it seems as if all the bad stuff is happening to me. i might not be going on the australia trip, even though i was SELECTED OUT OF THE WHOLE COHORD OF SEC 2 AND 3. mum was like," do you think it is worth it?" or something to that effect. i was like...?!?! huh?! wad do you mean?

then i didnt say more, i just went back to bed to cry. then the second tsunami hit me. mum was like," i dun want you to bunk with angel and huiru. you either bunk with christina or amy tan, cos i dun know huiru."
hello, you dont know chrystal but i bunked with her, a few years ago!!! this is so senseless. i have been talkiong so much about huiru. what is this about not knowing her? must be because everyone was busy NOT listening to me.

rachel wants me to go with her to australia if not she wont go. i already feel so guilty. i dun know how much more guilt i would feel if i really cannot go. dragging rachel down and leaving angel and huiru by themselves.

me.me.me. all the troubles start with me. if there is no me, maybe everything would be better.

the australia trip was supposed to let me be away from my family, spend some time by myself, learn more from the australian schools, see forests and musicals, get to know my friends better, be more independant. if mrs jacob, hod of something, mother of rachel, ENCOURAGES rachel to go, then i think it should be good. right? since a teacher would more better??

i really wanted this chance to be away from my family. but now.. they are going to perth too, so i think this is the reason they most probably wouldnt let me go. but hello? will we be able to go study in australian universities? will i be able to go see musicals and visit some forests, chocolate factories..

now i dont go, maybe next time i would like migrate there and stay there for the rest of my life.haha.

bryan gets to go to shanghai, bryan gets to go for church camp. bryan gets to do things.

i dont get to go to shanghai with my school, i unlikely would be going to australia with my school although i really really would die to go..i most probably would not go for church camp...i cant do anything.

i am a stupid person, living a stupid life, almost everything is stupid. i hate myself.

syf is on monday and i need to get cornrows before tmr's rehearsals but no, mum doesnt want me to go get cornrows now. she doesnt even know what is a cornrow. i spent like an entire 5 minutes explaining. i can do it for you. hello. my mum doesnt even know how to french braid well. " i know you cheryl. you would not be able to sleep, your hair would be very messy after 3 days.." like my mum even know what is my favourite food.. ha ha.. my mum doesnt even know what is cornrow, how would she know if it gets messy??

i need a break, i want to not think about anything for 1 day, one measly day. only one day. and even that cannot happen.

i said already, i dont mind using all my money in the bank to pay for my australia trip expenses if i really need to. i dont understand what is the problem. they wont teach only social studies. this is a humanities trip, so it includes geography, which is highly important.

this is a long week. everyday i cry myself to sleep. but of course not one knows since no one even cares to even bother about me.

you know, all this stress and anger, can make me really rebel if i want to, since i have no place to vent it out.

nothing is going my way.

why cant things be my way? for all you know, maybe it would change me, to become a nicer, more pleasant person. maybe i would be able to study better and all..

every little thing makes me cry. if dying can take away all my sadness, all my anger, all my stress, all my worries, all my fears, all my bad feelings, then just let me curl up somewhere and die a painless death. anyway, it wont matter to anyone, afterall, i am invincible, nothing would be missing in your lives.

be nice to me. please?