" I did my best and I have no regrets."

'I did my best and I have no regrets.' (William Hung)

I really did my best. Really. But still, to my parents, it is not good enough.
From 2A1, only Audrey and I are going to that class. I am not happy. Not happy.
My parents. They cannot know if I did my best, if I even worked hard or slacked.
They presume I slacked. Why? Because they are not home most of the time.
I remember asking mum if she could watch TV with me one night.
She said ok. But then backed out, saying she wanted to watch vcds in the room, by herself. Is that fair? No. Why? Because life is unfair. Yes. Unfair.
Dad. He goes to the driving range very often.

My marks. I improved. From a 55 to a 72. That is very good already to me.
But to my dad, he does not see that 72. He sees the 28 missing.
People tell me that my class is a good class. Why do they? Because they remain in the top class. This is not the end of the world they say. Yes. But I cannot accept the fact that I dropped from the best to some alien class.


I never told anyone the real reason why I quit table tennis.
Why did I quit then?

1. No really really really really really good friends. No friends I can share my problems with. No friends like Joanne, Amaris, Sarah and Althea. We share our joy and sorrows. Nope. . No friends like these.

2. There is no 2. Number 1 caused me so much stress as well, I lost weight. From 45 to 41. Then people took notice of me. Why am I so thin all of a sudden? Why was I pale most of the time? Why did I smile often? Then I quit.

My parents think it was stress from homework. Nope.I did my homework. Only after my homework, when I rested, then my imagination grew wild, thinking about friends, table tennis, friends, and table tennis. I teared most of the time then.
I don't even think my parents know I have a blog.I don't think they even know what is a blog..

I couldn't cry in front of my friends. They think I am so steady. So cool with things.
But I have feelings too. Just a mask I am hiding behind. Can't they see? They tell me I won't cry in school. I could only tear at night.

I want to be happy from behind the mask as well. Once I succeed, I can throw the mask away.

Everyone takes me for granted. They say I wouldn't mind this so they missed me out. I wouldn't mind that so they miss me out. I mind I really mind. You know who you are. I never told you I really did mind. I am sorry.

I smiled when I quit table tennis and joined eldds. I began to regain my weight. But now, I feel like I am going to the period of time when I was unhappy in table tennis.

I want to be happy. I want to be freed from the mask. Can I? Can I come out from underneath the mask?


>>*~cHeRyL~*<<

I Believe

Roar!! The dance was awesome!!! Woohoo!! WE, the dance team, as I so call us, trained for 3 weeks, twice and even trice a week just for the 3 minutes on stage.

Ok.. who is in this 'dance team'?? 5 guys, 6 girls.

1.Nicole Chew
2.Christina jie
3.Maria
4.Cheryl Tan
5. Angelina Ji
6.Me

1.Joash
2.Ian
3.Kelvin Leong
4.John Tan
5.Yimin

OK..Shufen wanted me to do verse 1 ( ballet) with Maria and Cheryl Tan. Both of them are like gymnasts..I stopped ballet in primary school so I was a little shocked cos you noe, Nicole is a good dancer and stuff. But anyway, the ballet was done by us 3 and the rest of the people all like froze at the back while we did this part..The ballet was quite difficult and we practiced very hard, coming back to church in the middle of the week to practice. At the last practice on Saturday4-10 pm, Grace changed everything and taught us some really simple yet graceful steps. thanks gracey!!( ",)
Straight after the ballets, the rest of the girls unfreeze and do a few other steps with kicks and jumps here and there. Poor Nicole always got kicked in the face, either by Cheryl Tan or me during practice..heheh..sorry Nicole..well at least you weren't kicked during the performance..
Then the guys too unfreeze and walk to their positions to start the 1st chorus.
Ian was like positioned beside me. He is a good dancer but puts like too much energy into his dance steps. So because sometimes he comes too close to me, I have to like watch out in case he kicks me or something..haha..
We all move into our next position and start the next verse then interlude then verse then 2nd chorus then cartwheels and frontwalks by Christina jie, me, Cheryl Tan and Maria.
The last bit, was more of basketball moves. Ian was the most excited when we heard the last bit was going to be changed. The girls (except Nicole, who was equally excited) were all oh nos and stuff..The rest of the guys were happier LAH..
Nicole looked a bit pissed when the girls did not want to learn the basketball part but we still learnt it in the end. To think that all these was done on Sat.haha.. All last hour work..ok..Then, after the basketball bit comes the ending pose.

On Sunday, yesterday, my cg went for luch at Seoul Garden. I was still on my diet so I ate mostly salad and drank tea..heehx..Angel Bryan and I then left the cg earlier to take a cab to the cathedral..Had to be there early and practice..The taxi driver was like cheating our money!! He drove around this whole few blocks then after the meter passed 5 bucks plus he then just went.." Ooo!! Bedok cathedral...i take you there.." haha..nvm lah..Angel paid..heehx..Thanks Angel..*smiles*..There, we changed into the pants i didn't really like, and the tiny top of angel's..
we practiced once, stretched..then got ready for the performance..

The performance was like super nice!! Everyone did their best i noe, but i forgot to smile..that and the first cartwheel are the major faults.. If not then not so bad..Thanks to Shufen!! Without you..There would not be the dance in the first place..Thanks for giving me this precious chance to dance..The next dance rite, bryan also wants join..heeh..He finds the dance so super and enjoyed the practices too..haha..

Anyway, the dance is too indescribable to be put into words so please ask me for the video or photos or something..If not, ask me to tell you everything when i next see you!! If you feel confused, forgive me..I'm too excited to write it all down..Hee..All the dancers did very very very well!! Erm..have i said that already??haha..

After the dance, we all sat around for the program and danced again after the program..Quite informal but still fun..At the cartwheel and front walk part, kelvin and john started to walk front..We almost cartwheeled into them..But didn't..Everyone had fun..I want to do the dance again on sat..Now my arm muscles are aching real bad it hurts to type, but i don't care..It will be better in another 2, 3 more days time..

Today, miss Gan made a few girls, including me, stand because i forgot to wear my tie..opps..
we had to like memorise the school song word for word..easy for me so then, punishment at 2 was like playing..haha..

Ok..i need to end here..My arm muscles really is hurting..Couldn't even clap at today's chinese singing competition and stuff..

Dancer,
>>*~cHeRyL~*<<

Dance girl dance..

Woah!! Sunday today and I want to church!! Haha..rather surprising...Celebrated Joshua's birthday..HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSHUA!! Haha..

TM412 yesterday was real cool! On friday, Clarice just smsed me and said she wanted to come to tm..real shocked..and honoured..her first time going to a non-catholic church and she came to mine!!! hee..We planned to met at my house before walking to church..a stone throw away..She came late cos her mum went the wrong way and ended up in Toa Payoh..haha..we walked to church and reached there in the middle of worship.. Cg time was the best..all the food, the talk and laughs..fun!! I think Clarice really enjoyed herself...haha...Thank God for this wonderful opportunity..

This girl, Mei ying, also came. She is also from my school..But different class.. I think everyone was like freaked out by her..She publicly called Alden shuai ge..Said she liked him..Together with a few other cg member...Oh my...I think Mei ying is rather lonely...She goes for recess by herself, is despised by her classmate..Hey..But its not her fault.. And even a murderer is worth a chance in heaven...Heard she fell and knocked her head as a baby..Thats why she's not so intelligent..Still, Meiying can be a very good friend...

On to dance...Practiced a little before 7pm..Learnt what I missed out on monday..Its really simple once you know how to dance...Accidentally knocked Kelvin's face when i like raised my hand..Haha..Opps..Sorry Kelvin..But who asked you to be so tall?? Haha...My fault my fault..

We did conditioning before anything..Supposed to like help us..Maybe not to get muscle aches during or after dance.. But i think it was the conditioning that caused me neck aches on both sides of the neck, leg muscles aches, can you believe..abs muscle ache as well..Haha..The only part of my body not aching are my hands..Haha.. Dance was fun.. Learnt lots..Going to practice everyday..I am working hard for both upcoming exams and dance. Just hope i won't get kicked out of the dance team...

Practiced a little more with Ivan Teo after dance practice..Ian and Joash even helped to coach..
Shufen then chased us home..Haha..Didnt want us to stay too late..Dad was supposed to pick me up so i tried smsing him..Why not call?? Cos my phone is permanently muted..I don't know how to set it to 'TALK' .And when I was about to send, The battery ran out on me!!So, borrowed Ian's phone..So cool!! Its the Nokia N-gage QD i think...But one thing..I didnt know how to call and where to listen..Haha..Yea i know i know...Mountain turtle..

Exams are coming...Hope i do well...Studied quite hard..Aiming for 3A3 next year...Lit or Geog...argh...Why are all the teachers pressing on me so hard? Why must I take Lit like all the teachers want me too?? Well except my Geog teacher..Haha..Is Lit better than Geog or vice versa? I don't want to be in the top class anymore.. All the pressure from the teachers expecting us to do this be that is really killing me..And mum wants me to go to 3A1..why?? Can't you all see that I am not that smart? Not that smart...

>>*~cHeRyL~*<<