" I did my best and I have no regrets."

'I did my best and I have no regrets.' (William Hung)

I really did my best. Really. But still, to my parents, it is not good enough.
From 2A1, only Audrey and I are going to that class. I am not happy. Not happy.
My parents. They cannot know if I did my best, if I even worked hard or slacked.
They presume I slacked. Why? Because they are not home most of the time.
I remember asking mum if she could watch TV with me one night.
She said ok. But then backed out, saying she wanted to watch vcds in the room, by herself. Is that fair? No. Why? Because life is unfair. Yes. Unfair.
Dad. He goes to the driving range very often.

My marks. I improved. From a 55 to a 72. That is very good already to me.
But to my dad, he does not see that 72. He sees the 28 missing.
People tell me that my class is a good class. Why do they? Because they remain in the top class. This is not the end of the world they say. Yes. But I cannot accept the fact that I dropped from the best to some alien class.


I never told anyone the real reason why I quit table tennis.
Why did I quit then?

1. No really really really really really good friends. No friends I can share my problems with. No friends like Joanne, Amaris, Sarah and Althea. We share our joy and sorrows. Nope. . No friends like these.

2. There is no 2. Number 1 caused me so much stress as well, I lost weight. From 45 to 41. Then people took notice of me. Why am I so thin all of a sudden? Why was I pale most of the time? Why did I smile often? Then I quit.

My parents think it was stress from homework. Nope.I did my homework. Only after my homework, when I rested, then my imagination grew wild, thinking about friends, table tennis, friends, and table tennis. I teared most of the time then.
I don't even think my parents know I have a blog.I don't think they even know what is a blog..

I couldn't cry in front of my friends. They think I am so steady. So cool with things.
But I have feelings too. Just a mask I am hiding behind. Can't they see? They tell me I won't cry in school. I could only tear at night.

I want to be happy from behind the mask as well. Once I succeed, I can throw the mask away.

Everyone takes me for granted. They say I wouldn't mind this so they missed me out. I wouldn't mind that so they miss me out. I mind I really mind. You know who you are. I never told you I really did mind. I am sorry.

I smiled when I quit table tennis and joined eldds. I began to regain my weight. But now, I feel like I am going to the period of time when I was unhappy in table tennis.

I want to be happy. I want to be freed from the mask. Can I? Can I come out from underneath the mask?


>>*~cHeRyL~*<<