the first thing my mum wanted when we got home was the report book.
not the dinner, not anything. but the report book.

next, she looks it through and say " hey.. look here. you deproved in this this this this and this. and you only improved in english and a math."

but hey. how can anyone compare between eoy and ca? ca is not even made up of tests but by homework. means we get time to do it. duh i can score higher..

dad opened the report book and went," you see. your teacher said you have to manage your time better."

human nature. parents only see the bad side of their children's reports. no wonder he didnt see the "cheryl is an eloquent girl who expresses her ideas very well. she is enthusiastic about trying new activites." he only saw the ," however, she must remember to manage her time carefully."

when i mentioned about him not seeing the good part. he said that being enthusiastic was a problem. fine. since my parents dont like me being enthusiastic, from now on, i shall not try anything that is new. hmmm. maybe i will just leave all my math questions blank. hey. its new...

when giving us the annual lecture, my blood started to boil. then he said to me that i was one of the lowest in the standard. i nearly blew. but of course, i said in a calm manner that on the contrary, i was one of the top in class and top in the standard for those who do the same subject combinations as me. he paused, flipped open my report book again, read, then kept quiet. hah!
blindly saying stuff.. see.. unfair. in sec 1 and sec 2. i was the lowest in class. duh. being with all the top psle scorers who score something like 270 and above in the best class doesnt help. now add in table tennis. i only got 246. not even special. and they put me int he best class...i dun blame them for this. its in the past.

anyway. dad said i was too sensitive. well. maybe i am. but hey. you cant blame me and made me guilty straighaway.. whatever happened to innocent before proven guilty? with all that i have just been through, i dont need more bad stuff to happen. mum said i have to get used to it cos next time when i grow up and go to work, people are gonna make nasty remarks..

hello. whatever people say i dun care. but if my parents said all the bad stuff.. it means i might be really bad. fine. then i shall live up to the title. of a bad child. oh wait. maybe i should be like my parents. afterall, they are supposed to be role models. so if they are pessimistic, if they only see the bad side and not eh good side of their children. next time i should do the same. just complain on how bad she had done, not even congratulating her for the improvements and telling her how lousy she is, how she can improve, and of course, say stuff that is not even true. even if you are not sure if it is, just say it. like maybe for example, being the lower ones in the standard.

yea sure. my mum did say i did improve a bit and that i did put in effort. but thats all. she tells me next on what i should be getting for the next exams.

----------------------------------------

today, the day when i was hit by 2 tragedies.

no ld president or vice president.
no major role in the film. instead, the lousiest.
no encouragements after parents see report book. just put downs and disencouragements. if there is such a word.

God has a plan, He has a purpose of putting you in all these. He loves you and cares for you. you will know better after sometime, why its like that.

yea. i know. i heard it all. but its now that i am in. and now, i cant see anything. duh i am so upset. but hey. how can you blame me? i am not god.

i went to sentosa today!!! with mich, rj, jops, beef and her sister. then beef's sister's friends, joseph and fiona, came along. fun fun day!

in the morning, jops and i waited for rj who was late as usual at serangoon. met mors and took the sentosa bus at harbourfront.

fooled around in the water playing polo and monkey at siloso till beef came. we took the lone court at the rightest side of the beach.

we ( everyone ) played some nice shots, ate sandwiches, played more.

then joseph, jops, fiona and i took the siloso line to palawan and bought stuff. i bought the mash potatoes at 7 eleven but then it was a bit spicy, so i took 2 bites and donated it to joseph. then i got chocolate ice cream. i wanted to buy water but beefy's sister, samantha, could get top ups free or something since she works as a lifeguard there so i bought fruit tree. man.. all the sugar and fats...we went in and out of 7 eleven buying stuff and then eating them outside, then going back in to get more stuff... finally, finally, we left palawan.

came back to siloso, saw rj and mors play volleyball with sam and this ang moh guy who was rather pro. they said the ang moh was playing volleybal by himself so they played with him. i cant even imagine how someone can play volleyball by him or herself. haha.. maybe just dig and dig...

then i played a match with joseph against jops and mors. we trashed them 21 - 11 then let them catch up until 24 - 20 then we finally played serious and won the last point. haha. giving false hope.. joseph even called jops a weaklingduring the whole game.. haha! jops is like one of the more pro players in school...

anyway, the clouds started coming and filling the sky. i didnt want to play anymore but then rj, beef, sam came in. so i played a while longer.

suddenly i saw a flash and thought it was lightning. i dashed beeline for the small shelter we occupied. then the rest all started laughing at me. they told me to get back into the game cos the flash came from a camera nearby. stupid me la.

i got back into the game till i heard thunder. too bad. this time i didnt go back in. it started to drizzle. then pour. all of them came back in and took shelter. in the distance i saw people still swimming. one word. mad.

there was lightning and thunder. and jops, rachel, mors had to leave of piano lessons and stuff. the showers were about 200 metres away so i refused to leave the shelter. after a long time of disscussion on what to do, they still decided to run in the rain to the showers. all of them all ran already, leaving me behind. i decided to follow.

the whole stretch i ran, i ran as fast as possible, praying and praying for God to protect me. i was so frightened that i thought i was gonna die halfway. seriously. in front of me i see the shelter so near but i had no more strength to run. i thought of giving up alnd falling. man...

in the ladies, i opened my spectacle box and found my shades missing! i searched for my shades but couldnt find!! everywhere, in my bag, every compartment. jops went to find it for me outside but found nothing.

when in the cubicle, i prayed for God to help me find the shades.. then i opened up the spectacle boz and there it was!! miracle! truly miracle!! it wasnt there before and i couldnt have made a mistake since the box was not big, meaning it could not have been in the box but i overlooked or something like that..

back at harbourfront, joined beef, sam, fiona, joseph and mors at subway. just watched. didnt eat. haha. joseph and beef wanted to share their sandwich but i declined. saw pepper on the sandwiches. =P

on the train back to serangoon, beef and i had a nice conversation. sam joined in later when fiona stopped at douby ghaut.

the whole day i was in the sun..even lunch when they sat in the shade, i was eating in the sun.

but yet.. but yet.. after the whole day, people tell me i look no difference. oh man!! how unfair can the world get? people like joanne sit int he sun for 5 mere minutes and they change a shade of brown.

i m feeling rather down now. so i decided to blog about it.

ok how to start?

firstly, i feel like i am being left out of everything. i dont do the things that other people like to do a lot.

for example. its the exam week and everyone should know how much people like to talk about the paper after the exam. i hate the hypocrisy. however you spell it.

i hate it when people who have shown themselves to be very capable in their studies go something like this...

" aiya.. i sure die la!! you know question 3.. i never do part 5.. "

people will start coming into the conversation...

"how to do?? is it bring log to both sides then.... "

"argh!! i got that at first then i thought its the wrong answer!!! i threw the whole paper away!!"

"10 marks leh!! 10 marks!! die la!! i bet i minus ten thousand marks already la!"

" i even worse lor! you know how many questions i didnt do? i left...."

"oh my goodness.. my question 10.. question 10... question 10!!!"

" what answer did you get for that question? its supposed to be..."

" huh!! i got a different answer!!!"

" i already minus 16 marks! cos i never do .... questions....how.. how??"

i would be watching at the side. cos i hate talking about exams. sometimes when they ask me what is my answer or what i would discuss a little. but i really hate post exam chat.. in my mind, i would be greatly distressed and uneasy. cos i also left out... questions and so did the other girl. but she let it all out screaming..gaining "pity" and "sympathy".. whatever it is la...

then there would be a great increase in decibels. then the next door teacher will come into the classroom of students literally screaming," argh!! " and the teacher would go...

" girls. next door is still having their exams. can you all please lower down your volumes??"

but thats another topic. anyway. all these people would start calculating their marks on the board. and they will be like...

" aiya.. forget it la! fail already count for what. i have no points to count la!"

when the exam results are out, they will go..

" see la! my question... what is this lor. so lousy. i only got 20 out of 25 leh! this is crap la! my whole year results gone case already la!!"

and what will i get? i will be the real failure. with like average marks...

== pause ==

i dont want to continue any further.

i know what will cheer me up though..

the thoughts of post exam activities..

although too many activities, but they are all nice.

volleyball training and competition, dramas ( note the plural tense) for safari at pl, filming for the video...( most looking forward to..) mega camp, tm camp, holiday to australia, mob trip!

ok. change subject. now i know when something is wrong with me.

when i feel super down after exam papers.
when i walk out in fellowship at cellgroup. my first.
when when i turn out into the corridor, tears start flowing. but i dun know what i am crying for. i mean like. i dun know what is making me so sad.

when even a slow song can make me think so much.
when my brother just does an action, like telling me i am wrong when i haven even answered half of the iq question he post. turns out i got the answer right.

now, what can make me happier?

i realised my mood swung up after playing with joanne's 5 puppies. i left her house laughing.
maybe some close friends and i hanging out or something.
new stuff. like low belt school uniform..( sorry. these things are not manufactured anymore.)
new clothes or stuff.
barbequing with friend from school or church.
partying with them.
playing with young stuff like babies or animals or something.
the second nicole gets the horrible third picture of her blog. the one that makes me look like a monster( inproportionate face parts) but her like an angel.
the day the person i like asks me out or something.

i dunno la.


dreams.. tmr. no tuition. yes! finally. can wake up naturally. without people waking me up.
this week alone. i had 5 tuitions. from monday to thursday. thats average more than 1 a day. madness.

no wonder i am crazy.