already said i need to get two pairs of sports shorts. for my own use.
be it camps or daily life, i still need it. so i try to get it as comfortable as possible, and as nice as possible.

but why. why do they have to make life so difficult?

i looked at other brands and other shorts but they are not as nice. i saw adidas and nike. i saw that they were nice, and comfortable. so i ask for it.
i like the material, i like the design. others i have seen. but i hate them. so why force me to wear those i hate?

i feel good if i look good. i feel good then i will perform better.
give me cheapo shorts, i feel lousy, obviously i wont do as well.

ok, lets say i go for the tick and the three stripes. but so what? its only what.. a few more pieces of paper.

why is it so expensive? its good, thats why its expensive. if it is not good, do you think it will be so expensive?

have you ever thought i might not go for the brand? even if its fila, i dont want, cos i dont feel comfortable in them.

forget it. whatever i say, you wont buy them for me. life is like that isnt it?

exams are over, the results are out, scold me for my results. fine, they are all over. now its the holidays. why still make me cry?

i dont understand. i really dont understand.. if only they were younger, then they will understand. the pressure on me when i see the rest of them, all doing better than me, all wearing better then me. but i, forget it.

why threaten me by saying you wont allow me to go for other camps if it is so difficult? why?
why threaten me in the first place? is that you way of doing things?

ok, i might be going to camp to suffer, so i try to make it as comfortable as possible when i am suffering. why make it worse? why make me feel worse?

you, might have been from npcc. but not me. i cannot be as rugged as you. i cant wear the same thing twice without washing. i am clean. thats me. you like to wear the same pair of shorts for two days of exercise without washing, thats you. i am not you.

why am i writing all these anyway? not as if you care enough to read. even though i might have given you my address. yea. you are busy. you are always busy.

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why do i want those two pairs of shorts? why cant you just get them for me?
why make life so difficult? is it so hard to pay some money and make you daughter a bit happy?
i wish i had more time, then i can go out to work by myself, earn myself more money and get what i need.

God? is this part of the period of time in life where things get really down, to grow my faith, to grow my perserverance, to grow my character?

i thought you said something like you would give me enough to handle? isnt this a bit too much for me?

i asked for a stress ball like more than a month ago. but even this small thing, you cant get it for me.. must i wait for christmas for everything? must i wait till my birthday for stuff?

can someone reading this who cares enough for me please please get me the stress ball?
also, more boxes of tissue, and a shoulder for me to lean on?

sometimes i wish i could get a boyfriend too.. i see so many other people having boyfriends who care for them, who accompany them. i see them all happy. yea, sometimes i see them sad, but the happiness is so intense.


i see other people, getting brilliant stuff without trying. because the people around them do.
i look in the mirror, i see a loser. i see a nobody who wants to be somebody, i see someone who trys hard to get stuff, but fail miserably. i see tear stained cheeks, i see red eyes. i see someone fat and ugly.

maybe my punishment isnt harsh enough. i only went down by a kilo. that not enough. now, i cannot aim 40 kg. now i aim 39 kg. ohoh. so sorry cheryl. another 2 more kg to go. start slacking and you will have 3 more kgs to go. relax more and you will have 4 more kgs to go.

you cannot relax cheryl! no more sweets, no more chocolates, no more sweet drinks.

only water, more veg, less meat as possible, no snacks, no biscuits, no titbits. until the day you reach 39 kg.