Ok a bit emo so here I am. Hopefully by the end of this post I'll feel much better.

Sick since I came. Lucky for me it's not intestinal infection anymore. -.- Just plain old flu. Yay I haven't been flu-ey for so long. It feels good. Now I have more reason to eat healthy stuff every day. :)

I'm sick. So this means I can blame my sickness for all this shitty feelings I have now right? Right. :)

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I'm assuming no one reads my blog, so if you do, I'm sorry, it's a one off. This post is purely to vent, rant.

Sometimes I wonder if I deserve all this that's happening to me. Like. Some people think shit of me, some people think I'm normal (that's good) and some people think I'm nice. I'm not saying my life sucks. I'm having an awesome time in Perth studying, believe it or not. I have great parents who tell me not to push myself so hard when I study, I have close groups of friends in Singapore whom I know miss me when I'm away. Why does my idea of the world differ so greatly as compared to other people in general though? It's not fair. I wanna live like everyone else lives. Free to love, free to like, free to express themselves, free to be so happy and so sad, so full of feelings and emotions.

I have feelings and emotions and all that, but I think I'm too stable. Emotionally too flat. It's like the machine that reads the heartrate you know. Mine doesn't go up and down like a person who's alive. Mine's like a dead man sometimes. It's just one straight line. Maybe there are a few ups and downs. But that's cos someone else is bumping into the dead man's bed on accident.

With my mindset, I should live in America or something. I don't know. Maybe I'll fit in more easily.

With my mindset, I cause so much trouble for myself. I don't even realise I'm in trouble til I'm in way too deep.

I'm just glad that I'm awake, I'm finally, TRULY and REALLY aware of my actions now. Every thing I do, I think damn hard and consider future consequences.

I can't please the whole world. I admit it. I'm not living in my own idealistic bubble anymore. I was happy where I was, but it's time to face up to reality. So here I am. And the world kinda sucks a bit but I'll get used to it. Haha. It's time I make things right, even if people become pissed off at me, or think I'm some worthless creature.

Sometimes knowing what people think of me hurts. It didn't hurt so much before, when all I see was good in people. Or did it?

I keep telling myself," Why do people's opinions of you bother so much?" Guess it's human nature.

It's still good to think the best of people, and I still try to see the good in people rather than the bad. I still create excuses for everyone in the world, as to why he or she reacted in the way they did.

I just realised that my paragraphs don't make sense. They don't link. And I start sentences with buts and ands and all sorts of stuff that isn't grammatically correct. But hey, it's my blog, I do what I want. I told you I was ranting, it's not supposed to make sense. :)

Ok I really feel much better so I'm gonna stop now. Til the next time I'm a bit emo, see ya. :)

emo. i feel like a loser. why so dumb, why so lousy?

well everyone will definitely have these feelings once in a while. so i guess it's normal.

wanna get back up asap. i will. :)

My heart breaks when I hear people say that God isn't real.

Besides praying, what else can I do?

God is real, He loves, He answers prayers.

Stop moving, shut up and listen. Cos God whispers. And if you don't hear it, don't blame God for not answering.

everything happens for a reason and sometimes life isn't like we want it.

but God's the solution.

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God is waiting for you to wake up from your dream.
He's waiting for you to shut up and chill.
He's waiting for you to finally give in and stop being so stubborn.
He's waiting for you to drop your pride and stop acting like He owes you cos He doesnt. At all. Even if you're blind, deaf, dumb, crippled. He doesn't need to do anything for you.
He'a waiting for you to give Him reign over your life so that He can work. So that you can see how much love there is, that you can't see now.
If you're blinded by your dreams and things you want, if your vision is blocked by your own ambitions, you'll never see God. Then you'll claim God's not working.

Every ambition you carry, you carry with both hands, in front of you. The more you carry, the faster it'll pile up and then your eyes will be blocked. But if your dreams are according to what God wants for you, these boxes will be carried by God. And you'll be free to see.