Did a really last minute shoot. I was a girl who was dumped.

One scene had me bingeing on ice cream.

The sorrow was real.

The inability to eat was real.

I don't want to taste cold chocolate anymore.

Just realised I'm fully recovered finally. After more than a month of coughing.

Thank you Jesus!

His voice came up on my iTunes

Uniqlo reminds me of 7 v neck Ts. White black and grey.

I miss knowing that life would be basic, simple, non-extravagant.

Unless I find another Dave, I don't think I could have that anymore.

I think everyone deserves truth. No matter how hard it is to hear, it should be heard.

"I know we didn't talk about us, if you have any questions, feel free to ask."

Come on man, it isn't right. I know it was a gesture of goodwill. But it made me angry because it tells me I'm not giving you answers unless you ask for it.

But this shouldn't be begged for, shouldn't be withheld in the first place. It should be given gently, freely, in love, voluntarily. 

Is this why I can't move on? 

Did he forget why he liked me in the first place?

Or was it because he stopped loving me?

Was the noise from the world and the stones along the way, did they look too much like boulders? Even so, why is it he thought God couldn't move them?

Always wanted to be baptised in the new church, by the bubs for the significance.

Need to let go.

I dreamt of him again. But this time my tears didn't start after I woke up. I was already crying in it.

I dreamt that there was an earthquake and everyone had to get to the underground bomb shelter.
The bomb shelter was a massive theatre, kinda like a concert hall, but huge. I felt like I've dreamt of this place before.
We ran and ran and made it to the shelter.
After some time, some of us left to see what the situation was like.
Everything looked normal. No rubble or destruction. I remember seeing a huge swimming pool. Then the earthquake started again.
We ran, headed back to the shelter but I lost Dave.
I got back safe. The doors were shut.
I was distraught. I couldn't see Dave. Couldn't find him. Searched through the theatre but no him.
I panicked and the loss was sinking in.
Then the doors opened, and a group of people came in, all of them dressed in tuxedos.
I looked and waited, still no Dave. Grief creeped in slowly.
Until I saw him, one of the last to appear. He was also in a tuxedo.
I cried, laid down and put my arm over my eyes. I cried from relief, from knowing he was back, alive, safe and even better than before.

I dreamt of him. In my dream, he was taking a lesson with familiar faces in a classroom. I was watching from outside. He saw me and waved and gestured while being silent, his usual cheeky, naughty self.

Today I started my day missing him more than ever.

I still want to make it work. No matter the cost, it was always him, Perth, FCC. I miss him, I miss it all.

So many tubs of ice cream in the freezer, but every time I see it, I'm reminded of Dave, and I don't want to eat it anymore. I've lost my joy. Why is ice cream related to him though, I don't understand.

Missed him harder today.

I'd rather stay by him and be quiet than not be with him at all.

At least when we were together, I was happy. Even when we were fighting, I still loved him.

I don't think I've been well ever since we weren't together anymore. I thought I was recovered but I feel like a fever is coming.

What would make him change his mind?

What would it take to see that all I wanted was a simple life with him? I don't mind the struggle to get there. I just want to be with him.

Even after all this time, even though he has been so mean this half a year.

Meeting Swong in a bit. Not sure how to do this. Guess I just have to put up a strong front.

Not sure why I'm still hanging on. Why can't I just let go already.

Today was emotionally draining.

I didn't expect myself to freak out in school over tiny air bubbles in my left thumb's nail polish.

Couldn't breathe, couldn't concentrate, couldn't function. And it was only assembly.

Felt super alone too. Couldn't tell anyone, couldn't get any assurance or peace. I wasn't sure what else I could do. In that moment, I just needed anyone to tell me that it was ok, to rest in God. To point me back to perfect love.

Eventually I peeled off the top layer of nail.

Who would want a wreck like me. Who would be able to handle me. I can't even handle me.

Today sucks. I need to just lie down and cry to sleep.

Every Sunday morning on worship, I wear what he gave. More importantly, I remember how I grew in service and ministry.

The last time I had a good day, I came home wanting to tell him everything. Missed him so much I couldn't stop crying.

Today I had a pretty good day.

I don't want any more good days.

He took down these walls, but didn't like what he saw, and left.

I miss him so much. As much as I tell everyone and myself that I'm fine, my whole being misses him. It doesn't feel right without him.

Last night the parents decided to have banana splits, so I went out to buy the ingredients. Got 2 tubs of ice cream to join the 2 we have at home. Got bananas, strawberries, wafers, sliced almonds and chocolate sauce.

Mum made them and put them on the pretty plates I bought from Hong Kong.

Though they were flavours I like, I ate none of the ice cream. Just didn't like it anymore.

Ice cream has lost it's appeal.