I have no idea what I am doing here. But I kinda want to digress from my revision for promos.

I'm a lil worried what may come my way.

Teacher's telling you you'll probably retain is not a very happy thought. I asked Mr Nah what he thought of my potential to promote. He just gave a very big sigh and told me to just do my best.

I'm thinking, what if it's God's plan for me to retain?

I don't like that plan. I don't want to follow it. I want to be like Jonah in the Bible, where He "ran away". But come to think of it, his boat did get knocked by the storm, he did get thrown overboard, he did get swallowed by a big fish. I can imagine the fear and shock of being swallowed by a fish already.

On the other hand, I'm like, obligated to follow God cos I know it would be stupid not to. God's God. He knows everything, He controls everything. I'm His child and He's my father.

People tell me to leave it in His hands but I just aren't willing to do so. I just want to promote. But I want God with me. I want Him to work with me through the A levels. Otherwise, it would be another wasted year.

Maybe God wants to use this to punish me. But I don't want to accept the reality of it.

Day by day everything is becoming clearer. But I'm praying for a miracle.

I shall have faith in Him to guide me through. It's a matter of trust. It's difficult, but I'll.

Societal expectations and other social pressures don't allow me to retain. I shan't let myself.

Ouch. 2 sudden split second heart pains. I don't like.