CHERYL CHILL.

Shit. I very stress. Must relax but I wanna cry. Damn it. Curiousity doesn't pay.

I must breathe. DAMN IT.

Aw man I'm such an idiot. CRAP. I'm not being perfectionist. But 100% is damn much better than anything else. OMG.

I'm hyperventilating. I'm gonna faint. SERIOUSLY MAN.

I feel like killing myself. No swearing. But Wahlao. SHIZ.

I feel damn dumb and used sometimes. Like I can't see that a guy's got something on his mind until he tries to kiss me, then I realise I've been leading him on.

WTH.

It's experiences like that that I learn to open my eyes. And prevent stupid stuff like that from happening again.

WINTER IS HERE IN PERTH. Finally. Means that spring is coming. OH HURRY UP SPRING WHAT'S TAKIKNG YOU SO LONG.

I'm missing birthdays in Singapore. Like the twins, fensie jie's, jonnie's, bryan's, the other set of twins, omg. SO many. TOO many.

No hot guy catching my eye. Haha.

There is so much time (seems) that I feel like studying.

Which is good. I finished some work due next week already. But there is still quite a lot more. So fast so many things.

Dear God, please help me keep track and keep up with my work. Help me produce excellent and consistent work. Let me not be stubborn in thinking my way of presenting answers is correct.I pray You'll give me motivation and a will to reach full marks all the time. Help me manage my time wisely and not fall into temptation of playing too much. I commit my uni life into Your hands and I pray that You'll bless me, keep me safe and keep me close to You. In Your name, Amen.

There's always fear. But there's God too.

I wish I could stay in Singapore. Life would be so much more comfortable. Of course, over here, I get to grow up, and I look forward to going back and seeing how I made the right choice to see more of the world and see how much I've matured, as compared to other people who have chosen to stay in Singapore.

Having said that, I think I'm very immature to think that. But that's what everyone says. You go elsewhere to study and you come back and you see that everyone else didn't grow as much as you.

Some parts of me still wish I didn't need to let go of all the people in Singapore. Expensive internet doesn't alleviate the situation.

I think I must remind myself to stay humble. Cos where I am, the room is bigger, the university is bigger and more beautiful, the people look more beautiful, their features are sharper and I get to make friends from all over the world. Of course, it's more expensive, the cost of living is higher, and the diurnal temperature range is bigger. It seems like the benefits of coming outweigh staying in Singapore. But I can't be too proud, I'm here cos I couldn't make it in Singapore. And people back in Singapore(mostly) had a choice to stay or fly. I didn't. And I guess the universities there are ranked higher in the world.

I also need to feel better about myself when I'm outside my house here. I feel ugly cos it seems like everyone else is so beautiful, so much more handsome and pretty. When I'm in my toilet, I see myself on my own, not beside any other person, and I think I feel much better about myself.

Seems like a lot to deal with here. But I'll make it and survive. I hope.

I went to church today. I think it'll be quite easy to fit it. I hope I do. And grow closer to God. And learn how to listen and discern his voice. And become so accustomed to His voice that I can speak all of a sudden, out loud, to answer and talk to Him. :) I'm excited.

For the first time in my life, I am afraid to travel.

I'm afraid to lose contact, lose relationships and lose closeness.

Thats what I know. When I don't communicate with someone, even for a week or two, when we meet again, the connection is lost.

How. IF only NUS or NTU realised they made a mistake, and gave me a place instead.