what in the world is happening to me?

now i hate my parent??

now i think they dont love me?

is this the work of the devil?

now my parents arent willing to buy stuff for me. in the past, even things i dont need that much they would get it. now, they are only willing to get the cheapest stuff for me. not willing to spend more than 20 plus for my 2 pairs of shorts.

what is wrong with getting two pairs of shorts for me?

only a few more dollars. not as if i am going to wear it for once. good material can last for long. but not good material can last for less than a year.

a pair of not so good shorts = $ 20

wash for some time, worn out. use for home wear. time taken - 4 months.

a pair of good shorts = $ 40

wash for sometime. i like to wear, so wash for more times. not worn out since its good material.
time taken - more than 2 years.

isnt it more worth it?

i tell you the truth. i already on the verge. please dont make me do stuff you will regret. just for the 2 pairs of shorts.

never ever threaten me with my freedom. never. you would wish you didnt. you never know what will happen. dont force me.

i want too many things. am i not fir to be a christian?

i want to go to heaven, i want faith, i want a blessed life, i want to live well.

i want to lead, i want to stand out, i want this, i want that.

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all these is too much. ene is right. eternal happiness overshadows temorary happiness.
eternal happiness is much better than temporary happiness.

so it doesnt matter i live like a pig, like a beggar now.

it doesnt matter if i look like a child from low income family, it doent matter if i dress in old, clothes worn a thousand times. it doesnt matter if i am dirty.

all it matters is i go to heaven.

i want to believe this.

but its so difficult. so so difficult.

whatever the outcome, thanks ene, for tagging.

for now, just let me finish crying. let me finish punishing myself. then, let me live in misery. so that i can go to heaven.