i am so stupid. so retarted. crying at the slightest things.

just a bit of fright and poof..

rain.

i remember when i was in primary school, daddy had to go to switzerland for 4 days. i cried so badly at the departure gates. so dumb.

joanne leave, cry.
kor leave, cry.

once, bryan and i were swimming at night. then he didnt want to go up yet after a while. so i went up first. i took the lift, then when i reached level4, i stepped out.

i rang the doorbell and then he tapped me on the back without noise. i got i fright. i mean like i would not have expected him to run up 4 storeys just to catch up with me and tap me on the back. like i took less than 5 seconds to step out of the lift and ring the doorbell. i wouldnt expect him to appear all of a sudden.

i cant describe it but yea. i got one mighty shock and within seconds, i started crying. so much so that, even after mummy tried to console me, and reprimand bryan, which took about a minute or two, i was still crying.

rargh. dumb girl.

then today i was concentrating on my amaths question when liyun came up behind me and clashed the cymbals beside my ear. oh btw, she's in band if you were wondering. ( thus the access to cymbals) but anyway, beef captured everything on her eye cam.

after liyun clashed the cymbals, she went," oh. cheryl is going to cry. did you see her shocked expression?"

true enough, tears started to form and streak down my face but i found it a wee bit funny so i was like laughing at the same time. sorta like mixed emotions. haha. funny.

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this is another journey in my life where the road is not smooth but strewn with rocks and glass.

dad is not in a good mood and i am in the mood to answer his remarks. so because he cant out talk me most of the time, he gets crazier after everytime i oppose.

bryan is trying to be cool as mature as well, so he is trying to refuse to lend me his guitar. doing things that he thinks would make him grown up. well, all i can say is that he kinda sucks at these. oh but he has the same stubborness and bravery every guy has. like he is super patient, waiting for me to fall into his traps. and his eyes are mighty powerful as well. once he spots a loophole, he dashes for it, and he kinds loops you as well, not giving and space to back out or move forward. and he can insist you do things that are totally not polite. like he doesnt have a clue what embarassment is and what courtesy is.

whatever la. anyway, mum is not say the best as well.

yea. i am sorta at to blame for things as well.

so yea. the rocks and glass strewn cement road.

oh yea.. i realised how much a smile could do. like if you say the same sentence with and without a smile, it would be very different and the person receiving the sentence would feel totally different.

example..

" alright.. i'll give it to you...here.. blah blah ( and the person gives you some information you want) blah blah. sorry, i have a lot of work to do now.."

now how would that feel? sorta guilty? sorry? regretful?

then imagine the same person saying the same thing, but instead, with smile.

" alright.. i will give it to you...here.. =) blah blah
( information given) blah blah.. sorry, i have a lot of work to do now =) "

i would definitely not feel guilty. i would feel happy and all...

yea. so people. smile. =)

racial harmony day. i got a pink/purple/silver and a bit of gold saree.

i love it!! so nice. but so wierd wearing it. like as if you just wrapping cloth around you. 6 metres of cloth.

in the morning one indian teacher wore it for me. she made it super tight i almost suffocated.

then i went back to the classroom and redid it by myself. actually, jopps did most of it. i just stood there. after a while i realised my saree was on the wrong way.

soon, the saree was dropping. like when i walked i had to hold it up. then michelle brought me to jeanne's classroom to do it.

did the saree correctly then went for recess.

the whole day super tired. slept through english . then the free periods when the teacher didnt come in, ( no social studies test , everyone happy).. supposed to do work but i went to meet zhou gong for a serious meeting.

the the whole day sian. work and work. siao la. oh, then on the way home i felt a lot of stress, think too much, it was also raining. then i suddenly couldnt breathe properly. gasping for air.
whatever la.


oh crap. i just realised how bad my blog is. so much singlish and incomplete sentenses. heck. edit later.

read other people's blog and found out more about her. i thought she was nice, she was ok. i thought she was skinny and taller than me and had nice clothes.

then i realised she was more than that. like she flirts. but i dun want to not like her. i think i am just jealous cos she got to hang out more with hIm than me. but then again, i am one step ahead. now he is like mine.

wait. i shouldnt be jealous in the first place. i feel so mean and bad. rargh.

yesterday. joanne back already. nicole and i gave her the card and earings. nicole makes nice earings. and i am still waiting for her parents to allow her earholes. purposely gave her earings. cos joanne would definitely tell her parents we gave earings and maybe her parents would finally allow her earholes. so from now on i am gg to give joanne earings. ahaha..

halfway through games, kor kor came to find me. then he told me that he was leaving. i thought kor was leaving later so i was not mentally prepared. all i could do then was to give him a hug and a handshake. then i continued playing.

either the truth didnt sink in yet or i didnt believe him that he was gg off so soon. then later when i went out of the sanctuary to find him i couldnt. then the truth sank in. kor was gone.

i walked to the place where i cried the week before and i cried again. nicole jie was there for me. i didnt have to tell her anything. she knew what was on my mind.

after tm, went to eat dinner and study at toa payoh long johns silver.

at home, i chatted on the house phone and left my handphone in the other room. i was having fun chatting. then when i returned to my handphone, i saw 2 missed calls. kor tried to call me before he left. he tried to call me twice. but i was busy having fun chatting. then i cried the second time. i tried calling him but his phone was turned off already.

i smsed him. asking him to return to singapore immediately. asking him for the impossible.

i blame myself for not keeping my handphone with me. so many people have already told me to keep my phone with me in case someone wants to contact me. i didnt know i missed kor so much. like the last time he went away i didnt cry so much.

kor, you made me cry. how are you gg to make up for my tears?

its been a sucky day for me. smiled very little today. i feel so bad.

morning, found out i forgot to bring my physics practical book to school. so called home a few times.

at 8, got my physics practical from the general office. i was so happy i almost cried. haha. thanks a lot to my daddy and mummy.

later then found out that the practical today was worth 10% of ca physics marks..

recess, shared the russels peter jokes with mors, rach, beef, jos and audrey. laughed like crazy. especially the indian accent one.

"eh man.." one indian man said to another in a bar." arent we....coool?"
"dont we sound really.... hip???"

haha. his jokes really made us crack.

had double a math and double maths. one after the other. really can kill you.

got back my maths results already. this part changed my day.

i got 14/20 with is barely a2. what is this crap la. and i am like below average.. stupidd. then the rest of my clique got higher than me i think. rach scored full marks la. like what the...

from then on, my day went bad. even when i got back my chinese paper and lao shi changed my marks. from 33.5 to 35.5 upon 50. a2...
oh yea. today is daddy's birthday. and i have to mug on the idpw project. do a report and a slide show by today. thats rather impossible. but then again, God brought me my physics practical. so he can definitely help me finish my idpw. ok. have to start work.

today in school, played volleyball for pe. fun fun fun!! we formed groups of 6 then split 3,3. 3 against 3. then the net was a piece of read and white striped corden-area thing. you know...

played for a very long time. fun!! then mrs teo taught our group like much more then the rest la. private tuition. she taught us how to play the game.

after the bell rang, she let us continue but called the rest of the class back. after a while i found out she wanted the whole class to watch us play. we were having fun la. keeping the ball off the ground and over to the other side. fun!!!!

after pe was other lessons. i forgot to bring my a maths notes. so i just wrote everything on fulscap. luckily mrs soh didnt see haha..

geog test. i studied and had so much to write. like everytime i thought of another point i wrote at the side so that i didnt forget it. 4 questions half an hour. madness la.

got back chinese test results. lao shi said the class did very very very very very badly. like half the class failed. haha. i got 33.5 out of 50. b3. crap la. but highest in my clique already. not elaborating more. oh.. but then halfway through the checking she realised there were some mistakes in her marking and a lot of people rejoiced. haha. more marks actually. i got more marks. so i think became a2.

miss kang said the maths paper was very well done. full marks here and there. but can only get the paper back tmr. rargh!! i want to see how i fared. hope i did very well. term 3 must be like super good. to make up for term 1. term 2 made up a bit only. if i do very well, i can roughly gauge my final results since 3 terms= 60%.

handed up my maths file today. a lot of corrections undone. crap. there goes my assessment marks. hmmm...

the geog presentation went well and i want to know how much i got. the pts is not updated yet!!

need to finish my idpw project. poor me has to do like almost everything. rargh!

youth day is over. i really enjoyed myself. went out to study with nicole, mella, justin. if i didnt go out to study. i wouldnt have studied at home. seriously. thank God for friends who asked me out to study.

until now it seems so wierd calling people in tm, those older than me, by their names. i mean like i have been brought up to call everyone older than me like korkor or jiejie. so when i just joined tm, i was having problems controlling my tongue in case i accidentally say it. now, not so much but i still call some people like amy tan 'amy jie'. or like 'adele jie', or christina lim just 'jie'.

of course i have some kors too. but not naming them.

actually, like almost all the poeple in tm older than me are my kors and jies. just that some i call some i dun call. but i have decided to start calling all with jies and kors at the back. well. start trying la.

i think i am lazy. i dun want to continue with my idpw project. =p i think if i grouped with people i like better, click better, then more work would be done. but, this idpw thing is to train us to work with people you are not familiar with or dun really like. so i guess no choice la.

somehow i am not looking forward to tm as much. i mean like not looking forward much to the program but looking forward just to see the people. oh well. hang in there a while more.