i just found out how hypocritical i am.

i tell people they have 'no life' and now i realised how i too have 'no life'.

i so freakin' HATE being overly sheltered.

as in, no staying over, no this no that. if you really want to, sign this i-will-keep-to-these-1000-conditions form.

about staying over- no staying over at friend's house, or a hotel even though the whole class is staying over as well.

the only times that i can is when its after exams. thats only once to twice a year.

like what the toot.

and bryan get to do so so many times? huh? what's going on. not only do his friends stay over almost regularly, but he gets to go to their houses too. what.. male favour-tism?

i remember how audrey told me how my clique sisnt really want to call me to ask if i could stay over with them and watch world cup.

i told them i would call them back. but in my heart, i knew the answer already. still, i didnt want my friends to think of me as a 'geek'. so i asked anyway. what a waste of time and phone bills.

and then audrey told me that they were contemplating to call me or not. they knew how i was the stay at home, mum dont allow, ' no life' girl. but out of courtesy they called. of course, they already knew what i was about to say.

i apologise to those i said had 'no life'. seems like i have to join y'all.

my mum may be right when she says if you sleep late, it takes weeks to recouperate. but that maybe only applies to sleepers in her category. maybe i am not in that category. maybe even if i do sleep late, i can wake up and be fresh, and go back to my normal sleeping times.

but anyway, staying over doesnt mean you have to sleep late. thats what my mum thinks. you dont sleep when you stay over. well, its the company of friends that makes stayovers meaningful. its times like these when we get to know each other better.

now i know why i am not as close to my friends. that because they are able to spend so much time with each other. me? thats out of the question.

i'm getting more freedom now, i'm able to go out more often. but.. there's a big difference compared to sleeping over.

just becuase my mum saw a few guys loitering outside the entrance to the hall i was in together with the whole cohord of sec 4s, she thinks i'm in serious danger. she thinks my friends are all easy people, with boyfriends and all. she paints a real bad picture of them.

someone please teach my mother to let go. she cant be protecting me so securely. she's got to let me learn bit by bit. of course not to teeny bit la. if not in the future i would really lose out.

what " dont care about what others think of you" its really not that real. come on man, face it. every teen's gotta face, we definitely dont want to "lose face" and "lose out". everyone's a teen before...

i'm quite frustrated that my mum is so over protective. no staying overs ano this and that.

i remember how mr kim always told me my mother was too strict with me. that was when i was in primary school and early secondary. then, i felt so much pity for myself. how come other kids got to take the public bus home by themselves in lower primary but i only started to take the bus in primary 5!! then, i was so embarassed when i had to ask my friends how to pay the fares, how to take the bus, what bus to take....

its not that i dont like my mum being protective. its her reasonings i feel are stupid. her way of teaching is just so... tight. if only she could loosen a bit, and not " take other people for example" especially my uncle's wife. of course not letting me go completely, but just realising how much i am missing out. and stop being so.. conservative..

i prays she sees this.

i'm sorry if this whole thing doesnt make sense, i just decided to post this after my mum told me i couldnt stay over at swissotel on prom night, even though my whole class is. she thinks my friends all have boyfriends and would happily invite their boyfriends into the rooms, putting me in a dangerous situation. c'mon mum. what kind of friends do you think i am mixing with?