that he was gg off so soon. then later when i went out of the sanctuary to find him i couldnt. then the truth sank in. kor was gone.

i walked to the place where i cried the week before and i cried again. nicole jie was there for me. i didnt have to tell her anything. she knew what was on my mind.

after tm, went to eat dinner and study at toa payoh long johns silver.

at home, i chatted on the house phone and left my handphone in the other room. i was having fun chatting. then when i returned to my handphone, i saw 2 missed calls. kor tried to call me before he left. he tried to call me twice. but i was busy having fun chatting. then i cried the second time. i tried calling him but his phone was turned off already.

i smsed him. asking him to return to singapore immediately. asking him for the impossible.

i blame myself for not keeping my handphone with me. so many people have already told me to keep my phone with me in case someone wants to contact me. i didnt know i missed kor so much. like the last time he went away i didnt cry so much.

kor, you made me cry. how are you gg to make up for my tears?

its been a sucky day for me. smiled very little today. i feel so bad.

morning, found out i forgot to bring my physics practical book to school. so called home a few times.

at 8, got my physics practical from the general office. i was so happy i almost cried. haha. thanks a lot to my daddy and mummy.

later then found out that the practical today was worth 10% of ca physics marks..

recess, shared the russels peter jokes with mors, rach, beef, jos and audrey. laughed like crazy. especially the indian accent one.

"eh man.." one indian man said to another in a bar." arent we....coool?"
"dont we sound really.... hip???"

haha. his jokes really made us crack.

had double a math and double maths. one after the other. really can kill you.

got back my maths results already. this part changed my day.

i got 14/20 with is barely a2. what is this crap la. and i am like below average.. stupidd. then the rest of my clique got higher than me i think. rach scored full marks la. like what the...

from then on, my day went bad. even when i got back my chinese paper and lao shi changed my marks. from 33.5 to 35.5 upon 50. a2...
oh yea. today is daddy's birthday. and i have to mug on the idpw project. do a report and a slide show by today. thats rather impossible. but then again, God brought me my physics practical. so he can definitely help me finish my idpw. ok. have to start work.

today in school, played volleyball for pe. fun fun fun!! we formed groups of 6 then split 3,3. 3 against 3. then the net was a piece of read and white striped corden-area thing. you know...

played for a very long time. fun!! then mrs teo taught our group like much more then the rest la. private tuition. she taught us how to play the game.

after the bell rang, she let us continue but called the rest of the class back. after a while i found out she wanted the whole class to watch us play. we were having fun la. keeping the ball off the ground and over to the other side. fun!!!!

after pe was other lessons. i forgot to bring my a maths notes. so i just wrote everything on fulscap. luckily mrs soh didnt see haha..

geog test. i studied and had so much to write. like everytime i thought of another point i wrote at the side so that i didnt forget it. 4 questions half an hour. madness la.

got back chinese test results. lao shi said the class did very very very very very badly. like half the class failed. haha. i got 33.5 out of 50. b3. crap la. but highest in my clique already. not elaborating more. oh.. but then halfway through the checking she realised there were some mistakes in her marking and a lot of people rejoiced. haha. more marks actually. i got more marks. so i think became a2.

miss kang said the maths paper was very well done. full marks here and there. but can only get the paper back tmr. rargh!! i want to see how i fared. hope i did very well. term 3 must be like super good. to make up for term 1. term 2 made up a bit only. if i do very well, i can roughly gauge my final results since 3 terms= 60%.

handed up my maths file today. a lot of corrections undone. crap. there goes my assessment marks. hmmm...

the geog presentation went well and i want to know how much i got. the pts is not updated yet!!

need to finish my idpw project. poor me has to do like almost everything. rargh!

youth day is over. i really enjoyed myself. went out to study with nicole, mella, justin. if i didnt go out to study. i wouldnt have studied at home. seriously. thank God for friends who asked me out to study.

until now it seems so wierd calling people in tm, those older than me, by their names. i mean like i have been brought up to call everyone older than me like korkor or jiejie. so when i just joined tm, i was having problems controlling my tongue in case i accidentally say it. now, not so much but i still call some people like amy tan 'amy jie'. or like 'adele jie', or christina lim just 'jie'.

of course i have some kors too. but not naming them.

actually, like almost all the poeple in tm older than me are my kors and jies. just that some i call some i dun call. but i have decided to start calling all with jies and kors at the back. well. start trying la.

i think i am lazy. i dun want to continue with my idpw project. =p i think if i grouped with people i like better, click better, then more work would be done. but, this idpw thing is to train us to work with people you are not familiar with or dun really like. so i guess no choice la.

somehow i am not looking forward to tm as much. i mean like not looking forward much to the program but looking forward just to see the people. oh well. hang in there a while more.

went to batam. 4 days.

day 1. met at harbourfront very punctually at 8.
on the way there, got huiru to get me a packet of hair pins. then i found out that so many people went to buy that small packet of pins for me. so touched!!

in the ferry, all the youths had to occupy the 2nd deck. so poor me strongly carried all luggage up by myself. sat with nicole. i was like super scared. dun ask me why. almost cried. and a lot of people came to comfort me. nicole got some sweets from dunno where. amy jie came over 2 -3 times. maria and cheryl gave me a card and sweets. ian came over once. liz came over once. i felt so loved.

went out to the deck for fresh air. felt much better.
saw andrew chia. just came back from canada. didnt see sarah and jonathan though. sarah is nice. she reminds me of one of the covenant players this year, also sarah.

indonesia. took bus to lunch. but on the way stopped like 2 times to buy stuff. didnt buy anything.
at lunch. ate like only 3 dishes and a soup although there were 6 dishes and soup.

dish one. snails. the tour guide said it was something called gong gong. whatever.
bravely ate half. haha. i bet i was the minority that tried the snail.
ate fish and deep fried calamari.

didnt eat
- CHILLI crab
- prawns
- spicy vegetables

after lunch, went to this mall. shopped a bit. bought a pair of earings. then shopped at the supermarket. met nicole there so we shopped together.

bought 10 packets of instant noodle. 6 small boxes of breakfast cereal. 2 boxes of sweets. blah blah.
paid for all. nicole paid me back later.

on the bus, sat with clarice. this little girl, sarah, 4, kept coming up to us and kris and vinna in front of us. so cute la. i remembered taking care of her a few times when she was small in cradle roll in church. i had duty every 3rd week. i was p6 i think. and sarah remembered me too..!!! too bad kris' youngest brother christopher didnt. or maybe he did, but he didnt like reply. he was too shy. haha.

at harris resort. found nicole waiting for me. our room, 1 super king size bed. like huge. unpacked and ate noodles in our room for dinner. went down for surmon. sat front row. front row is nice.

sat front row for the whole camp, and its always the same few people sitting front row.
freddy boey is a very good speaker. talked about loving God and all. funny guy. captivating.

played 1 game. is the winning sweets game. not supposed to say yes and no. and supposed to ask questions. won 2 sweets. i asked people if they loved God and if they loved me. haha.

and because our team comprising of
chris chia and teo, andrew chia, j low, eliel, moses, ming xuan, amy jie, avelyn, maria, sarah wong, venessa and angel,
we 'won' top 3 prizes. together with 2 other 'winning' youth teams, we were given the privilage of doing an item for aloha night. i think they just played the game for fun and then just made 3 youth teams come up with items cos the adult team sitting behind my team won more sweets than my team.
cheat my feelings.. rargh..

at night after surmon, in hotel room, nicole made me another 2 packets of instant noodles. haha. cos didnt eat much for the 1st two meals of the day. i bet nobody would believe me. haha. me, who cannot even finish 3/4 a packet of chicken rice ate 3 packet of noodles?? oh. one of the noodle packets was small. so count i ate 2 half to 3 half.

slept quite late. had dance practice and learnt the mass dance. yi min is a good partner. but felt like wierd.. he is younger than me
but taller...not fair la.

2nd day, woke up at 8. and breakfast was from 8 to 9. spent about half an hour waking nicole up. woah. same as waking bryan up for school everyday. =))

freddy boey's surmon was as expected, captivating. discussion time, was also funny. duh, with all the funny funny people. i realised my group liked the sweets i bought. the silver tiny balls of sweets for cake decos..

lunch was ok. but didnt eat much.
team building games. i was looking forward to playing with my group. but they had to reshuffle everyone. so avelyn and i were the only 2 girls in team 2 comprising of kelvin leong, ian, yi min, 3 adults, us two girls, james lieu, jeremy. one of the adults was a lady but she didnt feel well and dropped out half way.

1st game. jacuzzi search. had to go in to the pool that was up to the diaphram. blindfolded, had to pick out items. and we could not put our heads into the water. i paired up with avelyn and we had to pick out 2 landyards. we got it like super fast. i picked one she picked one. this game we had to like listen to the voices of the team players. so very difficult la. but we were rather fast. next i paired up with ian, i picked out 2 pebbles, he picked 2.

our team had to pick out stuff like bra straps, knifes, chopsticks, landyards, pebbbles and 5 cent coins.

we got stuck at the 5 cent coins. hello. nobody could pick it out la. so thin. the toes cannot pick it up.

but we still won. heehee.

next game, something like the eagle catch chick game. just that the eagle had to catch the tail fixed on to the last person and the last person was blindfolded.

our team won. we caught once. poor bryan was the other team's tail. and kelvin pounced on him. poor thing.

the head of the other team kept trying to break me and avelyn up. so he kept like trying to hug me. yuck.. gross gross gross gross gross.

3rd game, we had to pass to this other side of this minefield. is like minesweeper boxes made of rafia strings up to the butt high. so we had to like jump. the were bombs everywhere. cannot touch the livewire rafias.. blah. touch, then had to restart.we got over first. but the station master said we touch the livewire twice so we got 10 points when the other team got 10 pionts as well. this game really had to jump and jump..grace teo's team could jump man..

4th game, bowling. each person bowled one frame and because we had only 7 people left, kelvin, avelyn and i bowled twice. girls get double points if we lost or something la. so we didnt need the double points. although cheryl tan's team was mostly girls, they cannot get maximun points. hee.

5th game we had to go in 3s, use only 3 chopsticks to pick out pieces of puzzle, then bringing it back to base one by one. we could not get out of the skipping rope circle. so travelling was...and every 2 pieces brought back we had to change players... we won by a mile since grace loke's team got wrong pieces and had to bring it back, wasting time.

last game was blindfolded soccer. everyone was blindfolded and 5 people played at one time. so i just shouted directions. 1st half, we scored 3 goals. second half, we lost 3 goals so it was a draw. then penalty shoot out, we won. haha. avelyn scored the winning goal. girls can play soccer!! we kinda ROCKK!!

so at the end of the day, our team got champions. we had like 3 huge bags of goodies to share. each person had to get help carrying the stuff up to our rooms.

went swimming after that. water polo with the guys. since only liz debbie and i were the only girls, each goal we scored was double. my team comprised of chris chia and teo, eliel, ian, clement, uncle robert and some more people i not sure who. but i stood at the goalpost, whenever someone passed the ball to me i just tried to score. scored 2 goals = 4 points. still, the other team had the 2 girls..2 girls= more power, so at the end, our team lost by 2 points.

dinner was again, instant noodles, surmon was about loving the church, unity in the church and how unity can save more people and stuff like that. disscussion was short. too short. oh. and our aloha night item was the parable of the lost sheep.

slept like 4 plus. was doing the grass skirts for aloha night together with the dancers in kris' room.

3rd day, nicole woke me up. haha!!
surmon again, then discussion.

then we discussed how to do the item for aloha night..

story- on whakiki island, there were a lot of palm trees. all the members except me and andrew went up and they just showed their palms, like pressing on a wall at different points. of course, they were moving.

there were also crabs, so this part, i went up, and blended in with the palm trees turned crabs..

along came a monkey -andrew. and crabs ate ahem..brownies and monkey made brownies. so the crabs fought for the brownies the monkey threw. because one crab was too small - me, she could not get any. so she ran away from the rest to find brownies from elsewhere.

along came the surfer dude cum sheperd. christopher chia aka chrisurfer. he lost one crab and had to find the lost crab. so he ran around trying to find the crab. high low high low...then he needed to go to the toilet. to make..ahem..brownies.

halfway through his business, he felt a sharp pain in his butt.
and there!! in the toilet bowl!! was the lost crab!! together with crap. =p

he saved the crab and took it home. then suddenly, he had an urge for CHILLI CRAB. so guess who he ate. yuck...

end of story.

after group discussion for the item, had some free time, about 20 minutes, before getting ready for the dance. sat by the poolside watching people swim. i wanted to play polo again but no time. stupid. then after bathing, went to gracie's room.

she had a surprise for us. she told us since the beginning of camp that there wazs gonna be a surprise but refused to tell us. then when i went to her room, found out that the surprise was pizza!!!!!! yaysie! i was so happy. but i ate only one slice...

after that, we went to the stage for dry run. but i got so wet perspiring. so tempted to bathe again.

back in gracie's room, we did make up and hair.
everyone looked so good, so 'prom', except me. i looked ugly and fat. yucky. but gracie did a nice job with our hair. i liked it though i couldnt see the back of my head.

we went down like late. at 7.. sat with ian, ate and drank a bit. the whole time at the table he kept stoning, then unstonning, then telling me how awesome the guitarist was... farnie guy...

soon gracie took over ian's place. and then since our dance was the first item, we panick a bit la. but overall, it was ok. the energy level was higher than before. by lots.

after dance straightaway changed into f.b.ts for our group item. i was still soaking wet then had to go on stage for the lost crab skit. haha.

the skit was mostly impromptu. but it was awesome..everyone was full of live and brave..to act like retarded crabs. haha.. FUNN!!!!!

after the skit, a few more games and blah. then mass dance.
yi min and i,
kris and bryan,
alden and clarice,
jeremy and vinna,
avelyn and ivan teo,
grace and kelvin,
sharon with jerome, we all danced once for everyone. then yi min and i had to explain how to move to uncle david and his wife. plus some other people. haha. pastor celeste kept looking at us dance too. haha. very fun, but quite embarassing at the beginning.

after aloha night, we still went up stage to do the dance. and andrew and 'her girly' gang also went up to 'dance'.. entertainment la. haha.

after that, nicole liz and i went to the pool side to watch show and relax. the guys were doing the tradition. like every last night of the camp, they would sing making melodies facing the pool.. i remember only 2 years ago there were only 4 people doing the tradtion. this year so many people..

sarah, ivan teo, me, maria, cheryl tan and avelyn were lying on the deck, chatting. then maria wanted to take pictures with me but i was like in a mess. my hair was all up and there were still orchid in my hair, all gelled up. not nice. so i told her to wait till i bathed. after i bathed i ended up playing and chatting with j low, andrew, yi min, joel chong, jerome, bryan, jazreel, clarice, kris and nicole. kris and nicole slept halfway.

then andrew taught me how to play bloody knuckles. haha.

is like spinning a coin, taking turns to flick it, like using third finger and thumb. cannot make it stop. make it stop, pay the price. push your knuckles on the ground hard and back it with the other hand. then the winner can flick it hard towards the knuckles. andrew won so many times but he cannot flick hard and his sense of directions is not say the best so j low didnt get hurt. haha. oh yea. why did i say j low didnt get hurt? because... when i played with andrew, i win he take my blow, he win, j low takes my blow!!. heehee.. poor andrew's knuckles bled but he said the coin must be thinner so more blood and that he didnt bled enough. siao.

after that, we played the knuckles version of the slapping game. instead of slapping the hands of your opponent, you rapped the knuckles. haha. a bit sadistic but quite funny at the same time. andrew has funny espressions. and he dunno how to hit hard. so he kept getting hit. hard. haha.

after andrew and j low went back to their room, joel and the rest played true or dare but i dun like this game much so i sat out together with yimin, who didnt like this game much either.

then more people went to sleep so we went down to the canteen. the breakfast was like half ready. so yimin took some cereal and shared. haha.

4th day, nicole had difficulty waking up again. haha. so we had 10 minutes to eat breakfast. didnt finish breakfast as usual. ian was all," FINISH YOUR BREAKFAST!!" at me.. =p still didnt finish it la. heehee..

testimonies.left halfway cos i was feeling uncomfortable. ran up to the room, sprayed myself with steaming hot water, waited for nicole to come back. slept a while after she was back..then went down for lunch and boarded the bus to the ferry terminal.

on the ferry, i started playing the knuckle games then all of a sudden, everyone was playing too. i wasnt afraid even when the ferry swayed lots.
=))

played the slapping game with many people but enjoyed myself the most when i played with ian. he wanted to play if its a draw then both can slap but both can retreat as well. for many times in a row, i kept winning and slapping his hands immediately. haha. and the people onloking had fun laughing as well. i think ian was rather shocked as well. haha. he was like," how did you know i was going to put this..??"

then we went out to the deck to play cos it was getting crowded inside. but then people started following us too. so we played a while, then change to the knuckle knocking game. then whenever he turned his fists perpendicular, i retreat, so kena penalty knock. 5 times in a row i got knocked. stupid. and since there were people watching us play, they knew my weakness. then when i played with joash, he kept using the same trick against me. and he kept laughing. rargh!! lucky for me ian and joash we 'gentlemen' and did not bear to knock me hard. haha.

then i played bloody knuckles wiht andrew in the middle of the deck. and people were watching. couldnt find j low, so nobody helped me.. although i lost a few times, andrew's sense of directions was not say exellent. haha. so didnt get hurt.

then after a while played the knuckles knocking game with andrew. he is the only guy that doesnt give chance to girls la. whack means whack. haha.

played pig and heart attack with the tm people then went inside to watch bryan and nicole play speed. poor bryan was so slow and nicole was so fast, bryan had like 7/8 of the deck in his hands haha.

then i went back to my seat. and along came someone who sat with me for the rest of the journey talking and playing with me. had a lot of fun. throwing m&ms and all. haha. kah mun in front of us sponsored the huge bag of m&ms. poor kah mun. her m&ms were almost gone so fast. loads of fun. throw here throw there. i wore his sunglasses for pretection. i think i looked cool man... whatever la.

back in singapore. cleared immigrations. daddy picked me and bryan up. nicole and ian were in front of us for like half the journey home. our cars were never 10 metres away. haha. so cool. then we kept trying to over take their car. finally overtook them..whatever.

at home. ate a huge dinner then slept. dreamt of m&ms. whatever la. farnie dream..

i wish camp wasnt over!!! i want more!!

changed rooms with bryan. so now i have the larger room. yay!! packing it is tough though..i think my room is nice. but not pink enough. or maybe not s pink as before...

changed my email to still_a_child@hotmail.com yea. so no more cheryl_hoe@hotmail yea..
so add me!!

drama is over. nicole made some last minute changes so i had this whole chunk of lines at 11 am. the drama was t 4. normally, people have like a week or at least a day to memorise lines.

it went horrible. there wasnt enough excitement. sure, many parts made people laugh, but the message was stoppy. i screwed everything up. lucky people thought everything was intentional. but i thought i gave a bad impression to the people from the another church cos they came down to visit. aw crap.

nevermind, since i acted as this confused, frustrated girl with lots of problems and dont know how to solve them, forgetting lines on stage and going something like," i...i.. i dunno what to do, i..i.. i think..." fitted in. hee!!

the worst part of the drama was when kris went," ian chew from our church??" and the audience laughed for a whole half a minute. it felt like eternity and i couldnt continue until they ended. my face was like beetroot red.

dinner time, ian walked pass me and went," hi girlfriend!"

i replied," hey boyfriend!"
so fun!! but it should be not for him i guess. since nicole said it was her revenge cos he kept bulling her or something. i dunno la.

finished learning the dance. the whole dance. happy!! hee.
the drummers came up halfway to see us and they learnt like bits here and there.

got the tickets to the acjc dance concert. cant wait.!!!

sec 3 camp is over. so fast. and it wasnt as exciting as i expected it to be. but one really cute instructor made up for it! haha. ok la. i think pinwei or watever his name is is funny. thats all.

1st day. visited the school for the visually handicapped. did some vioce recording for the 'person in charge' there. half the class did office work, half went to the classrooms. i wanted to see the classrooms but nvm.

4 girls cut shapes out of cardboard, 3 typed something i dunno wat and 1 read out some stuff for ms chong to type in braille. i did the voice recording. so cool. means i left my mark there. haha. wadeva la.

after recording a few exercises, i went to the canteen and went to look at the classrooms. yay!! heehee. oh yea. and the people there thought i was from raffles. is that a compliment??

the classrooms are surprisingly small. the size of my bedroom. that is small. but i think it should be considered big already since in the first place. there were not many students there.

1 discovery. although the students there are not as bright, but they have talent. dickson, this small cute guy, could play the piano. i thought that was great.

after visiting the canteen adn classrooms, we, the pl people, went to the hall to rehearse what we were gonna perform. some songs. yea.

so we did sings some songs. all christian songs. then i led in some games. michelle did lead here and there but most of the time, she was like ' not there'. still, michelle did a lot to prepare. she prepared all the sentences for the message game, and all. and she called me so many times to ask me what to do. means she really does care about what she was doing. i take my hat of her man. i think. michelle is really mature. i think.

we played the message game, pass the parcel, which was more like ' throw my a maths textbook'. someone borrowed my book and i went home before she returned it so i had to bring it along.

pass the parcel really shocked me. cos the parcel person had to share name, age and a favourite. the students might seem small, but they were not young. if you know what i mean.

yea..and we did hokey pokey which turned out really fun. i guessed everyone had fun.

lunch was not say very good, but nevermind.

newater plant was the other side of singapore so i slept the journey.
i filled in most of the worksheet before we did the tour so most of the tour i didnt write anything. i learnt alot there. all the processes and stuff. newater is really cool...yea...

God is really intelligent. to come up with all these modern technology. without Him, there would not be any of these. hee..

on the bus to east coast, where were were supposed to do another 1 and a half hours picking litter for cip, i went through the worksheet answers with the class.

at east coast, beef and i took a bag and picked up everything we saw. haha. expect the unmovables. we got some really heavy stuff.
slacked long time. with like a lot of classmates and the instructors. haha. all i can say is pinwei or whatever his name is is really funny, he has ultra sharp features and likable. all his poses....

took class picture he was behind me and celina. and then one photo he whacked me on the head, cause my mouth to open. the photographer, yi zhang, exclaimed to us my mouth was huge. stupid la. so we took another one.

1st day no need to camp out. went home to sleep.

2nd day, kayaked. jos and me had lots of fun. we carried alot of kayaks. did a lot of demos and volunteered to capsize. and all.

dinner was great. eggs and veg and fish. i gave my veg in return for eggs. nice meal man.

did preparations for campfire night item.

slept in a tent with rachel, michelle, audrey and jos.

at 4 am, it rained. i was asleep but woke up instantaneously.

packed the shoes and stuff, slept a while sitting up. the rain came in a bit. lucky not much. i heard other tents had their own swimming pool and stuff. some even commented tsunami was in singapore. haha. as expected, didnt sleep much.

3rd day, had to walk a distance before reaching the nearby toilet to wash up. the cement track we were near, that led us to the toilet, was crawling with earthworms. gross 143 times.

long ones, short ones, dead ones, live ones, fast ones, slow ones...there were even crabs. cos the other side of the track was the beach.
guess what was for breakfast.

mee tai mak. i didnt a single bit of it.

orienteering. using the compass and map was basically common knowledge. we just walked a few hundred km to one point, find a password stuck to a wall, then go to the next point.

4 points before lunch, 4 after. did 3 before lunch. wanted to finish but gave up. other groups did only 1 so its ok.

on the way to lunch point, our group met pinwei's group!!!! heeee.
the following 2km didnt seem so tiring. anyway, it was already consider short distance. compared to what we had covered.

lunch was western. nice. but dry. fried fish, fries, cold slaw that wasnt cold, baked beans. ate everything except the fries. we gathered all the fries and gave it to pinwei. pig.

after lunch, the instructors decided every group do 2 points and return to camp so that we could bathe first, to not cause a jam when the other people doing other couses came back to bathe.

we did ours really quickly, had some hours to spare. then slacked for a while before taking mrt back. luxury. ours was mrt and secretly, chocolates and sweeets. other groups' luxury was macs and stuff la. so actually, each group could have a luxury.hee. yvonne, the instructor taking us, even bought the group a pack of gummies. heehee. she didnt know we bought other stuff when she bought the gummies.

anyway, we reached the campsite first. got to bathe in the chalet. the teachers got rooms plus the chalet gave our school some free ones just for us to bathe in. yay!! cold drinking water was already considered luxury not mentioning bathing in a chalet.
we needed an adult to be in the room with us when we used the room so we waited for a while. then wei chuen, this other cute instructor, volunteered to help. we didnt allow him to of course. pervent. haha. kidding.

campfire. our item was really last minute but it went well. compared to other classes' item. i practically slept through some. and the fire kept getting smaller. haha.

slept well. yay.

last day. games. super super fun. 1 person knock down 3 bottles then 3 people can bounce a ballon back, then 6 people can transfer water to fill up a bottle, then 9 people can do this this this, then 12 people can do that that that, then 14 people can carry 1 girl back to starting point, then 18 people can walk back with only 6 limbs on the ground, then 18 people can do this that this, then 21 people can play memory games before 1 person carry the flag back to starting point.

ending point
---------------------------
memory game point
---------------------------
18 people point
--------------------------
15 people point
------------------------
12 people point
---------------------
9 people point
----------------------
6 people point
--------------------
3 people point
----------------------
1 person point
------------------
starting point
-------------------

this is a rough layout. yea. our class cheered screamed and all, and we cheated a bit but so did the rest. then when rachel opened the last 2 cards of memory game and forgot to bring the flag back, i did it for her. haha.

went home, drank cold water, bathed and slept.

went to school 3 times today.
2nd time to hand in chemistry file and bring back all the other books i was unable to carry the 1st round home.

3rd round after tuition, had to hand in compo book since i forgot to bring it the 2nd time.

tired. audrey came over for tuition. we are now having tuition together at my house. 2 advantages. cheaper. and now i have a friend. more fun. hee!!

after tuition, sir johnny sent audrey and i to school, then to macs to buy food, then home. wat a great teacher!! ahaha..

but thanks to audrey's fantastic sense of directions, by the time we reached my house after macs, i finished all the nuggets expect 1 and half the milo. hey that IS a feat ok..

used the computer for a long while. then went to the field , ran 3 rounds. that is 1800 km. not good. then played a lot of table tennis with audrey. i have a sudden liking to table tennis. haha! maybe i miss it too much.

but i like the skill and the ability to play part, not the school team part. i felt left out, i felt lousy and unwanted. doesnt matter now, cos i am in eldds!! yay! but somehow, things have started to change. i was excluded in the planning of the sec 4 farewell. a bit pissed. but nvm.

tmr is the last day of school!! yay! cross country competition on friday, holiday on monday, then camp for the rest of the week!! hee!! poor sec 2 and 1..1 more week for them. haha!!

i still cant believe i am in the cross country competition. haha. i mean, i bet i will like just die on the way or something. haha. kidding la.

i feel bored, full, and tired. i feel like dancing, dancing, dancing the night away...

"if you think you're the best..THINK AGAIN..there are so many ppl better than you..YOU're the worst!"

that was exactly what she said.
it was directed at me. i know. even though she didnt say it was me.
cos it cannot be at anyone else.

we mailed each other a lot recently. and we talked about our 'teams'.

i suck. i am the worst.
i lose. i always lose.
i am stupid. i scored 72 for maths not because of my hard work.
not because i studied. not because i practiced so much.
it is because the teacher was lenient.

she is always right. i am always wrong.
without her, we would do wrong things. it would be chaos.havoc.
we cannot do without her.

she said she was tired. what about me?
so am i. tired of everything. except God, church, dance, drama.
this is my life.

so far, yet so lethal. so destructive.

she knows who she is.she knows this is for her.
she will say that it was for another person.
dont lie anymore. i hate it. denial and more denial.

holidays are coming.

i scored 72 for maths. i am so happy.
60 plus for geog. mm. nvm. i scored 50 plus in term 1 haha.
i want more results!!

camp is coming. gonna bunk with morz, rach, audrey and jos. beef sacrificed herself and bunked some other people. mm. our clique is split. nvm. choose tents that are nearer la.

taking kayaking and high rope course. i think. cant remember if its kayaking and high ropes or kayaking and orienteering. whatever la. can have taken 1 star canoeing. but whole camp on canoe no fun. must try more things. haha. i am bringing some cds along. so that if the campfire item has got to do with movements, i can be of help. ha. i hope i can la..

i am kinda jealous of partner and jos and the few others in my class who have labtops. they can save work there, save presentations in there and bring the whole thing. so cool. O well. guess i have to wait till i am old enough for mum to recognise my need of a labtop. for now, she doesnt see any need.

i kinda feel sad. dunno why. i feel poor and misarable, looked down upon and small, useless and an outcast, unwanted and uncared for. i feel weak.
i feel sorta angry. buut have no strength to speak up.

i want to be included. people snub me. people never include me into things. they plan without me. they settle a date when i cannot go. i tell them so, but they dont hear me. they put me into something i know nuts about.i cannot raise my voice. i want to close my eyes.

i am tired. i want to walk away. but how can i when they are my 'team'?
they dun care, they leave everything to me. there are so many examples. she, L, is supposed to set an example for everyone else. but she does the opposite. the people have voted wrongly.

when i dance, when i act, when i sing, i forget everything. i like that feeling.

i like that kind of feeling.

dun treat me like this, putting yourself at a sorry level, making me guilty. but i have done nothing. he framed me. he used my name. i hope one day you can read it, and understand.

cheryl, try look on the bright side, no matter how dim the light can be. there must be a light, somewhere, only you havent seen it.

dun close your eyes, no matter how tempting it might be.

be happy. be happy.