drama is over. nicole made some last minute changes so i had this whole chunk of lines at 11 am. the drama was t 4. normally, people have like a week or at least a day to memorise lines.

it went horrible. there wasnt enough excitement. sure, many parts made people laugh, but the message was stoppy. i screwed everything up. lucky people thought everything was intentional. but i thought i gave a bad impression to the people from the another church cos they came down to visit. aw crap.

nevermind, since i acted as this confused, frustrated girl with lots of problems and dont know how to solve them, forgetting lines on stage and going something like," i...i.. i dunno what to do, i..i.. i think..." fitted in. hee!!

the worst part of the drama was when kris went," ian chew from our church??" and the audience laughed for a whole half a minute. it felt like eternity and i couldnt continue until they ended. my face was like beetroot red.

dinner time, ian walked pass me and went," hi girlfriend!"

i replied," hey boyfriend!"
so fun!! but it should be not for him i guess. since nicole said it was her revenge cos he kept bulling her or something. i dunno la.

finished learning the dance. the whole dance. happy!! hee.
the drummers came up halfway to see us and they learnt like bits here and there.

got the tickets to the acjc dance concert. cant wait.!!!

sec 3 camp is over. so fast. and it wasnt as exciting as i expected it to be. but one really cute instructor made up for it! haha. ok la. i think pinwei or watever his name is is funny. thats all.

1st day. visited the school for the visually handicapped. did some vioce recording for the 'person in charge' there. half the class did office work, half went to the classrooms. i wanted to see the classrooms but nvm.

4 girls cut shapes out of cardboard, 3 typed something i dunno wat and 1 read out some stuff for ms chong to type in braille. i did the voice recording. so cool. means i left my mark there. haha. wadeva la.

after recording a few exercises, i went to the canteen and went to look at the classrooms. yay!! heehee. oh yea. and the people there thought i was from raffles. is that a compliment??

the classrooms are surprisingly small. the size of my bedroom. that is small. but i think it should be considered big already since in the first place. there were not many students there.

1 discovery. although the students there are not as bright, but they have talent. dickson, this small cute guy, could play the piano. i thought that was great.

after visiting the canteen adn classrooms, we, the pl people, went to the hall to rehearse what we were gonna perform. some songs. yea.

so we did sings some songs. all christian songs. then i led in some games. michelle did lead here and there but most of the time, she was like ' not there'. still, michelle did a lot to prepare. she prepared all the sentences for the message game, and all. and she called me so many times to ask me what to do. means she really does care about what she was doing. i take my hat of her man. i think. michelle is really mature. i think.

we played the message game, pass the parcel, which was more like ' throw my a maths textbook'. someone borrowed my book and i went home before she returned it so i had to bring it along.

pass the parcel really shocked me. cos the parcel person had to share name, age and a favourite. the students might seem small, but they were not young. if you know what i mean.

yea..and we did hokey pokey which turned out really fun. i guessed everyone had fun.

lunch was not say very good, but nevermind.

newater plant was the other side of singapore so i slept the journey.
i filled in most of the worksheet before we did the tour so most of the tour i didnt write anything. i learnt alot there. all the processes and stuff. newater is really cool...yea...

God is really intelligent. to come up with all these modern technology. without Him, there would not be any of these. hee..

on the bus to east coast, where were were supposed to do another 1 and a half hours picking litter for cip, i went through the worksheet answers with the class.

at east coast, beef and i took a bag and picked up everything we saw. haha. expect the unmovables. we got some really heavy stuff.
slacked long time. with like a lot of classmates and the instructors. haha. all i can say is pinwei or whatever his name is is really funny, he has ultra sharp features and likable. all his poses....

took class picture he was behind me and celina. and then one photo he whacked me on the head, cause my mouth to open. the photographer, yi zhang, exclaimed to us my mouth was huge. stupid la. so we took another one.

1st day no need to camp out. went home to sleep.

2nd day, kayaked. jos and me had lots of fun. we carried alot of kayaks. did a lot of demos and volunteered to capsize. and all.

dinner was great. eggs and veg and fish. i gave my veg in return for eggs. nice meal man.

did preparations for campfire night item.

slept in a tent with rachel, michelle, audrey and jos.

at 4 am, it rained. i was asleep but woke up instantaneously.

packed the shoes and stuff, slept a while sitting up. the rain came in a bit. lucky not much. i heard other tents had their own swimming pool and stuff. some even commented tsunami was in singapore. haha. as expected, didnt sleep much.

3rd day, had to walk a distance before reaching the nearby toilet to wash up. the cement track we were near, that led us to the toilet, was crawling with earthworms. gross 143 times.

long ones, short ones, dead ones, live ones, fast ones, slow ones...there were even crabs. cos the other side of the track was the beach.
guess what was for breakfast.

mee tai mak. i didnt a single bit of it.

orienteering. using the compass and map was basically common knowledge. we just walked a few hundred km to one point, find a password stuck to a wall, then go to the next point.

4 points before lunch, 4 after. did 3 before lunch. wanted to finish but gave up. other groups did only 1 so its ok.

on the way to lunch point, our group met pinwei's group!!!! heeee.
the following 2km didnt seem so tiring. anyway, it was already consider short distance. compared to what we had covered.

lunch was western. nice. but dry. fried fish, fries, cold slaw that wasnt cold, baked beans. ate everything except the fries. we gathered all the fries and gave it to pinwei. pig.

after lunch, the instructors decided every group do 2 points and return to camp so that we could bathe first, to not cause a jam when the other people doing other couses came back to bathe.

we did ours really quickly, had some hours to spare. then slacked for a while before taking mrt back. luxury. ours was mrt and secretly, chocolates and sweeets. other groups' luxury was macs and stuff la. so actually, each group could have a luxury.hee. yvonne, the instructor taking us, even bought the group a pack of gummies. heehee. she didnt know we bought other stuff when she bought the gummies.

anyway, we reached the campsite first. got to bathe in the chalet. the teachers got rooms plus the chalet gave our school some free ones just for us to bathe in. yay!! cold drinking water was already considered luxury not mentioning bathing in a chalet.
we needed an adult to be in the room with us when we used the room so we waited for a while. then wei chuen, this other cute instructor, volunteered to help. we didnt allow him to of course. pervent. haha. kidding.

campfire. our item was really last minute but it went well. compared to other classes' item. i practically slept through some. and the fire kept getting smaller. haha.

slept well. yay.

last day. games. super super fun. 1 person knock down 3 bottles then 3 people can bounce a ballon back, then 6 people can transfer water to fill up a bottle, then 9 people can do this this this, then 12 people can do that that that, then 14 people can carry 1 girl back to starting point, then 18 people can walk back with only 6 limbs on the ground, then 18 people can do this that this, then 21 people can play memory games before 1 person carry the flag back to starting point.

ending point
---------------------------
memory game point
---------------------------
18 people point
--------------------------
15 people point
------------------------
12 people point
---------------------
9 people point
----------------------
6 people point
--------------------
3 people point
----------------------
1 person point
------------------
starting point
-------------------

this is a rough layout. yea. our class cheered screamed and all, and we cheated a bit but so did the rest. then when rachel opened the last 2 cards of memory game and forgot to bring the flag back, i did it for her. haha.

went home, drank cold water, bathed and slept.

went to school 3 times today.
2nd time to hand in chemistry file and bring back all the other books i was unable to carry the 1st round home.

3rd round after tuition, had to hand in compo book since i forgot to bring it the 2nd time.

tired. audrey came over for tuition. we are now having tuition together at my house. 2 advantages. cheaper. and now i have a friend. more fun. hee!!

after tuition, sir johnny sent audrey and i to school, then to macs to buy food, then home. wat a great teacher!! ahaha..

but thanks to audrey's fantastic sense of directions, by the time we reached my house after macs, i finished all the nuggets expect 1 and half the milo. hey that IS a feat ok..

used the computer for a long while. then went to the field , ran 3 rounds. that is 1800 km. not good. then played a lot of table tennis with audrey. i have a sudden liking to table tennis. haha! maybe i miss it too much.

but i like the skill and the ability to play part, not the school team part. i felt left out, i felt lousy and unwanted. doesnt matter now, cos i am in eldds!! yay! but somehow, things have started to change. i was excluded in the planning of the sec 4 farewell. a bit pissed. but nvm.

tmr is the last day of school!! yay! cross country competition on friday, holiday on monday, then camp for the rest of the week!! hee!! poor sec 2 and 1..1 more week for them. haha!!

i still cant believe i am in the cross country competition. haha. i mean, i bet i will like just die on the way or something. haha. kidding la.

i feel bored, full, and tired. i feel like dancing, dancing, dancing the night away...

"if you think you're the best..THINK AGAIN..there are so many ppl better than you..YOU're the worst!"

that was exactly what she said.
it was directed at me. i know. even though she didnt say it was me.
cos it cannot be at anyone else.

we mailed each other a lot recently. and we talked about our 'teams'.

i suck. i am the worst.
i lose. i always lose.
i am stupid. i scored 72 for maths not because of my hard work.
not because i studied. not because i practiced so much.
it is because the teacher was lenient.

she is always right. i am always wrong.
without her, we would do wrong things. it would be chaos.havoc.
we cannot do without her.

she said she was tired. what about me?
so am i. tired of everything. except God, church, dance, drama.
this is my life.

so far, yet so lethal. so destructive.

she knows who she is.she knows this is for her.
she will say that it was for another person.
dont lie anymore. i hate it. denial and more denial.

holidays are coming.

i scored 72 for maths. i am so happy.
60 plus for geog. mm. nvm. i scored 50 plus in term 1 haha.
i want more results!!

camp is coming. gonna bunk with morz, rach, audrey and jos. beef sacrificed herself and bunked some other people. mm. our clique is split. nvm. choose tents that are nearer la.

taking kayaking and high rope course. i think. cant remember if its kayaking and high ropes or kayaking and orienteering. whatever la. can have taken 1 star canoeing. but whole camp on canoe no fun. must try more things. haha. i am bringing some cds along. so that if the campfire item has got to do with movements, i can be of help. ha. i hope i can la..

i am kinda jealous of partner and jos and the few others in my class who have labtops. they can save work there, save presentations in there and bring the whole thing. so cool. O well. guess i have to wait till i am old enough for mum to recognise my need of a labtop. for now, she doesnt see any need.

i kinda feel sad. dunno why. i feel poor and misarable, looked down upon and small, useless and an outcast, unwanted and uncared for. i feel weak.
i feel sorta angry. buut have no strength to speak up.

i want to be included. people snub me. people never include me into things. they plan without me. they settle a date when i cannot go. i tell them so, but they dont hear me. they put me into something i know nuts about.i cannot raise my voice. i want to close my eyes.

i am tired. i want to walk away. but how can i when they are my 'team'?
they dun care, they leave everything to me. there are so many examples. she, L, is supposed to set an example for everyone else. but she does the opposite. the people have voted wrongly.

when i dance, when i act, when i sing, i forget everything. i like that feeling.

i like that kind of feeling.

dun treat me like this, putting yourself at a sorry level, making me guilty. but i have done nothing. he framed me. he used my name. i hope one day you can read it, and understand.

cheryl, try look on the bright side, no matter how dim the light can be. there must be a light, somewhere, only you havent seen it.

dun close your eyes, no matter how tempting it might be.

be happy. be happy.

i am so tired. finished my debate speech whatever for 4 people. woohoo. i think i should like debate all by myself. i mean like i did all the work. they just gave me some info. i had to get the rest by myself...and they get marks too.

pissed. this break is like too short.

i babysat my niece for a day yesterday. she so small and all. so nice to play with her. but today. i woke up with muscle aches everywhere... wahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

then went to mount faber to give out gospel tracks and stuff to chinese tourists. i was amazed at the number of chinese tourists. really!! bus after bus full of them. i mean like there is absolutely nothing to do at mount faber. it is so boring. no shops, even the scenery is not that good. trees block the view.. haha. tourists got cheated of their money. mount faber's admission fee is zero. 0. zilch. zip. nada. haha.

giving out tracks is tough. you gotta be bold, you have to smile really sweetly at all times. you have to do a lot of stuff that is tiring, like for example, today, mount faber's "mount". and the most importantly, you gotta know how to speak mandarin. which obviously doesnt work with me. hello. my chinese toally sucks. so most of the time i just kept my mouth shut and smiled. heee. but it felt so good when the chinese people took the gospel tracks. haha. of course it felt good because we had like 10 or more boxes full of them to give out.. but at least 1 of the hundreds who took the tracks would grow towards God. i hope.

oh yea. i did speak some chinese. i just said, " mian fei de. li mian you mian fei de vcd, ke yi kan.." haha. cos there were some chinese vcds in the goodie bags..

mrs han was there too. surprise surprise. i suggested someone walk up and down the hill with like one or two packets and then like purposely stop in front of the chinese tourists if there is a big group, open the bag and say WOW!! this is good stuff man. in chinese. haha. marketing strategy eh.then all of them will like rush to get one. haha!! wicked.

oh. and i finish reading da vinci code in 2 days. heh.

so many tests coming up. its killing me. arghhh.. i just read jo's blog. exactly what i felt. hah. i think.