i managed to talk with audrey about everything. and i feel so much better.
i managed to accept her point of view and i'm not so disappointed as i was.
i thank God. cos before i called audrey i didnt know how things were going to work out.
i managed to even understand a bit of a math! haha! amazing!
after what happened today, i thought i should like talk to audrey. and last time, God told me to wait, that it wasnt the time to speak to audrey. so now i did. and it feels kinda wierd. i dont really talk on phones, see.
and i realised how people like my friends viewed me too. which really enlightened me.
oh crap i realise i didnt manage to finish telling her my feelings. aiya. doesnt matter la.
oh well, i have to accept the fact that my clique is mostly made up of high-flyers. and that i gotta jiayou.. i cant lose out.
study smart. but also study hard.
clock in the hours, yea.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
blogs are for people to voice opinions so i'm just gonna be honest.
if anyone sees this and thinks i didnt get my facts right, then tag it. or tell me personally to clear the air. dont hold it back. dont add vinegar to it and gossip about me. i think thats not very fair. and i hope we all have brains to do so and not spoil friendships.
-------------------------------
secrets are harmful. so i'm letting it all run out of me...
the most interesting thing happened in school today and i just have to mention a few names.
well, my clique loves to eat in class. and most of the time i just mention to them how its against school rules. but i wont really like get into a heated argument over that cos i have more important things to do.
still, i feel that its not what a role model should do, after all, we collected colours award and everything..they shouldnt be doing these kinda things.
anyway, today, rj mich, aud and beef were eating again. i was quite angry cos beef is the class monitor, and rj and mich are co-class commitee members with me and jo. we should be setting an example, if not how to write that you're a good role model for your peers in your testimonial?
well, i just told them (twice though) that they should not be eating. after aud and mich said they wouldnt drop anything, i just left it there. afterall, they are good friends of mine and i kinda dont want to fault them.
after a while, the classroom went quiet. mich and aud were at the front of the classroom. they dropped 'nerds' and were looking for it.
i was kinda pissed. like who wouldnt? you mess up, you clean. but i relaxed and continued my work.
then, they went out of the class to the toilet. aud asked if i wanted to go. i dont know if it meant anything, but it was the first time she asked me if i wanted to go to the washroom.
when i turned back to my work, i saw yanying standing beside jialing. and jialing was crying. so i went up to her and found out she was actually stressed that my friends were eating and she couldnt do anything. she didnt want to report it to miss gan as miss gan would punish the whole class and then the class would know the prefects told on them. and jialing said that even if miss gan reprimanded the class, they wont not stop. afterall, the school had once and again enforced this rule already but theystill ate in class. jialing said miss gan would not single them out to reprimand them but that was the only way to maybe try and stop them from eating. she really felt disappointed and sad.
when they came back from class, they saw jialing crying and started sweeping with the broom. i told them that their actions made jialing vexed.
mich then went to apologise to jialing. but i think someone behind me i cant remember who told mich that she wasnt sincere, laughing and joking whilst apologising. then after a minute, mich was vexed and i think she teared.
then chinese started and mich went to miss gan's office to admit her mistakes.
at the beginning, i was kinda pissed at them for being so irresponsible and not taking this seriously. like when mich apologised, in my heart i kinda agreed with the person behind who commented mich wasnt sincere. thats from what i saw.
but then i'm really proud of mich for standing up and going to miss gan to confess. although she was a bit like er.. " ok la, so i go and tell miss gan that i ate, but i swept the floor and i go to church every sunday..." i thought maybe she was a bit bitter. still, it takes courage to confess and i think mich did well. i'm proud of her.
aud was kinda confused and maybe worried when mich went to miss gan.
when aud and i came into b1 class, i saw how much she changed under the influence of mich, rj and jo. of course all these while i was quite sad that i lost a good friend, but still, she was in my clique. i didnt say much.
sometimes i wonder if i'm being too obedient. and sometimes i wonder if there's such a thing
as being too obedient.
i know that my 'overly obedience' has caused me to drift away from my clique. but i just cant do anything about it. i dont know how. and i dont want not to be a good role model for my peers. i want them to look up to me and see that i have been a good example for them.
-----
see how minor mistakes end up so big? these kind of things never happened in a1 class. we were so free of friendship problem andemotional stuff. when i moved down to b1, i got a 'culture' shock. thats how bad it was. and i didnt get a culture shock when i went to thailand.
i miss my 2 years in a1 class. bring me back.. oh. let my attitude towards studies stay like that then bring bring me back to a1. when i say that, you know i didnt really study in a1.
thats all i have to say today. what do you say? tell me. get the right ideas, dont misunderstand.
if anyone sees this and thinks i didnt get my facts right, then tag it. or tell me personally to clear the air. dont hold it back. dont add vinegar to it and gossip about me. i think thats not very fair. and i hope we all have brains to do so and not spoil friendships.
-------------------------------
secrets are harmful. so i'm letting it all run out of me...
the most interesting thing happened in school today and i just have to mention a few names.
well, my clique loves to eat in class. and most of the time i just mention to them how its against school rules. but i wont really like get into a heated argument over that cos i have more important things to do.
still, i feel that its not what a role model should do, after all, we collected colours award and everything..they shouldnt be doing these kinda things.
anyway, today, rj mich, aud and beef were eating again. i was quite angry cos beef is the class monitor, and rj and mich are co-class commitee members with me and jo. we should be setting an example, if not how to write that you're a good role model for your peers in your testimonial?
well, i just told them (twice though) that they should not be eating. after aud and mich said they wouldnt drop anything, i just left it there. afterall, they are good friends of mine and i kinda dont want to fault them.
after a while, the classroom went quiet. mich and aud were at the front of the classroom. they dropped 'nerds' and were looking for it.
i was kinda pissed. like who wouldnt? you mess up, you clean. but i relaxed and continued my work.
then, they went out of the class to the toilet. aud asked if i wanted to go. i dont know if it meant anything, but it was the first time she asked me if i wanted to go to the washroom.
when i turned back to my work, i saw yanying standing beside jialing. and jialing was crying. so i went up to her and found out she was actually stressed that my friends were eating and she couldnt do anything. she didnt want to report it to miss gan as miss gan would punish the whole class and then the class would know the prefects told on them. and jialing said that even if miss gan reprimanded the class, they wont not stop. afterall, the school had once and again enforced this rule already but theystill ate in class. jialing said miss gan would not single them out to reprimand them but that was the only way to maybe try and stop them from eating. she really felt disappointed and sad.
when they came back from class, they saw jialing crying and started sweeping with the broom. i told them that their actions made jialing vexed.
mich then went to apologise to jialing. but i think someone behind me i cant remember who told mich that she wasnt sincere, laughing and joking whilst apologising. then after a minute, mich was vexed and i think she teared.
then chinese started and mich went to miss gan's office to admit her mistakes.
at the beginning, i was kinda pissed at them for being so irresponsible and not taking this seriously. like when mich apologised, in my heart i kinda agreed with the person behind who commented mich wasnt sincere. thats from what i saw.
but then i'm really proud of mich for standing up and going to miss gan to confess. although she was a bit like er.. " ok la, so i go and tell miss gan that i ate, but i swept the floor and i go to church every sunday..." i thought maybe she was a bit bitter. still, it takes courage to confess and i think mich did well. i'm proud of her.
aud was kinda confused and maybe worried when mich went to miss gan.
when aud and i came into b1 class, i saw how much she changed under the influence of mich, rj and jo. of course all these while i was quite sad that i lost a good friend, but still, she was in my clique. i didnt say much.
sometimes i wonder if i'm being too obedient. and sometimes i wonder if there's such a thing
as being too obedient.
i know that my 'overly obedience' has caused me to drift away from my clique. but i just cant do anything about it. i dont know how. and i dont want not to be a good role model for my peers. i want them to look up to me and see that i have been a good example for them.
-----
see how minor mistakes end up so big? these kind of things never happened in a1 class. we were so free of friendship problem andemotional stuff. when i moved down to b1, i got a 'culture' shock. thats how bad it was. and i didnt get a culture shock when i went to thailand.
i miss my 2 years in a1 class. bring me back.. oh. let my attitude towards studies stay like that then bring bring me back to a1. when i say that, you know i didnt really study in a1.
thats all i have to say today. what do you say? tell me. get the right ideas, dont misunderstand.
Friday, August 11, 2006
uncle, dont say my chinese is lousy. your english isn't much better than my indonesian helper's.
and come to think of it, your chinese isn't that brilliant either.
you're chinese educated but i am english educated. i'm gonna prove that my chinese can be so much better as well.
------------------------------------------
you. didnt tell me you were leaving. you assumed. you caused me to be sad, angry and disappointed. you didnt even say goodbye. frere aine.
------------------------------------------
you. are bias, only paying attention to those high flyers. dont look down on me. dont belittle me.
so what if i dont look as pretty or am not as outspoken or need more help in my studies? mr. advocat.
------------------------------------------
you. keep trying to distant yourself from me. come on man. how long have we known each other? stop being so stuck up, stop showing off. mon voisin.
------------------------------------------
you. please treat me better. dont make me feel left out. show some feeling, involve me, copain.
------------------------------------------
me. i'm really tired. but i'm gonna work my ass off. i'm gonna study, though it may sound easy ( so NOT), i'm gonna psycho myself. i'm gonna loose so much weight you wont recognise me.
and come to think of it, your chinese isn't that brilliant either.
you're chinese educated but i am english educated. i'm gonna prove that my chinese can be so much better as well.
------------------------------------------
you. didnt tell me you were leaving. you assumed. you caused me to be sad, angry and disappointed. you didnt even say goodbye. frere aine.
------------------------------------------
you. are bias, only paying attention to those high flyers. dont look down on me. dont belittle me.
so what if i dont look as pretty or am not as outspoken or need more help in my studies? mr. advocat.
------------------------------------------
you. keep trying to distant yourself from me. come on man. how long have we known each other? stop being so stuck up, stop showing off. mon voisin.
------------------------------------------
you. please treat me better. dont make me feel left out. show some feeling, involve me, copain.
------------------------------------------
me. i'm really tired. but i'm gonna work my ass off. i'm gonna study, though it may sound easy ( so NOT), i'm gonna psycho myself. i'm gonna loose so much weight you wont recognise me.
today was tough for me.
- i had 2 tests consecutively. only 2 minutes break. 2 different subjects. first thing in the morning.
- less recess
- chinese o level results sucked big time. i got a shock and this time my reaction was not so retarded. immediately i broke down.
- the whole day ended up in tears.
- i went to catch a cab home, then to church to get a letter from pastor dave, then back to school, then home.
- but before that, i gotta watch people cut my queue by walking a hundred metres ahead. stupid.
at least some people i knew let me go first although they stood a few metres in front of me. come on man, where's the courtesy.
- then a man was cutting grass and the grass flew towards me. i got cut in between my eyes and got cut on my legs. for goodness sake i could have been blinded! at least let me walk a bit further la!
- when i reached home i had to carry all my books. everything was so heavy i felt like a slave. not a good feeling when you are already down.
so many bad things happened to me today i thought i couldnt survive.
i hate chinese so much i cant stand the idea of retaking.. i dont know where to start.
now i gotta focus on all my other subjects, so many chapters so revise. i dont know why i am doing this.
sometimes its quite easy to give up. but i'm not gonna do so. i'm gonna get distinctions for all my subjects, my parents would be so proud they will buy me a house!
- i had 2 tests consecutively. only 2 minutes break. 2 different subjects. first thing in the morning.
- less recess
- chinese o level results sucked big time. i got a shock and this time my reaction was not so retarded. immediately i broke down.
- the whole day ended up in tears.
- i went to catch a cab home, then to church to get a letter from pastor dave, then back to school, then home.
- but before that, i gotta watch people cut my queue by walking a hundred metres ahead. stupid.
at least some people i knew let me go first although they stood a few metres in front of me. come on man, where's the courtesy.
- then a man was cutting grass and the grass flew towards me. i got cut in between my eyes and got cut on my legs. for goodness sake i could have been blinded! at least let me walk a bit further la!
- when i reached home i had to carry all my books. everything was so heavy i felt like a slave. not a good feeling when you are already down.
so many bad things happened to me today i thought i couldnt survive.
i hate chinese so much i cant stand the idea of retaking.. i dont know where to start.
now i gotta focus on all my other subjects, so many chapters so revise. i dont know why i am doing this.
sometimes its quite easy to give up. but i'm not gonna do so. i'm gonna get distinctions for all my subjects, my parents would be so proud they will buy me a house!
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