2011 is coming to an end and this semester felt like it past really quickly although I also feel like many things have happened.
Thank God for starting Love, Vibe. Thank God that there were people that had the heart to start this and for people who came to help and who want to help out next year. I pray that next semester when we go back to UWA we'll not be faced with the same obstacles from the guild. I pray that favour would be on us as we reach out to the student population with small gifts that hopefully would help them in their study stress and bless them.
Thank God for Claire who was pretty much my revision buddy and motivator to study during exams. Thank God that she's such an awesome problem-free housemate, baking and cooking friend and just being an awesome friend in general. Thank God for Jem who isn't a problematic housemate as well. I've heard stories about horrible housemates and thankfully mine aren't like them.
Thank God for the new old car. Great deal that Jem got, didn't get ripped off. Great condition, and price and even the colour's cool! :) With it I did more grocery shopping, could get more food and stuff for the house that I couldn't have without the car.
Thank God for the friends I've made in church. Thank God for giving me the opportunity to get to know the local cell people better and even make a few more friends. I really love hanging out with them! :) Thank God they are willing to include me in their activities and make me feel so welcomed. Thank God for their love and kindness. I pray that as I hang out and get to know them better, I'd be able to be a blessing to them and support them in any way.
Thank God for my international cell. Although I feel closer to the local cell people than to the international cell people, I thank God that they are mostly close by, they bring me to church and other activities. Thank God for their presence because it is them who challenge me to think more about what is to live right by God. They challenge me to make changes to my thoughts and attitudes which I think is growth in my love, patience and trust.
I'm not done here but I'm sleepy. So this would have to do for now.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
Adult psychopathology and 2 related things
Listened to a lecture on sexual disorders. It's actually not as interesting as I thought it would be. Gave up halfway through the lecture yesterday and continued this morning.
Shocked at what the lecturer said at one point in the lecture. I can't remember what it was exactly, but it was to the effect of everyone should understand what (certain term) means and the predisposing, precipitating and maintaining factors of (certain term) because everyone has done it. Sex is common and yada.
Like whuuud.
Sex is common among young, single, unmarried, uni students?
Yes there's a significant proportion of mature-aged students in my class, but most of the uni students are in fact still younger than me!
Made me wonder if this student population actually does it, regularly, and without bothering about what it is supposed to be for, degrading its sanctity.
I knew it was happening but not to this extent.
I've been reading Colossians and Thessalonians recently and sexual immorality has been something popping up quite often as Paul encourages the people in his letters to live lives that are holy and worthy in the presence and coming of the Lord.
"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming." Colossians 3: 5-6.
Then Claire was telling me this morning about a friend who might have possibly lied about her ex-boyfriend cheating on her, how he was physically abusive and all that, so that she could be with a new guy she might be physically attracted to. After Claire's examination of what's been told to her, her not-so-definite-as-yet conclusion is that her friend's been lying, getting sympathy and attention to mask up her true intentions and more shady plans to shag another guy.
The pace and rate of this new relationship is so fast that I'm quite puzzled and after hearing what Claire said, disgusted.
I mean, of course, unless we know and have all the details of exchanges or am omniscient and omnipresent like God is, we can't say what really happened. We're not even supposed to judge.
Besides that that is not very related to me, I'm worried about the society my children will live in, assuming Christ hasn't come back yet.
Shocked at what the lecturer said at one point in the lecture. I can't remember what it was exactly, but it was to the effect of everyone should understand what (certain term) means and the predisposing, precipitating and maintaining factors of (certain term) because everyone has done it. Sex is common and yada.
Like whuuud.
Sex is common among young, single, unmarried, uni students?
Yes there's a significant proportion of mature-aged students in my class, but most of the uni students are in fact still younger than me!
Made me wonder if this student population actually does it, regularly, and without bothering about what it is supposed to be for, degrading its sanctity.
I knew it was happening but not to this extent.
I've been reading Colossians and Thessalonians recently and sexual immorality has been something popping up quite often as Paul encourages the people in his letters to live lives that are holy and worthy in the presence and coming of the Lord.
"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming." Colossians 3: 5-6.
Then Claire was telling me this morning about a friend who might have possibly lied about her ex-boyfriend cheating on her, how he was physically abusive and all that, so that she could be with a new guy she might be physically attracted to. After Claire's examination of what's been told to her, her not-so-definite-as-yet conclusion is that her friend's been lying, getting sympathy and attention to mask up her true intentions and more shady plans to shag another guy.
The pace and rate of this new relationship is so fast that I'm quite puzzled and after hearing what Claire said, disgusted.
I mean, of course, unless we know and have all the details of exchanges or am omniscient and omnipresent like God is, we can't say what really happened. We're not even supposed to judge.
Besides that that is not very related to me, I'm worried about the society my children will live in, assuming Christ hasn't come back yet.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
"little girl"
Yesterday God said to me "be the little girl I know".
It was pretty cool to hear from God through that still small voice again, but I was thinking what that could have meant. I wanted to make sure that I get the message and live it.
My first thoughts were that maybe I should return to the stage of childlike faith, of when my priority was God. Maybe even though I've been growing in my faith, that simple characteristic of being childlike was slowly being lost in my "matured thinking", all the doubts and technicalities, the "will this work?"s, "what would people think?"s, and the "i'm not sure if this is the best way to do it"s.
Why not go by faith? God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
Also, I thought maybe God's hinting to me about worship. Something that I realise is that I don't jump in worship anymore. Why? I just tell myself that everyone worships differently. Which is true, but I want that overflow of joy and excitement when I praise God and with that, freedom to dance in worship.
Or maybe, God's telling me to be comfortable again. To dress comfortably so that I can worship freely, I can stop being conscious about what I look like when I worship.
It was pretty cool to hear from God through that still small voice again, but I was thinking what that could have meant. I wanted to make sure that I get the message and live it.
My first thoughts were that maybe I should return to the stage of childlike faith, of when my priority was God. Maybe even though I've been growing in my faith, that simple characteristic of being childlike was slowly being lost in my "matured thinking", all the doubts and technicalities, the "will this work?"s, "what would people think?"s, and the "i'm not sure if this is the best way to do it"s.
Why not go by faith? God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
Also, I thought maybe God's hinting to me about worship. Something that I realise is that I don't jump in worship anymore. Why? I just tell myself that everyone worships differently. Which is true, but I want that overflow of joy and excitement when I praise God and with that, freedom to dance in worship.
Or maybe, God's telling me to be comfortable again. To dress comfortably so that I can worship freely, I can stop being conscious about what I look like when I worship.
Sunday, October 09, 2011
Monday, October 03, 2011
Taking stress one blow at a time
Again comes a time I feel I need to take a chill pill.
Made a list of things I need to finish. Not exhaustive. I figured I'll fill out a page's worth of things, do those things, then fill out another page.
I'll start of with the simples. 1. Comb my hair. 2. Put face moisturizer. 3. Turn on skype. 4. File nails and talk to Ian. 5. Pack room. 6. Iron clothes on bed. 7. Sleep.
8. Recheck 213 report. 9. Resubmit 213 report. 10. Pack/clean/vacuum living/dining/kitchen area.
While doing all that, think about Tuesday's giveaway, check facebook for Nat's availability, plan game and logistics, help Serene with the honor roll and cork board.
And while doing all that, keep praying.
Made a list of things I need to finish. Not exhaustive. I figured I'll fill out a page's worth of things, do those things, then fill out another page.
I'll start of with the simples. 1. Comb my hair. 2. Put face moisturizer. 3. Turn on skype. 4. File nails and talk to Ian. 5. Pack room. 6. Iron clothes on bed. 7. Sleep.
8. Recheck 213 report. 9. Resubmit 213 report. 10. Pack/clean/vacuum living/dining/kitchen area.
While doing all that, think about Tuesday's giveaway, check facebook for Nat's availability, plan game and logistics, help Serene with the honor roll and cork board.
And while doing all that, keep praying.
Things I desire for my cell:
1. Unity, hunger for the Word, heart for the lost in my cellgroup.
Honestly, there is no unity. And because there is no unity, it's so difficult to reach out to the people around us, in our school, our friends. If we're not standing together, our attempts to reach out to the community won't be very successful. It could, but it'll be really hard to achieve.
2. Transparency and support in my cellgroup.
To me, a cellgroup's fundamental purpose is to edify. We gather to encourage, support and strengthen each other's walks with God. We fellowship so that we can learn more about God together, discover things about God we didn't know, praise Him for all the good things He has done and thank Him for all that He has provided. It's also to discuss our questions about the Bible and God that we're not sure of.
How to get support when nobody wants to open up in the first place? We're all just keeping all our thoughts to ourselves because of pride. We don't want people to see that we struggle with weaknesses.
My heart is pained, and I am burdened by the terrible state my cell is in. For some of us, our hearts are not even desperate for God, we treat Fridays as a time to chat, we meet up because it's a habit, not because we want to grow in love, wisdom and faith.
We drink and club because we like it, we don't see anything wrong with it. In fact, we go after cell on fridays.
We go into relationships because in Perth, we're lonely and we want companionship. We want someone to talk to, to be with, to love and to be loved. We don't think about the future when we enter a relationship. We don't seek Godly counsel or the advice of our cellmates.
In cell, we make sure we portray ourselves as proper Christians though, we agree with statements that sound wise, we agree in prayer, our answers are always politically right and most of the time, shallow. We are, to put crudely, hypocrites, but hey, that's ok, we're cool like that. We're drinking, clubbing Christians, we're open about it, and we think it's fine.
With a cell like that, how do you expect me to be happy? It's not just for my benefit and selfish desire for a cell that supports and grows me, I don't wish I had a perfect cell so that I can spill out my sorrows and get people to give me verses to encourage me and to pray for and with me. In fact, that's the least of my worries, that's the last thing I desire from my cell.
I worry about our individual walks with God. It's not up to me to judge, so I can't simply say that we're not right with God. I worry about the image we give to our pre-believing friends. They'll say "oh so Christians are like that, hey, they're not any different from us."
of course, it's not all of my cell. i'm thankful that there is at least a handful of us that are still standing firm in the spirit.
1. Unity, hunger for the Word, heart for the lost in my cellgroup.
Honestly, there is no unity. And because there is no unity, it's so difficult to reach out to the people around us, in our school, our friends. If we're not standing together, our attempts to reach out to the community won't be very successful. It could, but it'll be really hard to achieve.
2. Transparency and support in my cellgroup.
To me, a cellgroup's fundamental purpose is to edify. We gather to encourage, support and strengthen each other's walks with God. We fellowship so that we can learn more about God together, discover things about God we didn't know, praise Him for all the good things He has done and thank Him for all that He has provided. It's also to discuss our questions about the Bible and God that we're not sure of.
How to get support when nobody wants to open up in the first place? We're all just keeping all our thoughts to ourselves because of pride. We don't want people to see that we struggle with weaknesses.
My heart is pained, and I am burdened by the terrible state my cell is in. For some of us, our hearts are not even desperate for God, we treat Fridays as a time to chat, we meet up because it's a habit, not because we want to grow in love, wisdom and faith.
We drink and club because we like it, we don't see anything wrong with it. In fact, we go after cell on fridays.
We go into relationships because in Perth, we're lonely and we want companionship. We want someone to talk to, to be with, to love and to be loved. We don't think about the future when we enter a relationship. We don't seek Godly counsel or the advice of our cellmates.
In cell, we make sure we portray ourselves as proper Christians though, we agree with statements that sound wise, we agree in prayer, our answers are always politically right and most of the time, shallow. We are, to put crudely, hypocrites, but hey, that's ok, we're cool like that. We're drinking, clubbing Christians, we're open about it, and we think it's fine.
With a cell like that, how do you expect me to be happy? It's not just for my benefit and selfish desire for a cell that supports and grows me, I don't wish I had a perfect cell so that I can spill out my sorrows and get people to give me verses to encourage me and to pray for and with me. In fact, that's the least of my worries, that's the last thing I desire from my cell.
I worry about our individual walks with God. It's not up to me to judge, so I can't simply say that we're not right with God. I worry about the image we give to our pre-believing friends. They'll say "oh so Christians are like that, hey, they're not any different from us."
of course, it's not all of my cell. i'm thankful that there is at least a handful of us that are still standing firm in the spirit.
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
It's puzzling.
How my hunger for Christ comes and goes like a tide.
It's usually on a high in Perth but when I go back to Singapore, and when I try to bring it, somehow it can't sustain on the same high.
Is it the people I mix with? Or my own heart?
How is it that sometimes I get so much from the passage I'm reading but sometimes I don't feel like opening my Bible?
Why is it some people can be on fire seemingly all the time but I know I have highs and lows?
Or is it that everyone has their highs and lows, but responses to these peaks and dips are different?
I know I love God, I know He's real and no questions about it, He's my saviour.
What I'm not too sure is, am I taking this knowledge for granted? What if it's not enough? What if simply loving God is not enough, but really being passionate and being spiritually on fire is?
How my hunger for Christ comes and goes like a tide.
It's usually on a high in Perth but when I go back to Singapore, and when I try to bring it, somehow it can't sustain on the same high.
Is it the people I mix with? Or my own heart?
How is it that sometimes I get so much from the passage I'm reading but sometimes I don't feel like opening my Bible?
Why is it some people can be on fire seemingly all the time but I know I have highs and lows?
Or is it that everyone has their highs and lows, but responses to these peaks and dips are different?
I know I love God, I know He's real and no questions about it, He's my saviour.
What I'm not too sure is, am I taking this knowledge for granted? What if it's not enough? What if simply loving God is not enough, but really being passionate and being spiritually on fire is?
Saturday, June 25, 2011
As I was flying back today, the indian man beside me was blasting his techno way too loud, but that's ok. I was more worried about his eardrums. He's actually quite young, imagine how loud he would shout in future when he's deaf.
He was nice, helping me call out to the stewards when they completely forgot about serving me my food. I was skipped over like something unpleasant on the jogging path.
They were really apologetic though. :)
Reflections for this sem:
Firstly, it went by really quickly. No doubt, I had so much fun. I also did encounter one of the highest stress level hit in years, but God was faithful and He carried me through. Really owe it to Him.
My walk with Christ was so different. I never truly felt and understood what people meant by ignoring QT and focusing on work during exam periods. Now I do. My walk really suffered so much, it's so hard to get back on the right track again.
He was nice, helping me call out to the stewards when they completely forgot about serving me my food. I was skipped over like something unpleasant on the jogging path.
They were really apologetic though. :)
Reflections for this sem:
Firstly, it went by really quickly. No doubt, I had so much fun. I also did encounter one of the highest stress level hit in years, but God was faithful and He carried me through. Really owe it to Him.
My walk with Christ was so different. I never truly felt and understood what people meant by ignoring QT and focusing on work during exam periods. Now I do. My walk really suffered so much, it's so hard to get back on the right track again.
Friday, June 03, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
What a day. Of pain and sorrow and joy, contentment and peace.
Horrible stats lab exam. Made me feel like an ant on the table. I really can't explain why I felt so bad, but I know that it got worse when my friends were having a slightly happier than average post-exam-paper discussion. Made me realise that I'm quite competitive, to the point that my emotions might sometimes be dependent on my performance amongst my friends.
I'm not saying it's not normal and typical, but it's definitely not healthy or Christ-like.
I read a chapter of Corinthians after the paper and ask God to comfort me. I asked for a message from the chapter but I couldn't find anything so I just carried on with the rest of the classes for Tuesdays.
Walking home at the end of the day, I wondered if my self-surprising anger this morning was due to the devil's schemes and I prayed for any hold the devil had against me to be removed in Jesus' name. I even had the mental picture of one of the devil's ugly slaves with broken wings and missing creature parts due to failure in mission to hold on to me and execute any other plan the devil had.
For a fraction of a second I asked myself if I'm actually a closet sadist but hey, those slaves and worthless trouble-makers in hell don't deserve any sympathy.
I'll take today as a wake-up call and study harder, but keeping in mind that whatever happens, be it good results or bad, I'll still praise Him.
Horrible stats lab exam. Made me feel like an ant on the table. I really can't explain why I felt so bad, but I know that it got worse when my friends were having a slightly happier than average post-exam-paper discussion. Made me realise that I'm quite competitive, to the point that my emotions might sometimes be dependent on my performance amongst my friends.
I'm not saying it's not normal and typical, but it's definitely not healthy or Christ-like.
I read a chapter of Corinthians after the paper and ask God to comfort me. I asked for a message from the chapter but I couldn't find anything so I just carried on with the rest of the classes for Tuesdays.
Walking home at the end of the day, I wondered if my self-surprising anger this morning was due to the devil's schemes and I prayed for any hold the devil had against me to be removed in Jesus' name. I even had the mental picture of one of the devil's ugly slaves with broken wings and missing creature parts due to failure in mission to hold on to me and execute any other plan the devil had.
For a fraction of a second I asked myself if I'm actually a closet sadist but hey, those slaves and worthless trouble-makers in hell don't deserve any sympathy.
I'll take today as a wake-up call and study harder, but keeping in mind that whatever happens, be it good results or bad, I'll still praise Him.
Sunday, May 01, 2011
I feel like eating all the time! So full but greedy. Self control Cheryl please ah.
I bought a lot of junk food which is very unlike me. Hmm. Tubs of ice cream, cookies, crackers biscuits, instant soup, cans of salmon, chicken, rice seasonings, chocolates and a lot more.
The australian me wouldn't buy those. I wouldn't even buy meat. When I'm in Singapore it's a different story. I'm worried about now. I'm probably spending too much on junk food.
Money is one thing, healthy living is another. Question: would I be able to control myself from buying more junk after I'm done with all these? Or would I just go ahead and spam the madness?
Apart from food, I'm also procrastinating which is bad. I'll just stress out a bit nearer my assignment. So bad.
I feel like eating now! I knew I shouldn't have bought all those boxes of chocolates today! And 2 cups of bubble tea? Insane.
Watch me grow fat people. :)
I bought a lot of junk food which is very unlike me. Hmm. Tubs of ice cream, cookies, crackers biscuits, instant soup, cans of salmon, chicken, rice seasonings, chocolates and a lot more.
The australian me wouldn't buy those. I wouldn't even buy meat. When I'm in Singapore it's a different story. I'm worried about now. I'm probably spending too much on junk food.
Money is one thing, healthy living is another. Question: would I be able to control myself from buying more junk after I'm done with all these? Or would I just go ahead and spam the madness?
Apart from food, I'm also procrastinating which is bad. I'll just stress out a bit nearer my assignment. So bad.
I feel like eating now! I knew I shouldn't have bought all those boxes of chocolates today! And 2 cups of bubble tea? Insane.
Watch me grow fat people. :)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Physical: As I type, there's a piercing pain where my heart is and I'm taking shallower breaths, wondering if it makes a difference.
Nope.
Carbs so early at 2am in the morning isn't the best for health. I've been lazy in taking care of myself. I've been allowing myself to buy chocolates and eat suppers late in the night, binge-ing and all that nonsense. No self control. I've started taking coffee, which is BAD. I should wait til I really need it, during exam periods.
Mental: Hello May, please be kind to me. Would you go slower please? I've got a lot of assignments due. :(
Spiritual: Also lazy, I should work my brain more. Ownself don't think then blame people for not presenting points right. Also, there's this about worshiping in cell. Why is it that with a better guitarist, worshiping is easier as compared to worshiping when one who's not a good at the guitar serves?
The heart of worship is all about God, whether or not there are words or a melody. It's praise, for a deserving, awesome God and to be honest, He doesn't need the right words or right tune, He needs our hearts to be right.
So I'm intentional. I'm choosing to worship even when the music fades.
Nope.
Carbs so early at 2am in the morning isn't the best for health. I've been lazy in taking care of myself. I've been allowing myself to buy chocolates and eat suppers late in the night, binge-ing and all that nonsense. No self control. I've started taking coffee, which is BAD. I should wait til I really need it, during exam periods.
Mental: Hello May, please be kind to me. Would you go slower please? I've got a lot of assignments due. :(
Spiritual: Also lazy, I should work my brain more. Ownself don't think then blame people for not presenting points right. Also, there's this about worshiping in cell. Why is it that with a better guitarist, worshiping is easier as compared to worshiping when one who's not a good at the guitar serves?
The heart of worship is all about God, whether or not there are words or a melody. It's praise, for a deserving, awesome God and to be honest, He doesn't need the right words or right tune, He needs our hearts to be right.
So I'm intentional. I'm choosing to worship even when the music fades.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sunday, March 06, 2011
What the heck, I'm really a girl. Haha. I used to think I'm different, I'm not really that girly, but aiyah, somewhere deep inside me, there's that box of girl.
I think too much, wanna be pretty too much, wanna be loved too much.
In some sense that box of girl is like a Pandora's box. The difference is, once released, the stuff kept in it can be collected and stored again. Like now. Show's over! :)
I think too much, wanna be pretty too much, wanna be loved too much.
In some sense that box of girl is like a Pandora's box. The difference is, once released, the stuff kept in it can be collected and stored again. Like now. Show's over! :)